WWE 2K23 REVIEW (with Update)

My first wrestling game was WCW Mmayhem back in 2000. Not long after, there came WWF SMACKDOWN. They were both good games, but by today’s standards, they are of course grainy and clunky. The first PS2 game improved, but looked cartoony. Then came “WWF SMACKDOWN: Shut Your Mouth.”

The Create-a-Wrestler suite was so good that I made videos of my friends at work wrestling. As a gag. They all said I was mental. They were right, but that didn’t stop me from hating them. What an asshole I was, thinking anyone would get a kick out of it. I had fun: the likenesses I created were ringers.

When I became homeless, I had to leave all of my possessions behind. Everything but a hefty bag with some of my clothes. Lost my car and my job. The job I lost was because I had no phone. I was too sick drying myself out to go out to a payphone. I was lucky that cold turkey withdrawal didn’t kill me, but I didn’t get anything worse than gut twisting cramps, the cold sweats and the shakes. Huh. Shakes? I was a writhing earthquake. I’m still sure that the geological department at College Park wondered what the hell was going on.

Years passed. By then the PS3 was out but the slim version of the PS2 was still going strong. I bought “Smackdown vs. Raw 2008” and was ecstatic. Smooth animation, a story mode, it was all there.

Finally, with the PS5 due, I could afford to get a PS4. “Smackdown 2K18”. It was so bad that I couldn’t play it. “MADDEN 2K 18” was just as bad. Garbage, unplayable garbage. I have the discs, but deleted the games from the drive.

So “WWE 2K23” is out now. I bought the base game. Reviews weren’t bad. They said that the roster was full of legendary wrestlers. Some would be in DLCs, but if I could wrestle with Goldberg against Kane, it was worth a shot, right?

Not so fast.

Let’s begin with the creation suite. It’s got some good features, but it gets a giant thumbs down from me. Women wrestlers all have giant, misshapen breasts. And you can’t change that with a slider because there are none. There’s no body morphing at all. I’m sorry, but not all women have implants, and those who do look better than this crap. Even makeup is ridiculously limited. You’re going to end up with something not unlike a Manga.

The outfits are, as usual, limited and there are articles that have to be unlocked. Fuck, didn’t I pay enough already?

Oh, it gets worse: the Season Pass can unlock some wrestlers, but the rest is all on DLC. Season Pass sets you back forty bucks, doubling the price you pay. Or you could buy the special edition for 100+ bucks.

Career mode is timed button mashing. Confusing and with a steep learning curve. You will lose again and again. And don’t win too quickly because the audience will react very poorly which counts against you. That’s if you win.

Creating an entrance, that used to be fun. This game makes it a frustrating chore because it’s impossible to time pyros at all. Most of the places you want them don’t work.

When choosing the entrance music, beware: default settings are in safe mode which prevents you from hearing any selection. In settings, just turn off safe mode. The custom music really sucks. Pick something you hate the least, and move on. And good luck getting the lights and intro movies where you want them.

On a scale of one half to ten, I rate this game at 3 and a half. I feel cheated. It may be best to get the PC version and wait until the molders have done their magic. Mods on consoles can’t really be done, and even if you find a way to download one, they boot your account for cheating. A no-win situation for WWE fans all around.

Don’t try this at home. Besides, you have one year before the next release. Then this game’s servers go dark. Better to get a refurbished slim PS2 and go old school. Those were better days.

UPDATE 20 April

I’d like to revise my score so I’m going to get the Season Pass and wait for any patches. I feel that it is premature until a month down the road and we will see. One mistake I made is that with the Season Pass, all legendary wrestlers are in fact unlocked as well as the DLCs. That’s not a bad deal after all. I’m ready to go hard-core on this game. I will revise my score when I’m satisfied that I have been absolutely fair. We’ve all done Season Pass on other games, and micros a well. In AC Valhalla toward the beginning, you pretty much need to. Since I’ve made MTs before, I’m no innocent here. One thing you will never get from me is a lie. So let’s see. I’ll give it a fair shot, and I’m sure the score will be a more fair one. I’m old school, so I sometimes forget about patches and updates. I apologize.