I used to include the stuff in my cooking. No longer will that work for me; I made the grave mistake once of reading an article about it.

Now I can’t even look at the bottles in the store.

Thanks to the cretin who just had to make a big article about what he saw in a random search on Wikipedia and ruin shit for everyone, I now know that Worcestershire sauce has fermented fish in it.

It’s not that I’m allergic to fish. Not yet anyway. It’s even true that some brands sell Worcestershire sauce without the rotten fish. I can’t. I just can’t, and I’m sorry; it ain’t a comfort.

When you know something, you know, as in learning about it for the first time, like face mites – a real thing that I encourage you to look up if you’re getting lesions on your face – you ain’t ever gonna be the same again.

I ate potted meat until I found out what garbage it’s made out of.

I used to eat imitation crab meat til I found out why part of it is red, like crab, you know, to trick people into eating fish sold in place of crab meat. I’ll bet you know this one; the red is juices and solids taken from the body and sucked out through the legs of the cochneal insect. This disgusting shit is mixed with certain salts and turns brilliant red (carmine). Food coloring. Yes.

And face mites, they crawl on your, you know, face, and eat dead skin and shit, but while they have a mouth, no anus.

Nope. They just explode and their shit microscopically just spatters your face. Someone told me the bloody bastards are beneficial.

Oh, Bullshit. How is a bug that eats your face then explodes in a shit storm gonna help anyone? How?

We go around thinking we know everything. Well, we don’t. We know from jack, that’s what. In too much of a hurry, we are. We want to know cool stuff. You know, to show off in the tavern or bar, or maybe the…uhm, bowling alley. Do people think that there’s not really rat shit and spiders in their food?

Yeah, they really do.

They even believe guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Yeah. Every time a gun slaughter happens, from homicides to massacres, the dumbest shit gets typed all over the fucking internet. It’s “mental” people. It’s people who play videogames.

This time, yeah. That shit came up. You remember our president, the guy who stood in front of a fake presidential seal and of course, never knew it because he’s a dildo? You remember that guy?

Well, he said people deemed threats, and I’m not sure how one determines that unless “warning behaviour” such as displayed by the El Paso shooter, and Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, the Virginia Tech shooter, and…

Ah, you get it. But it’s illegal to lock someone up for life in a mental hospital if they’ve done nothing but toss out a bunch of words. Because President Obama got so many threats half the fucking country would be in a Thorazine haze or a padded room if everyone who typed hateful threats all over MySpace and old message boards had been institutionalized.

You also can’t be arrested if you’ve committed no crime. Technically. Unless you’re black and minding your own business, right? Then getting arrested is the least of your problems cause you’re really about to get shot or tazed or choked to death.

But “Totalitarian Trump”, the Dildo In Chief, the one who ordered the USS John McCain lashed outboard of another vessel so he wouldn’t have to look at the name, he wants the movie Minority Report turned into reality…

So I suppose anyone playing videogames that involve violence, those people will be rounded up and put into razor wire-surrounded camps. Jews, blacks and Hispanics first.

Because what else would he do? You really think he ever said anything that made sense? I’d throw a gauntlet at your feet if you dared say yes.

Mass shootings are now the fucking direct result of illegal immigrants!

So is…wait for it…

CLIMATE CHANGE!

Shit makes no sense to me. I don’t know everything. I don’t even want to know everything. The more I learn the less I feel like I want to live.

I don’t know what to eat anymore.

I don’t know which medication might kill me or leave me on dialysis.

I don’t know if washing my face is a waste of time because something I can’t see that don’t have an asshole is just gonna fuck it up.

Hell, I won’t even buy bar soap; just the liquid body wash. Because I fucked up and read something about shit growing on bar soap between the showers you take.

Smoking is one of the dumbest things you can do, and everyone knows it. It’ll kill you. It is killing me, or, more succinctly, probably already has, and I’m not far enough along to drop.

The doctor visits are ongoing. There’s gonna be biopsies and x-rays.

I don’t give a fuck.

I like smoking. But one thing is certain, and you can take this to the bank.

I ain’t eating no more imitation crab meat and using no more fucking Worcestershire sauce.

Ever.