I should never have written the essay on porn that was published yesterday. The research really hurt me, especially when it came to Linda Lovelace (Boreman). Her horrendous abuse was something that agonized me.
She’s gone now, but my empathy is still making me suffer.
With every click, we encourage more porn. We create more demand. And more women suffer.
Men suffer too in that world. They force or manipulate their wives to do things that no loving husband, no kind of a real man, would do. A curse by God falls on them because they mock His laws and ruin the sanctity of marriage. And yes, I do still believe that marriage is a sacred bond.
Imagine what would happen if, all of a sudden, nobody watched porn anymore. The sponsors would leave the sites, and those sites would shut down.
We have to be real about it, though, because we all know that the demand has never in history been this high. Addiction has never been so easily fed.
I don’t want you to be as down as I am, but that piece needed to be written. And iOlANDEMELODY’s video had to be included because she handled the subject with eloquent patience and wisdom.
I also don’t want you to suffer worry about the End of Days prophecies because, if you are saved, you have no worry. You just have to keep your faith. If someone you love isn’t saved, I know how you feel. The great rebellion is gearing up, and there’s been a lot of people leaving churches everywhere. I’m very sorry to tell you that there’s little you can do about what others believe. Try to talk to them, being gentle and subtle. Think of how Jesus must have spoken. But in the end, it’s up to them. You plant the seed. If it raises a shoot, that’s wonderful. If not, then you tried. And that is all you can do.
But the Antichrist? Don’t be sitting around, scared so much that you can think of nothing else. You still have a life to live. Be cheerful and take each day and give thanks for it, then get on with the things that need to be done.
Don’t forget to be kind to others, but be good to yourselves as well; spend time with what you like to do. Maybe you’re raising a garden. Or reading a cracking good novel printed on paper. Read some scripture. Give someone your company and attention; there’s magic in listening to others. It helps them to feel valued, and that in turn makes you feel good, too. Most people seem to me to be good at heart, and listening to someone who’s feeling lonely or poorly can change their life.
Eat well, get lots of good sleep. Restrict fluids before bedtime so you won’t wake up needing to stumble into the latrine. Especially if you’re a man, because you are bound to miss. Your wife won’t thank you for that!
Give your spouse attention. Have date nights. Go for rides or walks. Hold hands. Give them a smooch along the way.
I’ll never again have lips to kiss or a hand to hold. Trust me: it’s a hard life. Mostly, in my case, it’s for the best. All I’ve ever brought to a relationship is pain. I understood a long time ago that it was going to end like this. That should not be the way for you. So long as you love and don’t cause pain, you’re worthy.
Remember prayer. A relationship with the Lord is the most important part of your life. God already knows your sins. He just wants to know you’re sorry for them. He knows what you need. He just wants you to ask. Most of all, just talk. Like He’s right in front of you. Because He is.
And don’t be hard on yourselves. Haven’t you already done enough of that? Put it away and give thanks for all that you have. The good and the bad, the dark and the light, the hard lessons and the easy ones.
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Before posting yesterday’s blog, I went to the bank. I needed to use the ATM machine. I got to the checkout at the store, and my card was missing. I frantically traced my steps, but it was gone. I called and canceled out the card, which caused a lot of trouble. I had left the card in the machine, and the manager found it on her way to her car. I’ve never done a thing like that before. The porn blog had triggered me, more than I have been in a long time. I was somewhere else, not in my body, dissociation taking me to I don’t know where. I talked to my doctor today and told her that I believe my diagnosis is wrong; as I’ve said before, this ain’t PTSD. It’s CPTSD. I grow older. Further in time from my trauma, I keep getting worse. She offered an anti-psychotic. Thanks, but no thanks. The healthcare system is a stacked deck of cards, leaving less hope for the sufferers of trauma with each passing year.
You’re probably not like me. I hope that is the case. But I’m sure I’m going to pray for you.
Thank you for letting me be a small part of your day. I just want to help. You have my love.
Be well.
Memoirs of an American Christian 