They’re heroes of the highest order. Not in one day of testimony before a room full of politicians, no, not just that. It was a brave, brave thing to do. But they have had to endure much more than that.

Do you remember 2015?

I do. And this story isn’t among my memories of it. Because in 2015 I was without TV and internet service, but I could still see some stories with Straight Talk while impeded by a sea of trees that surround me.

But it wasn’t a story at all. Not really, because the FBI engaged in something I find heinous yet so very typical. It ignored the claims of sexual abuse by a doctor against gymnasts on the USA Olympics team.

Reuters reported an extraordinary set of testimony by Simone Biles, McKayla Maroney, Aly Raisman and Maggie Nichols in which not only did they blame their abuser, but an entire system that enabled the monster inside Larry Nassar to commit horrible crimes without fear of being held accountable in any way.

This is something I’m triggered by in so many ways that I’m not going to bother describing them. But because of that, I’m angry, no, enraged that these extraordinary women have been put through any of the evil shit they’ve been forced to endure. I’m outraged because I grew up in a time when children couldn’t say anything. When silence ruled the day. When Newspapers rarely had to choose whether to print such events and often did not do it. Not because they feared a lawsuit by an accused party, but because the subject was taboo and publishers feared anything that might affect circulation. They covered the Manson murders well enough, but not until over a decade after did news from cable, network and print actually put these stories out to the public. Don’t pick nits here; I know the occasional story did get reported. From what I recall fundamental Christians threw fits because it was titillating and erotic. It was neither; but even back then you couldn’t tell them anything, the dumb stupid bastards.

What the brave young women’s testimony has done remains to be seen. Will this be the case that finally opens people’s eyes? The one that tells the whole world that women and girls are routinely abused, raped, discriminated against, traumatized, murdered by men who should never have been anywhere near them?

Part of this, of course, is that in 2015 the abuses were reported, but FBI agents taking the statements downplayed the severity, and then dropped the cases like they were poison.

That this evil still happens to victims does not surprise me, not the abuse and not the coverup. But it does disgust and sicken me.

***

On April 27th, 1990, my parents were sentenced to prison for rape, incest, statutory rape, sexual child abuse and unnatural and perverted sex practices. A month earlier, after a 3 day trial, the press wanted to know via the court liaison if we would go public. During the grand jury process and trial, our parent’s names had not been released in order to protect us. We decided that there was nothing to be gained by keeping our names from the public. If we did that, people would think whatever they wanted to. I for one desperately wanted everything in the open.

The reasons were that if we remained silent and anonymous, nobody could learn from our example. We felt a higher calling, and also, there were too many people in our past who needed to know exactly why they saw and heard what they did while growing up with us or watching us grow up.

I doubt that any of my teachers remembered me. It wasn’t they whom I had in mind. They failed me in their disregard for my obvious problems.

It was more like the ex-girlfriends I’d hurt and confused, the guys who had bullied me, peers who made fun of or were saddened by watching the mess of a kid I really was. People I had loved deserved to know, and I hoped that if they read the stories or saw the news, they might now be mature enough to understand why I was never happy, why I enjoyed negative attention but never a compliment, which was seldom offered anyway.

What the news couldn’t reveal was the damaged soul left behind. The word “survivors” was used on us.

A survivor is nothing except someone who is still alive. They’re not cured. A lifetime of nightmares, victim behavior and hell are what they own. What I have owned for so very long.

The mistakes people make with victims are many and severe. You tell these brave women gymnasts that they can “move on” now and that they have “closure”, and you trigger memories and guilt. Know why? There’s never closure. That word was applied by conservatives who just didn’t want to hear you talk anymore.

And there’s no moving on; no matter what you do, for the rest of your life, you’re a victim full of crippling and disabling afflictions. That people go forth and are able to hold a job and even achieve immorality in sports and other professions is a testament to an indomitability of human spirit, and it does happen.

But unseen are millions who commit suicide, use drugs and alcohol, become abusive, are homeless, or longtime residents of maximum security prisons.

Society has failed every survivor because that’s what they are in name only.

The magnificent courage and honor of the four women who testified are a chance for us all to finally resolve never to ignore victims again. And law agencies to not protect their agents who do ignore them.

Courage. Honor. Strength. A thirst for truth, justice. These women are heroes, role models. They have both my sympathy my everlasting admiration.