There was a time when I took my anger and pain out on others. Okay, I lied. I still do it. Just less these days. But I used to be awful. I never let anyone off the hook. The hell. I took it out on everyone.

One day I’m working a shit job slicing lunch meat, and some lady with a speech impediment comes in and orders a pound of “tookie”. I asked, “tookie?” And she nodded. I looked at her. Silence. Then she says, “Tookie.”
I looked at her. “Tookie?” I ask.
The lady with her, about the same age, says nothing. I figured they’ve come from a home for the mute or something. I knew damn well what the first lady wanted. But she was gonna have to work for it. Because I didn’t like her looks. Fake blonde at her age? Ought to be punished for such a travesty. I stood there, staring. I hated slicing lunch meat. I hated using that rotary slicer. Fuckers are responsible for more lost fingers than rabbits, squirrels and power saws combined. I could sell cigarettes and soda all night long and not care, but lunch meat? God I detested it.

The Tookie woman never budged. There was a long line at the register. I didn’t give a fuck. I wasn’t giving in to the centenarian suicide blonde and that was fucking it. “Tookie”, she repeated. I shrugged, and asked “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Finally her friend says it for her. Her “friend” liked watching Tookie Woman suffer as much as I did. I sighed, got the turkey breast from the case, slammed it onto the slicer and deliberately sliced it extra thick. Four sandwiches and that shit would be gone. She–they–never came back. Now stay with me. This is going somewhere.

Fucking asshole comes in one night. Wants one piece of Braunschweiger, holds up his thumb and says, “like this.”
I say, “Like what? You want it the length of your thumb or the width, or are you communicating your dick size?” Braunschweiger Man gets pissed, storms out. Month later, he’s back. Orders the same thing. It’s for his bloody dog for pity’s sake. Oh, but it has to be cut just right. So I take the roll out and use a knife to slice it. “No! That is not acceptable!” he shouts. Now for a second, I’m stunned. This motherfucker is so particular and testy that I think maybe he’s a undercover shopper gonna tell my boss on me. I apologise and soon he decides to take the shit. He pays and leaves. Month goes by. I had time to tell my manager about Braunschweiger Man. She tells me not to put up with abuse and if he orders that shit again, refuse to serve him. Sure enough, he gets this mean look on his face. Holds up his thumb. I say, “Stick that thumb up your ass.”

He turned a molten-steel red. “What?”
I said, “Get the fuck out of here, and don’t come back, you dick cheese!”

Couple years go by. I land a great gig making acetylene gas in a union plant. Couple more years go by. They close an office and open a new office section in our building for customer service representatives.
And Braunschweiger Man is one of them.
And he remembers me.

A year goes by. There’s a company-wide restructuring. Braunschweiger Man winds up in a position of authority over me. And he remembers.
And behind the scenes, he is a corporate ass kisser. And he works some strings. The union gets busted. I’m on the street.

I saw him a year later. He got fired. Brags he’s selling insurance now and getting rich. I’m a security guard in a fucking dollar store.

I still hate Braunschweiger Man. I haven’t seen him in a long time but between us, I’d have lost the union job anyway as my condition got worse. Lost the dollar store job too, but one day, honestly, I just woke up and I couldn’t move. I was sick, I was depressed and I wanted to die.

Of course, I had PTSD all along. Severe clinical depression with bipolar affective disorder and PTSD all tend to worsen with age. But that misses the point. Braunschweiger Man remembered. And he took the opportunity to harass me. Because every one you are mean to, and every one you make fun of, and every time you choose to fuck with someone or just take shit in general out on them, it comes back to you. Every time.

I’m not here to preach. I still get off on cussing Republicans and evangelicals. But I know it’s really wrong. I do. And I feel bad sometimes. I wonder, can I really call myself a Christian what with all the sinning I do?

At least I’ve learned a lesson: if you’re ever working in a convenience store slicing lunch meat and you get a customer who gives you the shits, just do the best you can to do your job. Later on, he’ll decide on his own to shop elsewhere. People like that are never satisfied with anything, and never stop acting like spoiled, pompous, entitled assholes. They never stop looking for people and places that will take their shit and kiss their ass. Oh that’s right, I forgot to tell you. Braunschweiger Man was a deer-hunting, beer-bellied, fuckball republican. Nowadays he’d be wearing a red hat. He’d be a MAGA Nazi.

Tookie woman was a casualty who was innocent. I never saw her after that but trust me: karma remembers. I know. I lost… everything. It wasn’t worth it. Kindness serves you better. ❤️☮️