An idiom which means the same thing despite many uses, to be “on shaky ground” is generally not a good place to be.

If life were more confined, with less possible choices and therefore less chaos, then perhaps the meaning and use of such expressions would be lost on us. Maybe we would never have needed them at all.

Yes, except that we angry, scared and greedy humans must live our lives in chaos and on shaky ground. And I’m not speaking here in only a general sense; it seems impossible now to look back and fail to apply it to everyone else I’ve known. Myself included, of course, because I’m many things, but ‘sociopath’ is not one of them. To be honest, the word “asshole” is more than adequate.

When Dolly Parton withdrew her name from this year’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees, it was confusing at first. Reports were too vague for me to make out why she had done so. It seemed to be a case of snottiness, because that’s what the headlines and vague stories led me to believe, plus, she was never really a niche rock singer. I couldn’t find any information on the original source, and that’s today’s reporting for you: entertainment news has had too much of a problem with being accurate for years, counting on just headlines, magazine sales and online clicks to get sponsors. Vagueness or skewed writing had become accepted by the consumer, who had grown up with tabloids stuffed into racks at the supermarket checkout lanes. Stars were reported to be carrying aliens’ “love” children and such nonsense. Hell, they didn’t even have to be pregnant to get that treatment; all they needed was a name people would know.

The truth is so easy to have gotten across. Parton didn’t want to split the votes and although she felt complimented, she was humble. That’s a trait or characteristic which far too few people value, much less recognize.

And then we have the story of Trevor Noah, who will be hosting this year’s Grammy Awards ceremony. He said something recently about the activities of Ye, a mess of a man formerly known as Kanye West. I say “mess” because he’s always been on edge, always in the news for the wrong things, and as time flew by, he also managed to have four children with his now ex-wife, Kim Kardashian. And look, I’m not being unfair here. Those who live in the spotlight are always going to grab a headline when they screw up. I’m sorry, but that’s the way of things and if a celebrity doesn’t like it, there’s little that they can do about it. Humans are voyeuristic and nosy and gossip-driven. It’s in our DNA. A boring life can be alleviated by knowing everything everyone else is doing.

In the case of Ye, he was Trevor Noah’s subject for something extremely grim and frightening. Noah said that no matter how you feel about Kardashian, what Ye is doing to her is evil. It amounts to stalking. Gaslighting. Terrorism. It’s damaging and traumatizing both to she and her children, and I’m sorry: nothing but monsters do that shit.

It’s serious stuff, scary to even read about and it’s come out in full display in Ye’s social media posts. Twitter would go on to suspend his account for one day for how he answered Trevor Noah, including a racial epithet. What’s more than scary is his video, put to rap, of him dismembering Kardashaian’s boyfriend.

I don’t pretend to be an authority on the Kardashian thing, a phenomenon I frankly never understood and to which I have taken great pains to ignore. I simply observed the sensational headlines and found that they were always sickening. Someone was always into something in that family, and half of the time I believe it was pressure by the show’s producers or sponsors. “Produce sensational material and we’ll make you rich; fail and the world will forget you.” That sort of thing.

It does not matter what I think, or in what esteem I held the show and the family; Ye has been banned from attending this year’s Grammys despite being a nominee. His behavior has been, to my mind, highly suspect for decades. If he’s gone too far, it is the future that’s really very important. Given his wealth and power, I believe Kim Kardashian and her children are in danger, and that her new love should hire extra bodyguards and wear Kevlar from head to foot. He’s in a rotten position. All are on shaky ground.

Lest you think that I’m going too hard on Ye, let’s take a look at something nobody ever wants to hear or read about: violence against women, stalking and how tragic it can be, and a society that legally and morally looks the other way.

Ye is a stalker and even though research has been inadequate, one source in 2006 used many other sources to attempt to more efficiently provide some insight into the stalkers and their victims. As you’ll see, the article from 2006 is rather dated and yet still chilling, the bottom line being that no victim is likely to escape being physically or psychologically (or both) damaged. The damage of course includes posttraumatic stress disorder, PTSD. But property crimes, arson and constant, unwanted contact (and since the article was written, alarming use of social media and internet misuse including data breaches) are a reality victims face in roughly two thirds, if not more, of all cases. Worst of all is the predictable end, in which statistics fail to account for all of the rapes, assaults, kidnappings and homicides. The actions of the stalker and the reactions of their victim can escalate an already dangerous situation: the stalker ultimately seeks power, and as time goes on, their unrelenting terrorism shows the victim’s weakening resistance; not because the victim is more willing to give in but more that they have limits, and those limits can then be exploited by most stalkers.

Something less known is that former victims are often prime targets for other predators, who see everything. They read body language and watch for things like fearful glances around them at secluded but public places where lack of a crowd or daylight makes them feel vulnerable. Predators like rapists don’t care how old or what race you are, and certainly never care about how one is dressed. They look for opportunity and they know how to take advantage of everything they see and hear. This is about power, getting an upper hand and getting the most out of it.

I’d encourage you to research further. Why it took until the last part of the 20th century to finally make serious inquiries into stalking and domestic abuse is, absolutely, the 2nd rate citizen roles of women in developed countries and yet it has always been a real problem. Police didn’t like handling radio calls for domestic a use, still don’t, and as far as stalkers go, even if officers believed the victims, their hands were tied. There were no legal provisions and nothing a court of law could do.

When I contacted police about a stalker tailing and surveilling me, they laughed in my face. “You’re a man,” they said, dismissing me.

All genders and all races, religions and professional types can be stalked. Sometimes it’s obsession, as in a fan for a star. Sometimes it’s an ex. Sometimes it’s someone who, the stalker believes, secretly loves them or has, in some way, wronged them.

If you are the victim of a stalker or have a friend who is, this link could be helpful. If you experience an emergency even if, as many do, you have your denial or doubts, call 911 in the US or the emergency number in your country. Remember that it’s better to err on the side of safety than to find out what a predator can really do.

As for Ms. Kardashian and her children, I think some prayers are in order.

Some things to consider:

•Be observant and aware. If you have patterns in your route to work, your social life, or anything else that you can change, do it. Leave early for work, have your car fueled, and take long, congested routes. Avoid using the same route more than twice per week and never on consecutive days. If you begin seeing the same car no matter what you do, call police while still en route. Drive to a police station if you can. Don’t just park, actually go in and report it.

•Keep a diary of all phone calls and texts, screenshoot the texts, keep track of times and places you see your stalker and take videos or photos with your phone. Especially note things that happen at late-night hours, like dogs nearby barking, knocking on the door, etc cetera.

•Install an alarm connection to an alarm company and use it. Security and doorknob cameras front and back are essential.

•Keep all cell phones charged. Have batteries for flashlights on hand.

•Avoid shopping when it will be dark when you leave, and never linger until closing time. A nearly deserted parking lot is hostile territory.

•Carry pepper spray with CS gas mixed in. The combination is both effective and will be funny to listen to as you make your escape. Don’t waste time. A nice spray in the eyes, nose or mouth is most effective.

•Take a basic course in self defense. There are even classes for seniors who use canes.

•Change your phone number.

•Change all passwords online, get a new email address and leave social media. I’m serious here. LEAVE.

These measures are not exhaustive and there are plenty more than these. Consult police and security experts who often give free consultation.

Do not, I repeat, not take stalking lightly. Many people at first think the attention is flattering or bothersome but no big deal. It is a mistake. One that could cost you your life.