“Joe Biden Is The Loch Ness Monster Of The Swamp” And Other Insanity You Couldn’t Make Up If You Wrote For SNL

People are still talking about it even though most couldn’t finish the insane and drug-fueled speech by Donal Trump, Jr.

He was sickening beyond belief. He claimed that Democrats were going to take away our freedoms. Just about all of them, from the sound of it. I confess, I too was unable to stand more than a few minutes.

And he was high, but a consensus of internet users have settled on powdered cocaine, you know, the real stuff, not that stepped-on stuff with baking soda sold on street corners. His paranoia-inducing claims, all of them bullshit, aimed at his father’s cult followers, were almost funny. His glazed eyes and high energy, his sort-of ability to focus, and his high speed delivery had me in stitches at first, lying so boldly right out of the gate. But when he called Joe Biden the “Loch Ness Monster of the swamp,” I couldn’t decide which I wanted to do the most: laugh or smash my phone against a brick wall.

I confess that I haven’t been watching this shit show live. I’d have to take extra clonazepam to do that. But I’ve been watching highlights, which in reality are not at all “highlights” but clips from a Twilight Zone episode that never got aired because Rod Serling found it too unrealistic.

I mean, he wrote episodes that audiences found disturbing, like the one where Charles Bronson and Elizabeth Montgomery were the last survivors of a war that seemed to have killed everyone else on Earth, and they were enemies. No dystopian story rivals this stuff; Trump Jr’s father has put not only us but the world in a dangerous place.

Meanwhile, Jerry Falwell Jr. is another son whose behavior is increasingly revealed as abberant. The latest dope is that he watched his wife having sex with a pool boy for years.

Lots of men like to do that, and I’m not going to get pious about it. Nobody’s perfect, and that’s just plain true; we all have our fetishes, hang-ups and vices. But to stand up for years like he was stronger and holier than everyone else and then have this come out is almost normal, not aberrant, for the religious right.

It’s been that way for years.

First of all, if someone is a Christian and teaches, that’s one thing. If you like attending services, groovy. But don’t be high and mighty about it. Christ was humble, not haughty, not distantly too good to touch a leper or have supper with a tax collector in the company of other sinners his Apostles did not approve of. Evangelical leaders are famous for passing judgement on everyone else, and Falwell’s endorsement of Trump in 2016 never made sense to a real Christian. Trump had already had the “hot mic” incident revealed, and was doing terrible things at his rallies, kicking a woman out for having a crying baby, kicking people out without their coats, encouraging assaults on dissenters, attacking minorities, mocking a disabled reporter, and lying his ass off with irrational hate speech. The evangelical right embraced a man like that. It managed to shock me even though I think rather disdainfully about them; they’re hypocrites of the highest order. They’ll quote scripture while sodomizing you. No hesitation, no remorse.

Back at the RNC, Melania Trump’s just about run out of my sympathy. I’ve alternately felt sorry for her because I know she’s been abused, but then she did this. Stop calling her speech an “under duress” load of crap. I wouldn’t have done that even if I knew ten snipers had me in their crosshairs. Shoot me, because I’m not doing that to my country. And don’t play me with “she’s protecting her son” crappola when he’s guarded, and always will be, by the Secret Service. Maybe she won’t hold her husband’s hand, but he’s put his mushroom in too many places for her to show affection. Yet she made this speech full of lies.

I can’t wait for Ivanka to speak. For her to praise Scott Baio and Barr, Kellyanne Conway and others, then heap manure on Democrats with false claims about “hurting God” and other outrageous bullshit.

They’ve all defended Trump letting people die, doing zero against the COVID-19 epidemic, and letting children be kept in cages, abused and neglected, and totally turn away from his country’s morals, principles and constitutional laws while romancing foreign dictators. Except for China’s leader, who had no respect for Trump and, unlike Putin, let the world know it.

Which probably instigated the tariffs Trump imposed because he’s bitter and vengeful, and as a result screwed the American consumer while China and Russia combined to share military technology and plot to devalue the dollar.

Are you okay with these things?

Because, don’t blame Democrats for them. Blame Trump and his psychotic enablers, the “yes” men and the women who lied for him.

Do you support our soldiers, our many troops? Guess what. That story about Putin’s bounty on them in Afghanistan? Well, that’s true. And Trump has never publicly denounced, or even acknowledged it. He simply deflected and said, “That never crossed my desk.”

I can’t watch these things live. I’d overdose on clonazepam for sure. None of them are worth ruining whatever is left of my health. No doctor would ever put me up for a liver transplant; I’m not worthy compared to others who have more to live for. So I’m stuck with YouTube, where I can share a link to prove to you that this has all got to end. And I can watch 30 seconds of footage before I have a panic attack.

I don’t know. I think I’m ready for some cat videos.