You’re stuck inside for long periods of time. It’s stressful and frightening. You worry about money, jobs, your life. May I suggest going out, wearing a homemade mask, and going for a walk? I’m often surprised at how much of a tonic taking a nice walk can be. Maintain intervals between others, at least six or ten feet, take allergy medicine if need be, but please do go and stretch your legs in the spring sunshine. It’s great for your nerves, it chases away depression, and can even end constipation: when you return home and cuss for lack of toilet paper, and find some Christmas paper napkins with holly from that horrible party your boss threw where no alcohol was allowed and someone insisted on playing that hippopotamus song, which pissed you off because you know hippopotamuses are really killers even if they don’t eat meat and therefore kill people for sport, relax. Time to settle in and read a book or watch a movie.

To wash away all reminders of hippopotami, here are some ideas for your consideration. Let’s see what we can get into, shall we?

Films

What are you in the mood for?

Fantasy

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017, Columbia-Sony)

Dwayne Johnson, Jack Black, Karen Gillan, Nick Jonas

Faced with a board game which is old school, a teen ignores it. Then he hears drums. You know that’s not good. The board game has been changed and has become more modern: a videogame cartridge. He decides to give it a go.

Years pass. Four students serving detention are charged with cleaning the school basement when they hear drums…

It’s okay to love Jack Black again. Not since School of Rock has he been unleashed to prove his acting chops like this. “King Kong” was a truly great remake, and I honestly loved it. But he was good in it; this time out, he’s great. Dwayne Johnson has a love of movies like this, or at least, he’s good with them. And guess what? The game cannot be played with the console and a controller. Nope. Like the title says, it transfers the players into a jungle. And guess what again: one of them is promptly eaten by a hippopotamus! No, don’t throw away your Christmas napkins! It’s okay. Put the napkins down. Cause what if you can’t find any TP this week?

Like videogames do, each character has more than one life. But they soon see dreadful evidence that if they run out of lives during gameplay, they’ll die in real life.

Jumanji:The Next Level (2019, Columbia-Sony)

The original cast returns, along with Danny DeVito and Danny Glover. Three years after the first game they barely beat, the four friends are reuniting for a casual dinner. One doesn’t show. You guessed it. He tried to repair the game that was smashed at the end of the previous game, and now he’s gone. Glover and DeVito are superb, adding a richness and ultimately a bittersweet element to the story. This is great fun with total silliness, suspense and and great character use. Must-see sequel. I’m not sure if I’ve ever used those words in the same sentence. Well I am now. And that brings us to…

Jumanji (1995 TriStar, Sony Pictures)

The original with Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst, Bonnie Hunt, Bradley Pierce, Bebe Neuwirth (whose character actually turns up in Jumanji: The Next Level.

You need to see this one first. Because the Dwayne Johnson and Jack Black films are not remakes. They’re sequels. The first film with Williams gives a fleeting, scary history of the board game. Magnificent film series. Great fun. All three get perfect scores from me.

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010, Walt Disney)

Nicholas Cage, Alfred Molina, Monica Bellucci, Jay Baruchel, Teresa Palmer, Alice Krige, narration: Ian McShane

All the way back to Merlin the great sorcerer, Balthazar (Cage) and Veronica (Bellucci) fell in love. Jealous and bitter, Horvath (Molina) turns against them and Merlin. Balthazar learns that the most evil sorceress, Morgana (Krige) can only be destroyed by the Prime Merlinian. It just so happens that after searching for a thousand years, he finds Dave (Baruchel). Wicked good fun and an especially evil and delicious turn by Molina (he played Doctor Octopus in Spider-Man 2 with a show-stealing performance). One of Cage’s best ever, Monica Bellucci is gorgeous and not at all a bad sorceress, and Jay Baruchel as the coming of age apprentice, scared, nervous and sweetly in love with Becky (Palmer) whose beauty would intimidate any guy like Dave.

Contains violence and adult themes but okay for TV-14 audiences. Worth it.

Classic Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror

Five Million Years To Earth (1968, 20th Century Fox) A forgotten black-and-white masterpiece of sci-fi and horror, both delivered equally well, this is a British film which deserves a spot in your DVD rack. It’s deep, and it covers a subject not often properly handled even in the dramatic genre. I’m not going to tell you. You’ll have to get there yourself.

When digging out a new section for the London underground, skeletons are found. They’re determined to be hominids but five million years old, which seems to fly in the face of science, so scientists are consulted. Then part of a large metal object is revealed in the dig, and it’s guessed by military experts to be part of an old Nazi German V-weapon.

Except that’s a very wrong assumption. And of course, that means trouble.

This film is a classic. You may find a copy under the UK title, “Quartermass and the Pit”, but either way, it’s relatively rare. If you love classic Science Fiction and Horror, this one’s definitely worthy of your efforts to see. I haven’t seen it since 1978, and I still remember the scenes that had me curling up in a ball.

Invaders From Mars (1953, 20th Century Fox)

One of the best sci-fi horror flicks of the fifties, with a relentless buildup and an ending that will have you holding your breath. For classic science fiction, it’s hard to top this one.

20 Million Miles To Earth (1957, Columbia Pictures)

Astronauts return to Earth with reptilian eggs. One hatches and everyone in the universe wishes it hadn’t. With monster effects by Ray Harryhausen, originally filmed in black-and-white but colorized later, either version is the same basic film, and it’s delicious stop-action goodness stacked with horror. A worthy film for casual viewers or hardcore sci-fi fans.

Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959, 20th Century Fox)

James Mason, Pat Boone, Arlene Dahl

Mason plays a geologist who obviously goes on a journey to the Earth’s center. This is a wonderful film, with plenty of action and suspense. You’ll love it if you’ve never seen it, but if you have, you know it’s a great one to watch again after all these years.

Comedy, Horror And Everything In-between

Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948, Universal)

Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Lon Chaney Jr, Bela Lugosi, Glenn Strange

This one’s both scary and a hoot. It was the first crossover between the comedians and Universal’s classic creature features. Someone decided that comedy and horror went well together, and they were right. And the Frankenstein monster, the Wolf-Man and Count Dracula in the same flick? You don’t get any better than that. Although Boris Karloff had long since ended his stint as the Monster, no worries there. Glenn Strange does the job with a creepy near-silent turn and it makes the Monster seem much more frightening. Perfect score, no doubt Abbott it.

An American Werewolf In London (1981, Universal)

David Naughton, Griffin Dunne, Jenny Agutter.

David (Naughton) and Jack (Dunne) are Americans backpacking through the English countryside. I can’t imagine why two American lads would do such a thing, but back then, it was a thing. Stumbling through a rainy night, they leave the road and wind up on the moors, which hostile locals had warned them away from. They hear an awful noise as the clouds break, allowing the full moon to become visible. That’s when the attack comes. With ground breaking effects even by today’s standards, cheeky British humor and a nightmare sequence worthy of an award by itself, this one’s a classic and even boasts a good soundtrack.

The Mummy (1999, Universal)

Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, Arnold Vasloo as Imhotep, the mummy accidentally resurrected by Evelyn.

Hamunaptra, the ancient Egyptian city of the dead. It’s here that Rick O’Connell, a mercenary for the French Foreign Legion, is introduced. During battle he is captured and sentenced to death by hanging. Evelyn, in search of Hamunaptra, comes to see him in prison and tries to buy his freedom.

Eventually he’s released and guides Evelyn and her brother to the city of the dead, where she accidentally raises the evil priest Imhotep, who had been mummified alive for his crimes. Imhotep begins to regenerate using the bodies of mortals which he consumes. He sets about trying to use Evelyn’s body to resurrect Anck-su-namun who was Seti I’s mistress but Imhotep’s secret lover.

Lots of chills and humor, a classic which was included in Universal’s attempt to reimagine the creature features of yore.

The Mummy Returns (2001, Universal)

Main cast returns, with Vosloo turning in an awesome job as Imhotep and Patricia Velásquez sexy and evil as Anck-su-namun reincarnated. The plot is that in the Year of the Scorpion, Imhotep’s resurrection is sought by those who know he is the only one who can defeat the Scorpion King, who is a slave to Anubis. While questing to put Anck-su-namun’s soul into her reincarnated body, Imhotep also wants to defeat the Scorpion King and command the Army of Anubis for himself. Plenty of laughs, a few chills and a woeful CGI character that in itself is unintentionally funny.

Arachnophobia (1990, Buena Vista)

Jeff Daniels, John Goodman, Mark L. Taylor as Manley, with Julian Sands as Atherton.

Now this is a good flick. If you have arachnophobia for real, I’ll warn you that this is not for you. It actually seemed to help me. The film is about invading spiders, hybrids between a common house spider and a new Venezuelan species discovered by Atherton. John Goodman is the comic relief as an exterminator, and is outrageous. Classic horror-comedy.

Something For The Kids?

The New Adventures Of Pippi Longstocking (1988, Columbia)

Tami Erin, John Schuck, Eileen Brennan, Dick Van Patten

My kids loved this one. Even now I can hear that infectious song, “Pippi Longstocking is Coming into Your Town!”

I’m not giving you any plot. It’s too delightful and you should go headlong into a wonderful childhood adventure film that will remind you of long-ago adventures when you had all summer to imagine and chase everything. Go on; trust me.

The Muppet Movie (1979, Henson/ITC

This was a hit during the great movie summer of ’79, and had loads of competition. What a summer that was! Starring the whole Muppet cast and too many cameos to list, this is the one that started it all. Brilliant and funny, rarely shown, well worth the price of a disc.

Drama, Romance and Action

North Dallas Forty (1979, Paramount)

Nick Nolte, Dayle Haddon, Mac Davis, John Matuszak

Nolte is a pro football player for the team the North Dallas Bulls. The film satisfies on several levels, mostly the hilarious relationship between quarterback Seth (Davis) and Phil (Nolte). The training room scenes, Phil’s very real need for painkillers and his habit of urinating in the whirlpool have him on the trainer’s shit list. Seth calls him “poot”, at that time a southern word for “fart”.

Phil begins an unlikely relationship with Charlotte (Haddon, whom I’m desperately in love with to this day) and despite arguments and her lack of understanding of such a brutal sport, they manage to come across as two people who are hurt and just plain need each other. The last game gets messy and extremely dirty with cheap shots, and in the 60s and early 70s this was not rare. No perfect score here, but worthy and with a decent but dated soundtrack.

Falling Down (1993, Warner)

Michael Douglas, Robert Duvall, Barbara Hershey, Tuesday Weld

Douglas shines as a man pushed too far. He goes on a hike across the city to attend the birthday party of his daughter despite a restraining order against him by his ex. Tour de force by Douglas, one of his very finest roles.

Binge

The Bourne Collection

The Bourne Identity (2002, Universal)

Matt Damon, Franka Potente, Julia Stiles, Brian Cox

A fishing vessel pulls a man (Damon) in a wetsuit, unconscious, from the sea. He’s been shot, and when a crew member digs out the slugs, he finds a laser that flashes a cryptic number on the wall. The man regains consciousness, but doesn’t remember who he is. He quests to find his identity, but only has flashes of memories which cause physical pain. He pays a woman (Potente) to drive him across Europe, but it seems that someone keeps homing in on him and trying to kill him. Unlikely fight scenes, car chases and firefights don’t undermine Jason Bourne’s resolve to find his identity.

The Bourne Supremacy (2004, Universal)

Matt Damon, Franka Potente, Julia Stiles, Karl Urban, Brian Cox

As the series gets darker, Bourne finds that the CIA had a black ops program called “Treadstone” and we’re introduced to Pamela Landy (Joan Allen), Deputy Director of CIA. The chase goes from Europe to Russia and Bourne finally remembers his first mission.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007, Universal)

Matt Damon, Joan Allen, Scott Carpenter, Julia Stiles, Albert Finney

Pamela Landy is seriously in doubt as to just how much of a threat Jason is, believing that if left alone, he would vanish. But he calls her and she reveals his real name, and his memory begins to cascade back to him. Finney is outstanding as the man behind the monster, the head of the former Treadstone operation.

Jason Bourne (2016, Universal)

Matt Damon, Julia Stiles, Tommy Lee Jones

After 2012’s The Bourne Legacy, worthless because Damon isn’t featured as Jason Bourne, Damon returned in this picture, far overdue. In Legacy we find out what happened to Pam Landy, and get flashbacks of Finney’s character. Otherwise I see no reason to watch it. Julia Stiles as Nikki Parsons tracks down Bourne after some hardcore hacking. She informs him of an event during Treadstone that brings Bourne out of hiding and sets him on a mission to get the man who ordered it. A satisfying end, if that’s what it is, to the Bourne saga.