Flashbacks, Dissociation. Because.

How do you waste the most time every day?

Hey, I wish I could say that I don’t waste time. We would all like to be efficient and productive, wouldn’t we?

Life happens, and when it does, it comes with good and bad. Well, for the longest time, I had too many bad things happen to me.

Those things weren’t just bad, though, they were evil, harmful and traumatic. And those things never go away.

All it takes is a flash of reflective light, an odor of something associated with traumatic events, a taste, a word…

…or a song.

Then what? I can be walking and not see where I’m going. Lots of times I drove places I didn’t remember getting to. How many times did I cross the Francis Scott Key Bridge to get home from work, but walking into my house without realizing I had actually arrived, and did not remember crossing the bridge, paying the toll, and exiting I-695?

How many times had I stripped down for a shower, because my work uniform was full of lime, silica and grime, and not gotten into the shower for two hours, never knowing where I had been, even if my body had not moved?

Flashbacks lead straight to a dissociative state where you involuntarily enter the past, reliving pain, terror, humiliation and violation.

There are medications that they say can help, but looking back over the past decade, I have to wonder if they were truly efficacious. Because it keeps happening, over and over and over again.

Many times I’ve been accused of staring at someone. If I was facing their way, I did not see them. Few civilians understand the two thousand-yard stare, because it’s strange to see. It’s highly disconcerting, thinking someone’s staring at you. The blank look can be taken as threatening, or worse, the mark of sheer madness. Insanity, like they’re trapped in some fever dream.

They have no clue that you’re not even there. You could be in a POW camp or building. You could be back at the house you grew up in. Reliving things most folks would puke like mad if you described them.

The worst part of all this is that nobody will believe you. After a while, you don’t try anymore.

That’s why I started this blog. I didn’t want to shut up. I believed then, as I still do, that if you tell your story to the world, someone – even if only one person – can gain knowledge and insight from it.

And maybe you help them, even if just to tell them that they are not alone.

Incest is the fastest growing category of porn everywhere you go. TV commercials hint at it. In the past, women posing with dogs was the thing. During the Afghan and Iraq wars, one “heartwarming” commercial, I think it was for dogfood, featured a returning woman in uniform reunited with her dog. Touching, but one shot had her in the driveway, on her back, knees bent, with the dog on top of her. Classic missionary position: sex sells.

Since then, a lot of father-daughter themed ads left no doubt that they were “selling sex.”

It’s as old as TV itself, older than newspaper ads, magazine ads, and probably in other media.

But the reality is not sexy. The reality is a fucking nightmare, one that never ends, long after abuse is over, usually because a parent died or the now-grown child has moved out.

And physical abuse? The kind where you’re tortured? Beaten bloody? Knocked unconscious twice in less than ten minutes? What about that?

Though physical scars may fade with time, the ones on your heart and soul never do. Never.

I have siblings who look for all the world to be well adjusted, and I am the one cheering them on in silence, secretly jealous, and yet knowing that they, too, must still hurt. Unfortunately, I have never escaped that past. I’ve lost the illusion that I can.

Instead, despite CPTSD and flashbacks and a textbook selection of attendant maladies, I do the best I can. When I am able, I pray to God to forgive me for my sins, and sometimes I selfishly ask for strength.

Maybe God says, “Mike, I didn’t abuse you. I didn’t want you to be abused, yet here we are. There’s only so much I can do to help. The rest was always your problem to face and defeat or to run from and have it chase you for the rest of your life.”

Maybe I believe part of that. Maybe I believe that life is a blessing and a miracle. A gift.

And maybe I even believe that while we’re here, part of our trials are our burden, and ours alone.

On the other hand, that hardly accounts for all the times I’ve been spared, accidents I survived, heart attacks I survived, murderers I’ve dodged, and so much more. Because I have faith that if asked, God does help. And sometimes He helps even when you’re a second from death and can’t pray because you’re terrified.

Anyway, the time I spend in flashbacks or total dissociative separation remains the thing I waste the most time on every day.

How I wish it was not so.

How I wish that you, too, did not suffer so. Yet there are more of us than we can know. Because life happens, and there’s good and evil. You fight. You resist. You do the best that you can. God bless you.

That’s Entertainment! But is it Evil?

You know, there was, it seems, a time when show business was healthy and fun.

But it was not fun and it wasn’t at all healthy. In TheWizard of Oz, Judy Garland was treated horribly. She was forced to chain smoke to curb her appetite and into other means of keeping off weight. She was supposed to look younger and petite. She was also watched around the clock. That’s severe abuse to a minor, but back then, just like today, nobody cared. Alfred Hitchcock was an extreme misogynist, and I could go on.

In the film industry, starting with a vengeance in the 1960s, horror films grew very, very dark. TV as well. Demonic and satanic themes carried over even to music. In the next decade, it got absolutely sickening, and yet people loved it.

You can still find photos of the lines of people waiting for hours to see The Exorcist. I’ve never wanted to see it.

I’ve read accounts about people vomiting during the show, running out, and more. It grossed unimagined amounts of money, never seen before from a horror movie. It won academy awards and was given an extended cut re-release in 2001.

There were documented accidents and incidents during shooting and some deaths. Was the movie cursed? There were some who were convinced of it. Of course it was!

And it is now preserved wherever “culturally significant” garbage goes. It did do one thing; it brought blockbuster horror movies front and center, and nobody in Hollywood has ever looked back. Now, absolutely, purely evil content is routine to audiences, including at home. Images of demonic attacks, including ever younger children, are common to the genre. Nobody seems bothered by it.

Today, Satan governs whole groups of performers, but nowhere is this more evident than the music business.

Do you remember how I singled out Taylor Swift a few months back because she was always on TV and in the news, yet claimed to be a Christian?

So far, I still don’t see evidence for the claim. And I am not fit to judge her, but her actions are fair game. From dressing up as Satan during a performance to fixating on the number 13, to the point of it being an obsession, to multiple sex partners in relationships that never last (Tom Hiddleston lasted weeks, not months) she does not present as a Christian. Appearing on stage like that, well, it’s more like Death Metal artists would do. And I’m not targeting Swift at all. I was shocked by this video. I was also very let down. I felt like all the air was gone from me as if I’d been punched in the gut. I’m very sad. Madonna and Lady Gaga do this stuff. They don’t surprise me. Miss Swift has.

And look, I’m changed, but far from perfect. Of all people, the Apostles, including Paul, were very forthcoming in their admissions about sinning. I’m no different, and neither is anyone else. As long as we live, we will face temptation by the enemy. He knows where you’re vulnerable. He will send countless demons to exploit your every weakness. It’s what he does. It’s all he does. When we’ve sinned, he rushes to God and accuses us, bragging the whole time.

I am very weak. I can’t live without God in my heart. I can’t accomplish anything good without the Holy Spirit’s help. I have a heart that hungers to know God better, to take this second chance I’ve been given and live for Him, not for me.

Every time I wake up, I thank Him for another day and ask that I may serve Him in some way. Any way.

I pray for others. I know prayer is answered by God in his own good time. I’m here to tell you that with a little bit of faith and patience, you’ll get what you need. Not what you want. What you need. Jesus promised, in Matthew chapter 7, verses 7-8,

⁷Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

⁸For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

But remember that you must have faith. You must do the best you can to live by the scriptures. If you give up too easily, that’s not faith. If your faith is weak, then don’t be shy or ashamed. Ask for help with that. Ask, and you’ll get that boost to your faith. Ask for forgiveness first. Then, for anything you need. And read scripture every day. That focuses your mind on God.

I’m going to pray for everyone who reads this. Keep the faith, guard, and protect it. Then, act like a true Christian. Don’t hide. Being kind to others is a great way to keep your mood up and even to get noticed by people who think they know you, and serve a soft message that they don’t know the truth about yourself. Do not brag. Do not announce it. Live it. If you announce or brag, you will fall down. You’ll have friends who will become enemies, and they’re going to pounce on you. Give it time; no new Christian needs extra pressure. You have enough already. Live a Christian life, and you will gather strength through the Holy Spirit. Then nobody will be so quick to attack you. Greater is He who is in you (the Holy Spirit of God) than he who is in the world (Satan).

I saw an employee in the store today, one I’ve never seen before. She’s very short, getting on in age. When I asked how she was doing, she seemed so surprised, and I heard…gratitude? In her voice, there was the hint that she wasn’t used to that kind of treatment. Just a few words seemed to have been so appreciated that I almost cried. What has she been through? What is she going through now?

I prayed for her. What about you? Can you find it in your heart to be kind to someone else who may be going through things you’ll never know? I hope that you will.

Thank you for visiting. Goodnight, and may God bless you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Satan has Entered the Building. Can You Fight Him Alone? There’s Another Way

I welcome you. I’m happy that you’re here.

You may not like what I am about to write, but it needs to be done.

This is necessary because you are playing host right now to the devil or his demons. And you don’t even know it.

Now, of course, Satan is not omnipresent, nor omniscient. He can’t be like God. The scripture is clear: God doesn’t need to know how many hairs there are growing on your scalp. He doesn’t need to count them, nor does He need angels to visit you to count them. He already knows.

And Satan does not know. If there’s one thing he does know, it is that ultimately, he will lose. Sure, he’s arrogant and prideful, but he chose to leave the service to God and, at some point, had to realize it was all futile.

What we humans need to be mindful of is that if we choose to follow Satan and the ways of the world, we are taking a loser as our master. If you do not turn away from him, accepting Jesus as the way, the truth, and the life, God will send you to Hell, a very real place of eternal suffering. You will not get a chance once it’s too late, when you’re dead, and you want to repent. Jesus will be furious, and He will in judgment show His terrible fury. You won’t see Him as a creature of love.

Just one of towering anger, unable and unwilling to give you a pass. He suffered and died in your place, paying the ransom for your soul, because you sinned. He probably won’t even ask you why you never acted to accept His payment for your sins, why you chose to turn away and live how you wanted to.

Even Christians will face His wrath. Because they received His good news and knew better than to sin, repeating the same evil acts over and over again. He will already know how you chose and everything that you have done.

You may not be going to a Satanist church, but you’re still carrying out his wishes. And if you think you are special, think again. You aren’t because, as an unrepentant sinner, you’re sickening to Him.

Revelation chapter 3 verse 16:

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of My mouth.

God has no love or compassion to those who claim salvation but are too weak and fearful to tell the whole world out loud that He is your Master and that you have no other. You can’t wear a cross around your neck and act like a demon in public. You can’t sit outside and pretend to read a Bible; you have to do that in private but live openly the life of a true follower, believer, and Christian. I’m sad that so many will be lost in such a terrible mistake. Walk the walk, in the footsteps of Jesus, because many are those who need your example, just as there are many who will hate you.

When you choose to live the life God wants you to, beware. The enemies of God will pounce on you, saying and doing abusive things. You must have faith, because no matter what is done to you in His name, and in service to Him, you will be blessed. The one thing I wish more pastors would do is to warn that the Christian must not look forward to Heaven, only to forget that down here on earth, there is so much to do. Hard work. Saving the poor, the sick, the sufferers of warfare, poverty, and much more. Those who are weak in spirit, who have only known a life of severe abuse or being surrounded by enemies, marauders, and soldiers, they need help.

Many need psychological help and support, and maybe they get it, but usually not. You can help. You don’t need certificates to be someone’s friend. You don’t have to understand what they have been through. All they need from you is unconditional love. That’s it. It can’t be contingent on any one or more things; you love or you don’t.

As I’ve written above, we can’t be lukewarm. Hot or cold, pick one. Either you’re lit by a soul burning bright with love for God and your fellow humans, your brothers and sisters, or you’re ice-cold, a layer of ice with indigo beneath, hinting at an even deeper cold further down. But being neither is far worse. That’s owned by people who know better but don’t act on what’s right. They really can’t be counted as anything except fuel for the fires of damnation.

If you truly love your Father, the Lord, then you will be guided by the Holy Spirit. You’ll know what to do. Who to help. Because so far, I believe that anyone who has the Spirit is capable of so much, but…

We aren’t doing enough. And the mission never ends. Until that great and terrible day of the judgment, we may not stop. Not for any reason. Didn’t you understand that part? Accepting Christ calls us to take up a cross and follow Him. Who do you know who does that?

I feel strongly compelled to return to church. That doesn’t make me look like a Christian because many doomed people go there. I need it for my soul. But I intend to live my last days in compliance with God’s grace and in His service.

We are all sinners. In Romans chapter 6 verse 23, Paul wrote,

²³For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

And we have all earned the death of a sinner. To be truly saved, we must first hate, feel shame, and be ready to abandon things that we have chosen over God.

To feel true shame, you have to look hard at your past and feel hate for your sins. You have to first feel shame.

I don’t like seeing people suffer. I don’t like hateful behavior. But if we really stop to think about it, you and I, we can’t stop the evil and the suffering. But combined with others, we can make a difference.

A small prayer even helps, and we can manage that. Did you ever wonder why Jesus said that we should love our enemies and be kind to those who use us?

It’s the essence of forgiveness. Praying for those who have deeply injured you is a very Godly thing. Think of how, after saying this, He was brutally beaten and then crucified. What did he say? It was a prayer. To His “Abba,” an intimate name for “Father,” he prayed for God to forgive the men who crucified him and mocked him. That’s how He wants us to forgive.

Remember what God did for you by sending his one, begotten Son. Remember how Jesus suffered in the garden as He realized that the worst kind of death was mere hours away, yet He went through with it anyway. He sweat blood as He prayed, torn with fear and grief, probably being given visions of what was ahead. He wept, and his sking was wet with perspiration and blood. He asked His Abba to take the bitter cup away so that He would not have to drink. But then He said, “As you will, not me.” It was a choice.

He had come for this. It was his mission. The final act was horrifying. But He endured. For those who had killed him, he asked the Father to forgive. For you, he died and then proved that in His faith, and in service to Him, we will not die but live on in spirit. He did not stay dead. He returned to show that death can’t claim a true follower of His.

Here we are. We’re at a crossroads, you and I. Set upon by Satan and his demons at every turn, as soon as our guard is down. You and I are surrounded. Demons, I assure you, are terrifyingly all too real. There’s only one way to fight them. That’s prayer. Not burning sage, putting salt around your doorways, not consulting witches, psychics, or shamans. Not by playing Gregorian chants. Not by spraying blessed oil or holy water.

Faith, powered by prayer, that’s all you need. Demons scatter when we pray; they can’t stand it.

Do what you can do for others, holding nothing back. Help people. Pray for them, and for your own forgiveness. When you are not right with God, your prayers may be heard, but once you’ve sincerely asked forgiveness of God, your prayers, the scripture says, “availeth much.”

I’ll pray for you, and I hope that you can make the decision to take the extraordinary offer of the grace of God through Christ Jesus, who died in your place.

May the Lord bless you and keep you safe this week, and if you can, try to go to church next Sunday. It is the place to go to learn, pray, and have the support of other Christians. Goodnight, and thank you for the visit.

The Euphrates Creek

Yeah, that doesn’t look right, does it? As far back as a year ago, that’s what some who lived along the banks called it. And still do.

Of course, this is biblical, but I need to stress that the prophecies about it still have not been fulfilled. What we see now is a warning sign. This slide shows, as of one year ago, the satellite view, enhanced, of the Mighty Euphrates at its average volume before, and then after. The after would be a year ago.

In the Book of Revelation chapter 16 verse twelve, John states that “And the sixth angel poured out his vial upon the great river Euphrates; and the water thereof was dried up, that the way of the kings of the east might be prepared.”

I’ll get to those kings in a minute, but first, there’s one more reference to the “Great River” that is in Rev. Chapter 9:13- “Then the sixth angel blew his trumpet, and I heard a voice coming from the four horns of the gold altar before God, 14 telling the sixth angel who held the trumpet, “Release the four angels who are bound at the banks of the great river Euphrates.”

These are the four angels bound long ago to be released at a certain hour, date, and year.

These four emerge in a verse before the 6th angel of the vial or “bowl” judgements, which causes the complete drying up of the Euphrates to accommodate the invasion of the kings of the east.

First, there are the trumpet judgments and then the vial judgments. If I can’t make a timeline, then my humble self infers that I’m not supposed to.

The four angels would, it seems, come before the river is completely dead. These angels are cruel, they hate humans, and they have no purpose but to destroy them. People will suffer anguish, terror, and torment, such as no living people have ever been subjected to.

But remember, the number of “horsemen” John states as 200 million is presently impossible. And the Euphrates is not completely gone. Before the kings of the east can cross it, the sixth angel must pour out the vial that makes it happen.

These “kings” (note the plural designation) will likely rule allied nations. Even China can’t do it alone, but they will absolutely be involved. This alliance could consist of Russian, North Korean, and even Iranian troops.

I wonder, though, about the Tigris River. It’s not mentioned. Would it then stand in the way? It, too, will be gone or so diminished by global warming that it will not be much of an obstacle.

Along the banks of both rivers, there are water treatment plants on both sides. Both rivers are dammed. Trenches and canals used for irrigation have been dried as the river water lowered.

Our own race has been so irresponsible that resources have dwindled. Deforestation, global warming, farming, and more have harmed this planet to the point of no return. We will never again have anything like we thoughtlessly took for granted in the past. And that is all biblical.

I suppose I could have gotten some details wrong here, but the main idea I want to get across is this: you must have no fear of these things because fear is counter to faith.

In the Gospel of John, chapter 16, Jesus told the Apostles that “a little while, and ye shall see me no more, and yet a little while, and ye shall see me again, for I ascend to my Father.”

This was said on the eve of Christ’s death. He told them that they would scatter in fear and be killed by those who thought they were doing God’s work. He said, “Unless I leave you, the Helper cannot come to you, but if I leave, He shall come,” this referring to the Holy Spirit.

They didn’t understand. He explained further and said, “Whatever ye ask in my name, ye shall be given.”

Finally, seeing they were afraid, he said in verse 33:

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

These words to the Apostles are also for us. Fear may enter you at any time, and you will endure suffering. Have faith, and don’t let go of it. Through God the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, you will be given comfort. You will be reminded that no matter what you endure, you are not alone because you have taken Jesus willingly into your heart. He died so that he would be a ransom for you, taking away your sins against God.

Do not speculate on the end. Remember that Jesus said no one knew that day or time but God. Even the angels and the Son himself didn’t know. Only God knew. He’s still the only one who knows. We are to have faith, not fear and doubt. Those things interfere with our spiritual growth and can separate us from the Holy Spirit. Faith is what counts, so don’t be afraid. If something does frighten you, pray. You can unburden everything you carry. You can talk as long as you like, or it can be a short, simple prayer for help. Either way, in the name of Jesus, God hears all.

Be patient. Help may not come immediately. Be patient, just as God has been with you. Have faith. Keep faith simple, as that of a child. Don’t overthink or analyze; just believe.

I’ve seen a lot of miracles in my time, and I’ve had my share given to me also. There is no other reason for me to be here now, writing this, when I should have died long ago.

I believe that the only video of screams in the holes of the dried bed of the Euphrates is a hoax. As with so many YouTube videos, there are fakes of every category you can find. Believe the Word, not an alarmist, fake video.

Remember the departing words of Christ: “And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.”

What a beautiful promise. If He is with us, who can stand against us?

Lord, help those who are afraid, remind them that your Son has conquered the world. Tribulation may come, but we know you will be with us if only we have faith.

In the name of Jesus, amen.

Why Women Hate Men, Why Antisemitism is Rising, and the Incredible Prevalence of Hate Videos

The evidence is all around us.

We men rank lower than worms on the scale of evolution.

When it comes to women, of course. Women’s opinions, to be precise.

The evidence that it will get worse, not better, is also quite clear.

Now, ladies, is that any way to be?

According to recent ethical and politically correct changes in standards, I’m not even supposed to say or write the word “ladies” in a sentence; it’s defined as sexist. How did that happen? And when did that happen?

I’ve never had anyone react badly to “ma’am” or “ladies.”

These words of politeness and respect are what I grew up with. The other day, around sunset, two dressed-to-kill ladies crossed my path at an angle, going to some event. It would have been easy to say nothing, but I nodded and greeted them, “Evening, ladies.” They answered back as if very surprised and pleased, “Good evening!”

And I do that a lot. I speak to people passing by. I’m polite and respectful. I have no reason to hate anyone, and it would be a sin if I did anyway: it would harm my soul, while my silence would make others angry at me. People ignoring me I can deal with, but bearing grudges and carrying a burden like that kind of evil is a thing I’ve never benefited from. I know because I hated being ignored more than I did getting attention. Anger begets hate and leads to nothing good.

The burden gets heavier as life goes on. Nobody is able to bear it. From hate and bitterness come a long list of single items that make everyone sick, defeated, exhausted, and eventually dooms us to Hell. And I realize that a lot of people believe in Heaven, but not Hell. That’s unfortunate. Because it’s a real thing. A state of existence past death where souls are sentenced to weep and gnash their teeth. Yes. There is a hell.

What some things are that can send you there, you probably know. But you do them anyway. On your decision to not believe in such a punishment, the disbelief alone that God would ever send anyone to such a horrible place is first on the list.

But I know. It’s quite real.

My life, as I’ve tried to describe it in the past six years, has been very disturbing for most people to bother reading about. Part of the worst of it was that it drove me to isolation.

That’s not to say that as I grew up, I was completely alone. I did have a friend or two early on, but it never lasted because I always ended up drawing a circle around myself that defined how close someone could get. If they crossed it, I either did something to make them hate me, or I backed off, usually with the same result.

Until very recently, I still did it. Facebook friends, MySpace friends, nobody was spared. Sometimes, I just blocked them. That was extremely cruel and and I learned later that I had really hurt people who cared about me. But it was what I had to do. Too close. I just didn’t want them any further in. All my life, I realized, I had been burning bridges. I found that once done, most of those pathways were forever lost. It hurt, but had I ever had a choice?

When children are so severely traumatized by the parents who are supposed to protect them that they end up pushing away everyone else, you can’t call those children “normal” and you’re not going to change that by not believing it. Trust becomes impossible.

Doctors and therapists and psych meds all can help a great deal, but as with Humpty Dumpty, they can’t put you back together. And no matter how hard any victim tries, he or she can’t get around the fact that those things that haunt their memories can’t be nullified.

Drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and more. Nothing works to escape the past. It just doesn’t. Nobody gets a pass. We say we’ll go to Heaven when we die because we’ve already had a life sentence in Hell. But it’s a lie.

****

I can never speak for another’s experience, only my own. I can’t minimize or put a value on pain. Or psychological damage. Not everyone is a “survivor” of incest, rape or severe child abuse.

Some, perhaps even most, are anything but survivors, trapped on a hamster wheel of remembering every bad thing that happened to them, again and again. And I know that’s a tough thing for most people to grasp, and that’s why people have said to me, “Baloney. You have control over your own body.”

But children and rape victims don’t have control. They have no power to stop what others can’t even imagine. The world fails to accept so many truths, and in so doing, it minimalizes those who tell the truth and puts faith in liars, and thus, all manner of evil can and will be done including crimes against humanity, war crimes, genocide and more. War criminals become heroes. War veterans are spat upon. And this is now normalized. At the end of the Second World War, when Nazi death and labor camps became more widely known, we screamed, “Never again!”

But we can’t stop bad things with mere words. How many Nazis escaped Germany to Argentina and other South American countries?

How many were left behind to live and pass on their doctrine of hatred? And how many were given immunity by the United States to get them to come here?

How many Nazis in America were there? Because Nazism never went away.

And look at how history is about to be repeated:

Last October, the Hamas plan to attack Israel and take hostages, a plan two years in the making, became reality. Children were taken hostage and boldly carried off in dog cages, among their other crimes. Innocent people died. Some hostages were later confirmed dead. Some are still missing. More than this, I don’t know, but the wrath of Israel would soon take center stage. Remember how I said that some people never forget? Well, it’s true. The long history of antisemitism is coming around to a new cycle. It will be repeated. At universities, students protest the Israeli tactics in Gaza without knowing what is truly at stake, without any memory of what initiated the war. They either haven’t been taught about the Holocaust or they’re the next generation of Holocaust deniers. They have chosen a side based on “humanitarian” convictions and therefore inadvertently taken sides with terrorists. This gives Hamas everything they could want. Where is the sense of that? Where is the honor in that? Because if you really hate what’s happening, then you can’t take sides. You have the duty to protect the innocent, and you can’t do that by being one-sided. At present, both are wrong. But you don’t see it so. That means that peace is less probable. It means antisemitism will grow.

TICK TOCK

On the other hand, countries all over the world are trying to ban tic-tac, a social media app that China uses to further break down society. Countries like Denmark have banished it on government issued phones, but as far as I can tell, it remains available to civilians. The creators of videos are each demanding their fifteen minutes of fame because they’re full of themselves, they’re selfish, and there are few boundaries that they won’t cross. Most are at least harmless, but considering the music, nudity, and some utterly grotesque content, China has access to it, and it really is a danger to society. China is working hard to disturb and break up families and whole communities.

I’ve been troubled to see two types of women emerge on TikTok, and a few have been on podcasts.

The first are TickTok women who complain that men never ask a woman out on a date. They say that this places the burden on women to initiate the date. And some hate it. They complain that, for the most part, men don’t want to date. That they’re making women work too hard. One said she went to a certain place, dressed in revealing clothes that no man, or so she reasoned, could resist. She deliberately looked into men’s eyes, only to be “ghosted.”

She is a result and a victim of a lack of parenting and a society that has become so twisted by sin that normal relationships are no longer understood or even considered. She knows no other way and is now embittered that she’s being “ghosted.”

It is shallow thinking based on physical attributes alone without any real knowledge of what attraction is. I’ve often been turned on by the skin showing that an outfit reveals, but have never actually asked for a date.

With my background, for one thing, I find it intimidating. There’s nothing wrong with wearing clothes that reveal, but men often find it a turn-off. I’ve heard the word “slut” too many times to forget how other men take it. I’ve also heard guys I was with say, “No wonder there’s rape.”

Clothing has nothing to do with rape. But those guys were insecure and never regarded the women they saw as approachable. The women became objectified and loose to the men around them. Considering that I’m going back to the 1970s when halter tops and short shorts, hip huggers, and hot pants were fashionable, I’ve seen a lot. I’ve seen and heard the reactions of men. And not any of it was any woman’s fault. Men have complicated thoughts and insecurities about women.

The other Tik-Tok women post man-hating videos because they either truly hate men or they’re begging for attention, challenging a man to come forward and ask for a date.

I’m not counting gold digging because that happens with both sexes.

These women have had bad experiences with dating and have come to the heartfelt conclusion that all men are rats.

Thus, these TIKI-TOCKERS post venomous videos about men being swine. Such things have a tendency to spread through influencers. I’m not particularly worried about it because I’m out of the dating game. But many men my age are still in it. They’re in better health, and they have experience enough to know how to treat a lady. But their window is closing.

Soon, the chances are, we will become some parody of everything that’s been held as moral, good, and what God wants for us.

If I see the reverse, however, of men posting tictock videos about how evil women are, I get very concerned. I’m not talking about YouTube personalities who get called out for legitimate reasons. I’m talking about blanket statements that paint all women on one canvas in one color. It’s not only wrong, it’s dangerous. If you do this, there’s no doubt that there are equal reactions: men being swayed by your words to act, up to and including violence against women, which has always existed and always will, and which you have no right to make worse.

Hate speech in videos is extremely damaging, and there is never an excuse for it. But it does not get the attention or action it deserves.

Trendy though it may be, hate videos against the opposite sex, ethnic groups, or anyone is a sin and can cause serious damage.

I want you to seek out your higher power and ask what’s right. We need restraint. Some consideration and compassion. If you’re not a peacemaker, then you are a force of evil, even if you’re silent. Silence is encouraging to those who do evil.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, because they will be called sons of God” (Matt. 5:9).

I may have my own opinions of other’s choices, but I cannot hate the people who choose wrongly. If I do that, then mine is the greater sin. Because I am supposed to know better.

Please, stop watching and liking hate videos. Not one of them is deserving of admiration. And we’re all supposed to be better than that.

I’ve seen my share of evil. I’ve done my share of evil. Satan is real. Hell is real. Ask yourself, “If it’s real, then do I truly want to go there?”

I don’t.

I rank hate speech equally with hate videos. They’re the same. The latter, though, comes in short videos for the generations with short attention spans who can absorb every hateful word.

If you go through my archives, you will see hate, anger, and more. I won’t hide them or remove them. They stand as a glaring testament to the change I’ve experienced, though a work in progress, because the battle never ends. Until the day I draw my final breath, the war rages within. Satan seeks to weaken my faith, while God simply repeats the promise that He is always ready to help me through the Holy Spirit. This battle has been fought before I could even crawl.

God told the prophet Jeremiah that before he was formed in the womb, God knew him. He knows you and I, too.

Sometimes, that verse is used by pro-life people to condemn abortion. I caution everyone not to take and twist scripture to fit an agenda. The verse is about God speaking to Jeremiah. However, we do at least need to consider whether it can apply to all unborn children.

****

As you can see, we don’t know everything. I remember a trendy poster from the early 70s: “Those who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do.”

If we knew everything, do you think that sin would still exist? Would it have been necessary for Jesus Christ to come teach us, then die for us?

I believe that with the presence of Satan, yes. It would have been impossible to escape sin. We are all tested every day with temptation. As a new Christian who used to think he was a Christian but really wasn’t, I’m facing attacks by evil forces constantly. The devil does this because he hates your new faith. He sets monitor demons to spy on you since he isn’t all seeing or knowing like the Lord is. They tell him everything you do so he can accuse you in front of God.

I’m not worried. If God is for me, who can be against me? Those who oppose have no power over me unless God gives the word, and even then, if I hold tight to my faith, the trouble will pass.

I don’t want you to suffer from the tortures of Hell or life without the peace that only God can give you through Christ, who has given his life so you don’t have to end that way.

Open your heart, not your mind, and accept the gift of eternal life with God in Heaven. Don’t give in to the hate that is all around you. Don’t repeat what evil people say. Don’t do as they do. Don’t trust them. They already have their final pleasures and Earthly rewards, but you will have to suffer before you get to Heaven, where there is no more pain, no more weeping, and no more hatred. Don’t count on God to be so merciful that He would never send the unrepentant to Hell. That’s not God. That’s just a lie. Satan wants you to believe it so that you become careless and sin to your heart’s content. God loves his children, but there’s a line past which you can never go except for eternity in a horrible place full of the worst things you can imagine. Don’t go there. Don’t give in to hate, bitterness, anger, or the sins of the flesh. You can have the power through faith and the sacrifice of Jesus to withstand any spiritual attack.

Thank you for reading. I pray that God will be with you, guide you, and protect you. Amen.

What you don’t see

I sit, waiting for a cardiac workup, convinced that I had a heart attack, trying to take it easy. But I can’t. I know that things are getting scary, and I wish I could help you. I wish I could comfort you. But I can’t. I am trying to scare you because things look bad. Israel continues war crimes in Gaza. Then comes news that Israel sortied F-35s to attack Iran. And Ukraine is losing its war with Russia.

Reports say that Chinese youths are giving up on life because of the repressive government committing human rights violations. They declare of their country, “Let it rot.” That’s an incentive to shake things up and start a war. So, yes. Scary stuff.

What I haven’t been seeing is that underneath any headline you care to pick, there’s something more evil. Something slimy. Vile. For all of you fans of Joel Osteen, Madonna, Taylor Swift, and thousands in entertainment and evangelism, I’m asking you to rethink what they do and say.

I finally got sick of the gender nonsense. You’re not gender neutral. Not binary. You’re one sex or another, and that’s it. I’m going to ignore those who look like a certain gender but harshly correct me when I politely call them “sir” or “ma’am.” I’ll do my best, but I’m not taking bullets for anyone’s misplaced identity. I’d be a hypocrite to say I’m a Christian and take the sins or mental illness of others as normal behavior or conditions.

I won’t be hateful or angry. I will not mock nor preach to them. I will remove myself from the situation. But I’m not playing that game anymore.

I oppose sexual sin as it is defined in the Bible. And that’s another game I won’t play: “Jesus never said anything about homosexuality.” Yes, but he did read from the scrolls of what’s now The Old Testament, and he fulfilled the prophecies about himself, and as he preached the New Covenant, he didn’t change it. All he said was, in Matthew 5:38-48,

³⁸Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:

³⁹But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

⁴⁰And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.

⁴¹And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

⁴²Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

⁴³Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

⁴⁴But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

⁴⁵That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

⁴⁶For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

We are to love each other and give, and forgive; we must not hate people for what they do.

You can hate the sin, but you must love the sinner.

We all have trouble with this. But the point is that this is the only Old Testament quote he made that changed.

Of course, he did say that if, on the Sabbath, an ox stuck in a ditch should be rescued because farmers depended on their beasts of burden. I tend to view this as common sense, not a major change.

Maybe Christ didn’t condemn immorality by each specific name, but he did condemn it, going so far to say that if a man so much as looked at a woman with lust, he had already sinned with her in his heart. That’s far more specific than “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

One question before I get back to my recess:

If you die tomorrow, are you sure that you will be welcome in Heaven? Do your actions, habits, or interactions with others really strike you as righteous and the things of a truly repentant person?

Think about it.

Joel Osteen says, “You’re already forgiven.” He leaves the part about true repentance and stopping your sins. In so doing, he lies. Everywhere I go, I hear people saying, “I know that if I sin, all I have to do is ask forgiveness.”

But will you be forgiven? Because God will not forgive a sin that you will not stop repeating, but will only forgive habitual sin that you truly regret and see as something evil and damaging, separating you from the Holy Spirit. This…is the most important decision you will ever make. So please think on it.

My life is not the same. I regret my words. I regret ugly thoughts. I regret my sins and fight temptation with God’s help. I don’t even use the F-bomb anymore. When I’m certain that I’m weak, I pray. It used to be hard to pray. I believed wrong things like Joel Osteen says. My life has a new normal. But I’m not haughty. I remain steadfastly more humble. I’ve lost friends and after this I will lose more. I’m sorry for this, but I don’t care if I lose every friend I have. I’m not going back to my old life.

Don’t mock God. Believe in him, and only him, the one true God, creator of all we see and hear and know.

Above all, be nice. Be a good example of a Christian. I do not believe that John Hagee, Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen and most people in the entertainment industry are Christians. They have enough money that they have no need of nurturing the spirit through God. Taylor Swift is not a Christian. Madonna is doing everything that she can to mock God and work for Satan. Look away from these people and pray for them to see the truth. In the meantime, look after your own heart and soul. The way to Heaven is narrow and not easy to stay on. Guard your faith with all that you have. Don’t let evil people make you give it away.

A world war looks more likely all the time. Scary things are happening. You can live in that fear or have the peace that comes only from God. It’s up to you. But Jesus must be accepted first.

John 14:6King James Version

⁶Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

New York City Confidential: The Visit

Warning: The following contains graphic and disturbing material and it contains triggers. This is intended for mature readers only and must be read with caution.

Present Day

In a hospital somewhere in the Big Apple lies a young man near the end of his life.

It is just another day in the city that never sleeps: the patient will, without a miracle, die. And it will not matter, nor even be known, to any but the handful of doctors and nurses treating and tending to him.

And one earthly angel who knows how beautiful he truly is.

Because they adore him, these nurses. He is mostly silent, but despite his condition, despite his loneliness, his sadness, he is polite and warm.

And on any given hospital floor or ward, patients like him always seem to affect one nurse, perhaps more. In this case, more. He received no visitors.

There came no calls inquiring as to his condition or prognosis. No one cared. Nurses tend to feel at least some sorrow or anger over such things. For some, their necessity of a disconnect fails. No one should be left alone to face death.

And it did look bad; his kidneys had failed. His recovery from a coma was a great development, but the young man was in critical condition. He still is. He had HIV or AIDS before, but treatment had made the virus undetectable in his lab work. Then he contracted COVID-19 and the virus returned. Now, but for the Grace of God, he would already be dead.

But who knows? Perhaps God keeps the dying alive for a reason, because there remains a chance that they can find peace before death. And, just maybe, He plans on a miracle because He loves us all, equally, and does not want us to perish in the Pit.

I cannot say, but without speaking for God, I nevertheless have faith in His unfailing love and forgiveness.

If ever a young man needed a miracle, it’s surely this young man.

His story begins in Texas, where far too many horrible stories seem to start.

His father was the pastor of a church, and his mother was a nurse. Neither should have been so employed, for the father was far more evil than good, and the mother was his carbon copy.

His father the preacher man sodomized him while his mother held him down.

She held him down.

And there is more. When he came out as gay, his father called him a “faggot” and beat him. Whether he was kicked out or ran away is unclear but it does not matter.

Eventually the young man wound up in New York. In his ears it must have reverberated, his father, who routinely sodomized him, calling him a “faggot”. The damage was no doubt extensive. There is no reason given for his attraction to New York, but many gay men move there, most seeking acceptance and some type of human compassion.

But for him, if ever he found it, nothing good could last. Haunted by his past, he could not find lasting friendship nor any other relationship. At one point he wound up in a mental health facility. It is easy to see why. What is more difficult to see is that some part of him, despite loneliness and severe depression, wanted help, wanted to survive.

While he was there, a young woman was also a patient. She had clearly been through a hell of her own, and she was still in it. He decided to not only befriend her but to watch over her as well. And this he did, because his own broken heart hurt even more to see someone trying to fight back from a break, from loss, from addiction, from too much time spent hounded by demons.

The two bonded, improving over time, each very much a part of the other’s recovery. Then, she went home, and although they exchanged phone numbers, and did talk from time to time, the miracle girl he had watched over began getting very serious about finishing her recovery.

The system of replacement therapy is rigged, as I’ve said before. Rigged to keep you dependent on methadone so the clinic keeps getting funded. She emerged from a life-threatening breakdown to realize that the only way to regain her life and her soul was to fight the battle of a lifetime. And she argued with the clinic about stepping down her doses. They would alternatively encourage and discourage her and, with most, that strategy of manipulation works.

But the young woman was never going to be tricked again by the system that would not let her go.

Consulting a doctor not affiliated with the clinic, she did receive support, but also caution. Yet, in all his years of practice, he had never seen anyone so determined who might actually be able to do what she claimed she could, and would do.

Just like she said, exactly as she had said, she stepped down her doses rapidly. The clinic fought her but she was not having it. Finally she had had enough, and got her intake of methadone so low that despite her doctor’s concern, she ceased taking it. Silencing every critic and every rule of the system, what she did would not seem astounding to you or to me, but for her it was the drug equivalent of jumping from a second story window, landing as gracefully as a gymnast, and getting the winning score. And her doctor was astonished. What she had done, in the time in which she did it, with no lasting effects, was something he had never seen before. He was proud, but not of anything he had done; it was all her, she who possessed the fighting spirit of a tigress.

And that analogy is not off: a tigress is among the fiercest fighters in the animal kingdom, an apex predator with almost no fear of humans. The young woman had put up a fight, the like of which few have ever survived.

That fight was not short nor did it come without pain.

She continues to fight. Every day. But the entire time she was suffering, prayers came from all directions including her priest, who lit the tapirs and said the rosary in her behalf.

Her past was known to the priest. A violent multiple rape while a young teen. Comfort sought in hard drugs. Dysfunctional relationships that only lowered her closer to the abyss. Until death and shock and trauma piled upon trauma broke her and she met the lonely young man in the hospital.

She had lost her way. Lost everything she was, everything she thought she knew. The lonely man was there to help her get that back. These things are never chance meetings. God knows when two lost people need each other. He leads them to the quiet waters but never forces them to drink. That’s always up to them.

I always found in my worst stays in hospital that there was one person I could be comfortable around. It’s funny, that. And it always helps.

But as time went on, the young woman began grabbing her life back. An awesome man came into her life and a romance began. She made fast friends with his family and his friends. She had begun to live after decades of being a prisoner.

Then came a day when she found an unknown number on her phone. A number she did not recognize. Usually she would let such a thing go, but not this one. She felt strongly about it and knew she had to return the call.

It was the lonely man she had been watched over by in the hospital and he’d come out of a three-week coma and was very weak. It was difficult to speak because of the tube he had been sustained by, but she knew: he needed to see her and she needed to go to him.

Her boyfriend made a stop along the way, took her to the hospital, but because of covid protocols had to remain in the car.

Upstairs, the lonely man lay, withered, 60 pounds lighter, weak, fearing death. His friend walked up to the nurse’s station and one nurse smiled and said, “I’m so happy to see you. He’s had no one come in or even call and he’s so sweet.”

She went into the room, greeted him, and had to lean close to hear him. Clad in protective gloves, mask and gown, she listened.

He said he was happy that she was here. She gave him the stuffed unicorn she had bought on the way over. He loved it. Bending low she heard him say, “I’m scared of dying. I’m scared I’ll go to hell.”

She assured him that it wasn’t true. He would not go to hell. God knew the kindness of his heart, and would never allow such a kind soul to descend to the pit.

She asked him if he would like to talk to the priest they had both met before. He said yes, he would, and he seemed comforted by the suggestion. She said she would get the priest to come and see him.

After a few more moments that I will leave private, he thanked her for remembering him, for answering his call, and said, “I think I can sleep now.”

Before leaving home, someone had asked her why she had to go see this guy. “Because,” she said, “he’s my friend. He looked after me and protected me, and now he needs me.” It wasn’t about owing him or feeling obligated; it was love that drove this extraordinary woman to go. And nothing on this earth is more powerful than love.

This truly heartbreaking story is also a reminder to us all that no act of kindness, no show of friendship and loyalty ever goes unnoticed by God or under-appreciated by those we give the kindness to. We were given a command: love each other. When we fail, things happen that hurt. When we do it, the world is better for it. You and I may not feel it, but I know it’s the truth.

Have a great week, and God bless.

Accidental Spiritual Mending And Renewed Faith (Edited for spelling and factual errors)

I believe that I have changed much this past year. Looking back on the “Level-Up” post in which I wrote negatively about my birthday, I can see it. Now, at level 62, you’d be forgiven to think another birthday would make me more cynical, more depressed, more likely to complain.

Lately, I have thought of lots of things, and my faith is stronger. This has benefits I’ve never felt before. I resist temptation more. I’m more likely to check my swearing. I’m kinder than I was. Less depressed. I took an insult so well recently that I no longer recall it, while usually insults ring in my ears for months, and some for decades.

The search for God has been difficult and I was a believer. You could never imagine what’s changed or how simply it happened.

The change is real, but not enough for me. I want to do better, and do something good with my new faith. If that’s meant to be, I will. I’ve lost my greatest fears and will meet the end of life without them.

But I have these scars and still-open wounds, inflicted when I had no control. These injuries I cannot ask God to heal instantly. Time, friends who were patient with me, therapy, medicine and a dogged refusal to surrender along with the tiny bit of faith I had has led me here. And sometimes miracles come from the smallest of faiths, and sometimes you can’t get what you want immediately.

It just doesn’t work out like that. Pain and suffering are universal; there is no way out of or around it. I find that many suffer more than I, and maybe I don’t know what to say to them, and it’s true that no matter what I’ve been through, I can never imagine what it’s like for another, whose experience with suffering and trauma must be absolutely terrible.

And sometimes words of reassurance and comfort only bring anger and bitterness to those who hurt. Words are usually ineffective. But being there for someone who weeps, even if they do so silently, internally, is far better than any words. Just wait until they’re really ready to talk, pray for them, and then listen. Just listen. If they need your shoulder or a hug, they’ll let you know.

Sometimes saying nothing is the most powerful medicine we have to offer. If words are necessary, be careful with them and keep it simple. The stages of healing from trauma and loss are never to end, and patience with all the people you long to comfort does not remain strong. They may be especially needy or cry a lot. That gets to be burdensome.

I think that is our greatest weakness and it was always a problem for me, because I go through my own pain. I’ve learned that my pain is something others cannot comprehend, but also that when I help others, I heal a bit more.

The Boondock Saints

I watched “The Boondock Saints” years back, and it really makes me think. Seeing it again made me think about much more.

The film begins in a “Catholic” church (it’s not actually filmed in one because Duffy was denied permission). The priest begins to talk about an incident in which a girl was stabbed to death and nobody helped her or called the police. He says, “Now, we all must fear evil men. But there is an evil we must fear most and that is the indifference of good men.”

The McManus brothers, fraternal twins, have prayed at the statue of the Holy Mother, and are on their way out when they hear this.

Connor, played by Sean Patrick Flannery, bears a tattoo on his left hand, “Veritas,” Latin for truth. His brother Murphy, played by Norman Reedus, bears a similar tattoo, “Aguitas”, Latin for equality and justice. These actors fully committed to their parts for a film that is truly a masterpiece. However…

In the United States, only 5 theaters showed it, and those had limited runs of one week because it followed the Columbine massacre so closely in time; it was felt that such a violent film would cause controversy and that it would be in poor taste as well.

Columbine Massacre

On 20 April, 1999, 18-year-old Eric Harris and 17-year-old Dylan Klebold went to their school, Columbine High School. Just like any other day, but on this one, the two carried out a plan one year in the making. They very quickly, using semiautomatic rifles and pistols, racked up a victim count of 12 dead 21 injured. Two propane bombs in the cafeteria could have killed many more, but didn’t detonate. The boys left behind, after killing themselves, a shocked nation and families who can never be healed from such sudden, violence-caused deaths of their children. One teacher was among the dead.

The film was released in Denmark well before the horrifying event, but not until November in the United States, some 7 months following the massacre. Thus, the limited release and dreadful critical reception. There was so much fallout after Columbine that people wanted to end all violence on the big screen, television and video games. The boys had played the game “Doom” which is a first-person shooter, and then had improvised their own “game” in a school setting. Instead of monsters, the enemies were students. Harris was most responsible for the modifications.

Video Release

Only after video release did the praise for it become unavoidable; a sequel, years in the making, did much better but failed to reach its full potential.

The first movie shows how the brothers stick together and protect each other no matter what. On St. Patrick’s Day, the Irish twins, who have never met their father, are working in a meat packing plant. They’re told to train a new employee. Connor mentions a rule of thumb and she’s offended, saying that in the early 1900s, men were allowed to beat their wives so long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb. This rule never existed in any form except as a possible unit of measure in Medieval Europe. Connor holds up his hand, thumb extended, and says you can’t do much with a stick that thin and suggests, “Maybe it should have been a rule of wrist”, at which she goes off. Explaining that it’s just a joke, she gets more enraged and kicks Connor in the groin. When she turns to face Murphy, he delivers a powerful right to her face. When one is hurt, the other avenges the wrong. You do not want an Irishman getting that angry with you, and sometimes I think the Irish in me can evoke reactions I later regret. But it is also a part of me that strengthens my faith.

This is not to bash my heritage or to stereotype, but it remains a fact that, on coming to America, the Irish were enslaved, discriminated against and paid less for hard labor than others. They were shunned for no reason at all. When driven too far, they were well known as fierce drinkers and even more fierce fighters. Drunk on Saturday night, they attended Mass on Sunday no matter how hungover they were. In a fight, getting up after being knocked down was a bad idea. Perhaps the stereotypical Irish temper comes from that; but things improved after World War Two in which they proved their patriotism and courage.

Connor and Murphy are turned into heroes when, after a bar fight, Russian mobsters come calling. The Russians are killed by the brothers, afterward turning themselves in to police, where FBI Agent Smecker (Willem Dafoe) questions and releases them because it was self defense.

They wear Celtic crosses, are devoutly catholic, and they are not finished killing. They go to a hotel and kill 9 Russian mobsters including the boss. They place pennies or quarters on the dead men’s eyes, questionable for them except that Roman mythology held that this must be done for them to pay Charon, the underworld ferryman who conveyed them across the Styx to be judged. It is not a modern or a Christian tradition. They say a prayer over the boss’s body that ends with “in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit” spoken in Latin:

Enter: Rocco, an abused errand boy for the Yakavetta mob family in Boston. He is sent to kill the Russians with only a revolver. The boys, who are fast friends with Rocco, try to tell him that his boss set him up. He doesn’t believe them until he goes to the Lakeview Lunch cafe and questions two wiseguys who laugh at him. He shoots both, then the old bartender who knew about the trap.

After this, he joins the “Saints” as the press have dubbed the brothers and his first idea is to whack the underboss who obviously hated him and came up with the plan to kill him. Played with delicious, hateful and scummy malice by Ron Jeremy, the Saints kill him. The Boss believes Rocco is getting revenge and that he’s good at it. He asks the retired underboss to help him call in “the Duke”, a non-Italian killer once used by his father to kill wiseguys because they didn’t like to kill their own. The old man warns him that the Duke is a Monster and to be careful.

After another mob killing, the trio exits a house only to face the Duke, waiting for them with six guns strapped to his body. The gunfight is vicious, and all four shooters are wounded. Rocco loses a finger, and in the next scene Agent Smecker is out front of the house, surrounded by detectives who at first were resentful that the Feds had sent him. He thinks for a few minutes and his brilliant mind recounts what happened. He gets very agitated and growls, followed immediately by “There was a firefight!” as he raises his arms over his head just like he did in “Platoon”. Smecker then finds Rocco’s finger and now knows he’s with the Saints.

After the boys and Rocco cauterize their wounds with an iron, they go to morning Mass while Rocco waits outside. Rocco sees a hungover Smecker walk into the church and follows him. When Smecker goes to a confession booth, Rocco holds the priest at gunpoint and forces him to tell Smecker that he’s right to believe the Irish twins are doing something necessary. Then the boys call Smecker and tell him they’re going after Yakavetta at his house that night. But the boys are captured trying to get in through the basement, and tortured. Yakavetta kills Rocco, and the twins get free, overcome their captors and say their generations-old family prayer. The Duke, who knocked out Agent Smecker upstairs (Smecker, who is gay, dressed in drag to pose as entertainment hired for the men). Smecker shoots two wiseguys before being knocked out (the Duke never killed women or children).

He walks into the basement and is ready to kill the twins until he hears their prayer, at which he finishes it: he’s their father. For 25 years he was in prison after being set up. He’s never seen his sons but now, he puts a hand gently to their cheeks and the family is reconciled.

Then the Duke and the boys, father and sons, with aid by the detectives and Agent Smecker, bypass security at the courthouse where boss Yakavetta is on trial. They execute him and warn the gallery that if they cross the line, they will find the Saints right on their trail.

But sometimes the very negative, the depiction of evil done in God’s name, can have a profound effect for the greater good. For one, the boys actually believe that killing evil men is righteous and necessary. Everything in the gospels say otherwise, and expressly so. For another, they didn’t have to be Irish; this story could work with anyone, but their devout prayers and deep accents really made this movie a classic. I had multiple issues with it yet when forced to face my own feelings, found an awareness and sensitivity to what is evil and what is not. It was their crosses that inspired me to shop cross pendants on Amazon.

By sheer accident I found rosary beads and crucifixes. One drew my attention and held it. I didn’t know why but ordered it without hesitation. On researching it, I found that the Saint Benedict Rosary is strong protection against Satan. Benedict guards one from temptation, Satan, vices and bad health. He is also believed to be there upon one’s death to escort their soul to Heaven along with St. Michael the archangel, and one’s guardian angels. He is also the patron Saint of Europe. Wearing a bracelet or rosary with St. Benedict medals is therefore quite powerful in spiritual combat against Satan.

I also bought a celtic cross pendant. This cross is said to have been created by St. Patrick himself. He placed the cross over the disc that symbolized the sun god to prove that Jesus was more powerful. Often seen in cemeteries, it is still worn by Irish, the Welsh and Scots.

Ultimately it is faith, not an object, that frees us from the devil’s grip. Faith that we are loved and watched over by God can make a huge difference in anyone’s life.

The question now is, can my new faith hold fast? With the cross on my chest and the beads wrapped around my hand, I am far less likely to think and behave badly. That’s a great illustration of hypocrisy and I refuse. Temptation will always be real and pervasive to all humans. We don’t get special powers. We get faith in Abba, the Holy Father, our creator. Through faith, few things are impossible.

I need to make clear, though, that intervention for people in danger is Godly, noble, honorable. Self sacrifice is a mark of a good person. It can never exceed that, and vigilantism I cannot condone. And all killing in God’s name must stop. War and murder is hateful to the Lord.

Top: the Rosary of St. Benedict; at the bottom is the Celtic cross.

Note that the rosary has nothing else but medals of Benedict. As you pray the Benedictine Rosary, each medal is a place to stop and meditate on the Mysteries. Benedict stood for abstinence, prayer and hard work along with studies. He advocated the resistance to Satan who brings harm and disease, causes covetousness for possessions; in turn the Benedictine monks began taking a vow of poverty.

You don’t have to say the Rosary if you’re protestant. But just holding it, and prayer in silence, makes me stronger in faith. And to think I got this from a movie…

Until the next time I’m leaving you with the main title music from the first Saints movie. Beautiful Irish music you can’t get out of your head.

Be well.

The Day Christ Came With A Smile

New York City

1977-1978

Marcus was seven-and-a-half years-old. He loved Tonka trucks, cartoons, teddy bears, ducks and puppies. He had a soft spot for Clifford, The Big Red Dog.

For one so young, he left all who knew, who were with him in those days, with the unforgettable memory of every minute spent with him.

Every minute.

All children were always special. Always have been, always will be.

They’re known, especially, for handling serious illness with great courage and an amazing compassion toward those charged with their care.

And so it was with Marcus. He had a condition known as aplastic anemia. This, back then, was a dire condition. And now you can see where this is going, except, no. You really don’t.

For Marcus was, you see, very abused. So the condition inflicted on him was twice the tragedy. Twice the pain and suffering.

It, the disease that is, can be treated with stem cells and things I can’t remember now, but back in 1978, the doctors fought an inevitable conclusion. One that often leaves both doctors and nurses with emotional pain they also cannot cure.

Many times I’ve been told that a detachment must exist between medical professionals and their patients, and it is the truth. If it didn’t work, men and women would be so filled with grief that they would never stop crying. It would come from every pore. So much suffering and death does one see that there are, however, exceptions to the self-discipline rule of distance.

For the treatment team of Marcus, he was an exception.

Doctors visited him just to make visits. Nurses played with Tonka trucks with him. They sat and watched cartoons with him. And he loved to draw. Ducks and puppies, of course.

While he was in the hospital, Marcus grew on everyone. And yes, children do that to professionals more than you think. They were always amazed at the courage children have when sick. Often, the sicker, the more courageous.

One nurse bonded with him, a special bond. She promised to be present when he was scheduled for a spinal tap. For anyone who doesn’t know, that’s the extraction of spinal fluid straight from the space around the spinal column, and it bloody hurts. I knew a guy who had spinal meningitis and even coughing made him “see stars”. But nothing he was going through, nothing in his entire life had hurt like the spinal tap. It’s also called a “Lumbar Puncture” which even sounds painful.

The nurse kept her promise and talked him through it. He said, “It hurts, it hurts, it HURTS!”

But he did not cry.

He did not scream. My friend, a grown man, screamed. Marcus told the nurse, “I can’t scream. I’m not a girl.” No doubt a speech his abuser had imprinted and imposed on him. Predators don’t often like screaming.

But courage of that type has its rewards. One day, Marcus said, “I see them. They’re real.”

“What’s real,” someone asked.

“Angels. They’re talking to me.” He was smiling.

And with a child’s faith, as his organs were failing, the day came when he told the nurses, “Jesus is here.”

He told them, “Don’t cry,” and looked at the nurse who had bonded so much with him. She knew it was happening. Perhaps she didn’t want to let go. Surely she didn’t want to see him die.

She may just have wanted to know: “What’s he look like?”

“He looks very nice. He’s smiling at me.”

Marcus lost consciousness. Five minutes later, he died.

He had a smile on his face.

Two of the nurses present saw what happened next. Something very bright, mist-like, arose from his body. Then, the room became very bright.

Yeshua, Jesus Christ, had come for brave Marcus, who had suffered a life of pain yet believed with a child’s faith. Had come for him with a smile, and Marcus had met him with a smile.

Faith is not the same for everyone. It is debated whether faith alone, or baptism, or repentance is also necessary for true salvation. And I cannot answer questions like those. I am not qualified; I don’t know.

I cannot judge someone, however, whom I believe in my heart to have had the simplest faith of all, who must have been innocent, without mortal sin. To have been overjoyed at being the center of attention despite his pain, because he had never known any attention so caring before in his short life.

A child, with a child’s faith.

People can debate salvation all they want. But I never cared for those who used rules and the threat of eternal damnation to keep people in line and keep them coming to church, and keep them tithing their income. Hypocrites! Religion, the belief in a higher being, is supposed to comfort people, not frighten them into unloading their purses while the preacher speaks words he’s forgotten the meaning of. You won’t find penance by giving ten percent of your annual income to a building run by men who exclude women, who molest children, spend church money on themselves. No debauched man can give you salvation.

Only the Father, through his Son, can do that.

Perhaps it is best, then, to tell the story of a boy with faith and courage, who never went to confession but was happy and pure and who told everyone he knew he was going to Heaven.

A boy who, despite his own pain, told others he loved, “Don’t cry.”

Because he reminds us, even now, the way to Heaven is best seen through the eyes–and faith–of a child.