Wars and Rumors of Wars: an essay

Welcome.

If you’re like me, then sometimes you forget about things when they seem to vanish from the media. And maybe, like I do, you limit your exposure to the “news” anyway, trying not to find myself waist deep in the big muddy. I know that’s too deep for me. Step once more, and I can find myself way over my head with my ruck, my M-16, and steel pot, weighing me down and making sure I stay there.

So, like me, did you think ransomware had magically vanished?

The Guardian is reporting that in a speech at Vanderbilt University, FBI Chief Christopher Wray stated that a group of hackers associated with the Chinese government had been using botnets to overpower critical United States infrastructure and have compromised key systems. These include municipal water systems, power, and more.

This is nothing short of terrifying to me, but at the same time, it’s not at all shocking.

I’ve warned in writing since 2008 that China bore scrutiny, and in international politics, that’s a significant warning. Few seemed to notice. Now, here we are: systems compromised to the point that our infrastructure is a victim of what amounts to ransomeware. The thing being “ransomed?” Taiwan. They don’t want us interfering in their long-time determination to take Taiwan as their own.

What’s really happening: China has finally come right out and declared war on the United States. This war needs no bombs, no ICBMs, no aircraft, no navy, and zero infantry. This is well-planned and ready for execution, and the Chinese government claims no affiliation with Volt Typhoon, the hacking campaign. The government has deniability but doesn’t care if nobody believes that the hackers are operating on their own. That’s just words, but in underhanded politics and war, the words matter. How many humanitarian groups do you think will align themselves with the Chinese government to “prevent hostilities?” Oh, they’ll figure it out when all of New York City has all of its power turned off, and nobody in Los Angeles can draw tap water, and DC has every access to the internet gobbled up. And worse. Everyone’s forgotten about Flint, Michigan, so conveniently because the media reported that at that time, even worse water quality was on tap in multiple cities in various states. That story went away, too, and nobody cares. Or remembers. Watching Fox News is proof that people want to believe lies. Or spoon-fed like babies fresh off the teat. That they want to be brainwashed and not have to think for themselves.

I’m wary of all press releases no matter their source, but unfortunately, this one I have to believe. I knew a long time ago that China had been planning something dreadful. When Xi was “elected” dictator, I knew trouble wasn’t far off. Unlike other wars, this one is capitalizing on our lax trade restrictions with China. They make more microchips than we do. And the country making the most chips? Taiwan.

Taiwan is the leader

South Korea runs second

China is third

The United States is fourth in microchip production.

You thought we had the top position, didn’t you?

So did I. The subject doesn’t come up in many headlines. It’s not our fault. Blame a government so divided that legislation and enforcement are impossible.

When Trump was president, all we ever heard was how great he was and how unfair the “fake news media” was.

He wasn’t wrong, but he surely did twist it.

His administration marked a strange turning point in news reporting. Most “news” channels don’t even report the news. They have chained together shows hosted by opinion peddlers who try to, and usually do, influence the way we interpret the news. Based on our beliefs and emotions, we end up divided. We can’t even agree on the fact that breakfast cereals are basically poison. And that’s without dudes on the production line urinating in your Corn Flakes . Think that’s old, do ya, think it happened only one time? That fool took a video of himself doing it. Imagine how many do it without the visual creds. And I’m sorry I researched this one. Google did that thing where it shows possible ways your query could finish up, based on previous searches by millions of users. One possibility was “how does a man pee,” and I don’t know about you, but the fact that anyone searched this is scary.

But getting back to it, China is our biggest threat ever. The apps, like Tick Tock, are things I urge you to get rid of and never look back. The data, all of it, is downloaded to the owner in China, which, by the way, also infiltrated our servers. Don’t be deceived; if a Chinese company has your info, then the Chinese government has it. The least that happens is that they see the absolute worst of us and know we’re a nation of idiots; they have the proof. But millions of computers get compromised by this and other means. That 2,000 dollar gaming PC you own isn’t really owned by you but is part of a botnet their government is using right now, going to dedicated targets in over twenty pipelines. You can be owned and never know it. Games, even if they’re single-player games, still have to be played online. That’s a perfect storm. Once compromised, it’s nothing more than a bot. Not only can it be used that way, but also to get your personal information. Transactions, search history, habits, and those ridiculously awful videos you post showing your new jailhouse tattoo between your breasts right before you twerk, because twerking. An enemy that first does all the intelligence collecting is the mightiest of all, one to be feared. And we let them do it.

Capitalizing on teens and young adults who are reckless and have no shame, they’re in for keeps. We can’t stop the coming attacks. This is a war we will surely lose without immediate and drastic intervention by our government.

The problem is that people will scream that their rights are being violated and cause a real mess. When the Patriot Act was put in place, few people realized that it was for the good of us all. We still have no idea how many terrorist attacks were prevented because of the act; that information is a part of our national security. For safety, we had to give some things up. After the Twin Towers fell, we agreed to it. Now, people shout about its evil nature. Now, we’re in this place of susceptibility to a tech war. It may not be one fought with bombs, but people will die. Imagine power in hospitals being cut off. Life support for premature newborn babies won’t work. A shooting victim can’t be saved by surgery. The freezers in the morgue stop. Vaccines and blood will go bad. No lights. The backup generator runs out of fuel because gas pumps are without power. Trucks can’t deliver oxygen. In 24 hours, every hospital in any large city is forced to send bodies to the basement where the stench only gets worse.

Traffic lights remain inoperable. Traffic accidents and backups get worse. Then they run low on battery power or fuel. The city shuts down.

One may think, come on, let China just have Taiwan, but do you really think that it would end there? If you do, you’re wrong. Give in to terrorists, let them know that you can be broken, and you guarantee that worse will follow.

Meanwhile…

The war in Gaza has not let up no matter how many civilians are killed; the war between Israel and Iran is being downplayed, which is concerning, and our response is tepid. President Biden condemned the Iranian attack on Israel, but it seems certain that this will embolden Israel to continue its war against Gaza. There can be no winners in these conflicts, which can easily escalate into World War Three.

Ukraine is weakened, and the Russians are gaining ground. If Ukraine continues to get no relief and supplies, then Russia will win within just months.

It’s not looking good.

The words of Jesus come back to me: There will be wars and rumors of wars...

Now is a good time to kneel and pray.

And get rid of Chinese apps.

Remember, you didn’t care. You were warned. We all were. But you and everyone else wanted your fifteen minutes of fame. Nothing could stand in your way; you had to show off your butt implants, piercings, or try to impress that girl in trig class by doing something that should have killed you but didn’t, and you wanted to make her laugh. News flash, it didn’t work. She didn’t laugh, she cringed, and now she’s so aloof that she might as well be in Australia. And you can’t get there from here. Oh, sure, the girls giggle by their lockers when you walk by, but it’s not in appreciation. Nope. You screwed up. So you immediately delete the video but it’s too late, and hundreds of people you don’t even know have downloaded copies. It’s like that topless selfie that Wendy Anderson sent to her boyfriend two years ago. He shared it with his best bud, who pushed “send all” and it can’t be deleted. It might even be on a porn site or two, and Ms. Anderson found out the hard way that whatever is done, is done. Forever.

The Anderson family had to move away after that. But in no town was Wendy safe. Someone found it. She had filled out, but there was no doubting that it was her in that picture. Old men propositioned her and she tried to complain. She found the photo on a porn site. Her parents successfully sued. But they found out that money can’t erase anything on the internet. Their daughter is in therapy and even occasionally hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. She’s on medication for life because PTSD of that level of severity doesn’t just go away. Like that one photograph, it is forever. How many lives have been ruined in this way?

You can look, but you can never know because of confidentiality laws. Teen suicide is a huge problem, and this type of thing adds to it. On Tick Tock, kids do the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. Engaging in drama is the least of it. I thought I was stupid growing up (I was; nobody is immune), but spur of the moment or impulsive acts on video are the very height of recklessness. How many times have you seen a report on a celebrity posting hateful things on X (Twitter) that they say is now deleted? Too late, dude. Half the country took screenshots and shared them with the other half of the country. Now, you can apologize until your fingers fall off, but who will believe you?

That is, unless your name is Taylor Swift, then everyone will believe it’s a deepfake. But you, nobody will forget. And words cut deep. They are every bit as destructive as mortars. Maybe worse. We’ll know when China makes the overtures in their tech war. Imagine how easily they can put deep hatred using social media between man and wife, best friends, or two countries.

REVENGE STORIES

One thing I had randomly pop onto my YouTube feed was what’s known as a revenge story.

I’m not sure whether the authors are all one woman-hating man or otherwise, but the stories are all narrated by AI voices.

They all involve a husband who gets the suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. Sometimes, the man has long suffered from the signs he’s sure are what he thinks they are. Sometimes, the husband is actually tipped off by a friend, a co-worker, or a family member. Sometimes, he finds blatantly careless clues. But every story has the common theme, and it goes like this: the husband converts their joint account into his own, sends them to “offshore” accounts, puts the house up for sale, gets the best divorce lawyer in town, a private detective gathers evidence, he secures sole custody of the kids or finds out they’re not his, and gets alimony and child support from the now-destitute wife, whose lover leaves her all alone. Sometimes the husband immediately stays in a hotel or apartment, sometimes he moves to the guest room, leaving her desperate to ease her suspicions that he knows and have “closeness” (sex) with him to show her undying fidelity and love. When it fails, she’s scared until the moment she’s served with divorce papers. Then, she tumbles into depression and begins to lose weight.

Some of these stories come from reddit and inspire dozens of copycat videos. The point is that men who read this rubbish tend to become paranoid, and that gains him a division between him and his wife, who gets tired of him sneaking around and trying to catch her. Marriage over.

Without trust, we cannot have meaningful relationships. It’s that simple.

Granted, marriage isn’t easy. And the wrong couple won’t last. And spouses do cheat on their partner. It happens. And it always has, but in this porn-filled, social media-dependant world, it seems more and more prevalent to me. Our society is full of people encouraging others to “experience life” and then watch their advice lead to ruin. Now, with all of this going on and texting or messaging letting people easily be tempted and then plan acts of fornication and adultery, don’t you think that a cyber-enemy can use all that? Of course they will. The reddit stories are one way. Ruin the family unit, one at a time, and you weaken the whole. Deepfakes are big in porn, and celebrities like Blake Lively are big on the list. I remember reading that the invincible Taylor Swift had some of her Deepfakes removed, but for every single one she found out about, there are infinitely more.

Imagine seeing your wife in one. Finally, we have to question what is real and what is not. Conspiracy theories abound as to our reality not being real at all, but a version of a “Matrix-like” simulation. They even link the Mandela Effect with “glitches in the Matrix.” Okay, now we’re really losing it.

But the time is coming when China and perhaps other countries will wage war with all of this. Personal information, images, rumors, and more. It will be the opening shots fired in true war, softening our resolve and even our cognitive thinking before emptying Wall Street, shutting down military defense, and leaving us unable to do anything about it. Get your minds out of the gutter, out of conspiracy theories about matrices (not having to do with advanced mathematics but conspiracies) and goofy YouTube videos. Wake up. Pray that God will grant you the awareness of what’s really happening.

The war that I believe I see looming will be worse than anything we have ever seen. Jesus said it would be like the days of Noah. People will be eating, drinking, and marrying or giving in marriage. They won’t care. While millions starve to death, including wee babies, the rich and powerful are turning away. This is the path to war. This is a time of social and economic upheaval, the like of which this world has never seen. Are you ready? Really ready? Because as far back as Joel, there’s a prophecy about the moon turning red:

“The sun shall be turned to darkness, and the moon to blood, before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes.”

Interestingly, rust has been discovered on the moon. It’s spreading. On a body with no atmosphere, I don’t think I can explain it. Feel free to follow this fascinating phenomenon at your convenience. Who would ever guess that rust would form on the moon, visible and verified? It may not mean much. I don’t pretend to know. But what if it does?

Isiah chapter one:

The vision of Isaiah the son of Amoz, which he saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem in the days of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah. Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the Lord has spoken: “Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand.” Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the Lord, they have despised the Holy One of Israel, they are utterly estranged. Why will you still be struck down? Why will you continue to rebel? The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint. …

“The whole head is sick.”

That’s for certain. Porn, internet intrigue, slander, drug abuse, alcohol and tobacco… we’re all sick. But we are convinced that we are right. Festivals and rituals praising Satan are sickening to me. There’s nudity and sexual sin, paraded for all to see. Witches claim religious rights and attract many to their evil cult. We’re sick, alright, and the prophecy may have been about the Jews,but all of humanity is stricken. All truth is decried as lies, all manner of evil permitted. Human traffickers operate with no fear. And the United States is a prime target, already soft, already weakened by false preaching, or apostasy, turning people away from God instead of toward him. When will we learn?

Probably not until it is too late. The prophet Daniel wrote that near the end, people will go to and fro, seeking knowledge, and knowledge will increase. Well, you don’t need a library anymore; you have the internet. Search any subject. It’s there. Want to know the order of battle for Midway? You got it. A close recipe for KFC? Done.

The times of the last days are coming but not yet. Besides, nobody knows that. When Jesus told his Apostles that there would be wars and rumors of wars, and earthquakes in various places, he added that of the hour of the end, he himself didn’t know, but only God did. That means we’re to live the best we can and not obsess over it. But though I don’t obsess, I also see the storm clouds in the distance. Look at what we’ve done to ourselves. Soon, those towering clouds will get closer, and violent lightning will be seen. That’s as close as I ever want to get.

Cyber-warfare is here. And from here, it only gets worse. Now is the time to feel regret for those selfies and stupid Tick Tock videos. Repent of all you’ve done by first seeing how wrong you’ve been. Regret those things, hate them for what they can do to your soul after your body is finished, when God will have his own say. Fear God, who can send you to eternal anguish and pain. Only then can you truly help others.

Only then can your mind be made well again.

Goodnight, and God bless.

Father and Son

First, I want to thank you for being here with me to share in this inspired moment. I’m grateful for you.

Next, I’m going to set up a video I found. I’m back on Twitter because I needed to get information about things that I can’t otherwise see. I’ve been good, because I’ve learned so much. I can control myself and I have no wish to be cruel with words. Sure, I’m still angered by republican subterfuge and their undermining of our government, but I think everyone should be. We’re talking current events, but also about the future. I see nothing they’ve done as trivial or honorable, not in the least.

There was a post I saw with a question: in Assassin’s Creed games, what is your favorite Father and Son?

I was quick to answer, and no, the question did not trigger me; there’s some recovery behind me after all.

Two years after the photograph above was taken, I was talking on the phone with my son, and he described a game he was playing that involved assassins and Egypt and pyramids. I had, impossibly, never heard of Assassin’s Creed games. I had been out of the gaming loop because I was on disability and gaming was beyond my means; I had an original Xbox with a few good games, but that was it. We still played Serious Sam co-op and it was still fun, but I couldn’t afford any newer consoles.

He wanted my help on some places he was stuck, and I worried because his mother’s place was infested with roaches, and those buggers love electronics. I knew a guy who bought a used PC and brought it to our group home and sure enough, there was the devil to pay getting rid of those roaches. I’m not scared of bugs, mind you; but having roaches is a nightmare. E.G. Marshall played one of his final roles in Creepshow, an anthology film with Adrienne Barbaeu and Leslie Nielsen. In Marshall’s segment he was a real phobic, a hermit terrified of germs, insects and just about anything else. He sees one roach, abusively demands an exterminator, and, well…I guess you can see where this goes.

I’m hardly that character, but my ex was doing nothing about her roaches and I didn’t want them in my new place. If you are a fan of hindsight and regret, you understand why I’ve often wished I could change that decision.

My son was the one who got me into gaming. We found common ground there, where his autism and other issues vanished, leaving a boy whom I could talk to and who could talk to me. We laughed together, cussed together, threw Playstation controllers on the floor, and we were happy.

I took the time to answer his questions about life, about how to treat people, about how God is real and loves us, and some of it got through, and some did not. That’s how it always is with fathers and sons.

Another thing that held me back was that when he said “assassins”, I confused it with the “Hitman” series, games I didn’t like. I passed up an opportunity to play one of the greatest games ever made with him for stupid reasons. He was still trying to beat that game when drugs took his life. After the first stimulus check came, I bought a refurbished PS4 and by then knew what Assassin’s Creed games were. The latest one was Odyssey, but I wanted to start with Origins because I didn’t know the series went all the way back to 2007. I thought Origins was the beginning and I should start there.

I quickly realized that I was playing the same game my son had been playing. Oddly, it begins with Bayek of Siwa, a Medjay, or protector, returning from a year abroad tracking and killing one of the men who killed his son, Khemu. The death of Khemu has turned Bayek into an infuriated killer. Bayek still holds to his Medjay principles and is an honorable man with kindness still a part of his soul, but a cult still exists, those who kill the innocent. He has vowed to kill them all. During the game, he must find stone circles and use them to sight constellations. He had visited all of these with his son, and used their quiet time to gently answer questions the boy had. These flashbacks of those conversations are in the following video.

How odd that this game touched me so much. The question on Twitter did not trigger me. I didn’t cry. I watched the video above before posting the link, and I did not cry. But that’s my son, and me, in simpler, happier times.

One of my favorite YouTube personalities was Simon Whistler. One day he remarked that something was “about as relatable as an Assassin’s Creed game”. And I’ve not watched his videos since. He was talking down, in a way I found insensitive, to fans of his who played the Creed games. And I thought, what’s more relatable than a father losing a son? He’s never experienced loss, or he wouldn’t have said such a nasty, condescending thing. He’s also never played Origins, because the story premise alone is plainly about loss, something everyone must experience. Death is a part of life. Unnatural death should not be. Yet it is.

Father and Son. A title. A relationship. A bond that is sacred and must be nurtured. It cannot be left unattended or it begins to wither. Sometimes….too often….it cannot survive.

I’m out of time for looking back and blaming myself. God will judge what I’ve done right, and what I’ve done wrong. And though a violent video game is seldom considered a tool for learning, I did learn from it. I was reminded of the importance of honor and living up to the concept as best I could. I was forced to face memories of better days, and of the worst days–the days my children died.

Perhaps seeing the tweet helped me to turn a corner. I will still cry, and always grieve for my children. Khemu asked his father if they would be together in the afterlife.

I have to believe I will see them in Heaven, where we will run on green grass and laugh together again.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. (Revelation 21:4)

Death Is A Cruel Transient

It goes where it will, never resting, never needing sustenance except for the one thing it does to those left behind. Life is taken by Death; it is the one true constant in our world. Grieving souls feed its cruel appetite.

It loves the pain and after it takes away from us, we never forget that our time too will come.

I’ve written about death here, and it always hurts me. There is no value in keeping pain to oneself; doing so makes everything worse.

Yet letting it out has often led me to question the value it holds as well. Does anyone read, do they hear the words of the grief-stricken people left behind? Do the wails and sobs fall to deaf ears?

The true story is always going to end in tragedy. If we admit to being mortal, that is. Fictional heroes that never die are written about all the time and always have been. Those mighty men of old who did pass on always seemed to do it on their own terms, with courage and honor.

Literature does what it is intended to do; it distracts, entertains and allows us the occasional dream.

And if it is true that cheating Death is a staple of yarns old and new, I must point out that the opposite is also true. Death cannot, in the end, be avoided after all. We have long loved the sad tale too, the last words spoken, the final kiss, the closing of the eyes forever. To deny this is to deny our humanity. We love the comedic and the noble tale, but a good tragedy, yes, we open our arms and beg for them.

I can’t remember the grade I was in. Fourth or Fifth. An announcement over the PA system before the school secretary announced bus numbers assigned everyone at Bodkin Elementary to watch a made for TV film that night. We weren’t to be given marks on it, but the principal wanted us to watch it.

I didn’t know what I was in for. Brian’s Song was about the last two seasons of NFL football played by Brian Piccolo of the Chicago Bears. It was about his unlikely friendship with Gale Sayers, his roommate, who was African American. It was about their closeness and Piccolo’s diagnosis of cancer, the useless treatment that followed, and his death.

Although the main actors, James Caan and Billy Dee Williams, looked nothing like Piccolo and Sayers, the screenplay was well written and the entire cast knew what they were doing. The music and the acting combined to form a tear-jerker I’ve never been able to forget. I’d seen screen deaths before, but I cried my eyes dry that night. The saddest part was that I didn’t cry at all when real death struck a couple of years later. My paternal grandfather passed in 1976 from cancer. I wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral but even if I had, I may not have cried very much. Oh, I loved him. It just felt remote and he’d lived two states away. I’ll bet I could count the number of times we had visits on my fingers.

Over the years, Death crept closer. My grandmother was a harsh loss. I had adored her. Then I got married and had two children. Neither one lived to celebrate their 30th birthday. Death comes as it will, for whom it will. Angels and doctors cannot stop that.

COVID has given so many of us that harsh lesson. Death still stalks the world armed with it; vaccines and masks help, but the weapon remains deadly. How many have had to say their final farewell to an intubated loved one by a video connection? The meanest deaths accompanied by a cruel lingering vision the survivors are inflicted with.

Recently I’ve been as many people have been, out of the loop, unaware that certain parts of life had resumed, missing things that I’m either happy to have missed or very disappointed that I did.

I used to be a dedicated fan of the crime procedural NCIS, but when COVID hit, everything shut down. I wasn’t aware of the show going back into production.

I was aware of the story arc in which Tobias Fornell’s daughter had gotten into street drugs. This season, Emily died of an overdose. NCIS has never shied away from death. The team investigates death almost every week. Cast members have had their characters killed off since the end of season two. Sasha Alexander was first. Kate’s death is still complained about to this day. Mike Franks was killed by the Port-to-Port killer at the end of season eight. His ghost showed up a lot and even grew a beard, but that’s okay; the show had already jumped the Shark so many times that few people even noticed. Recurring characters get the worst of it, though. Director Jenny Shepherd was killed offscreen, opening the door for Leon Vance. But the recurring cast, sometimes their exits hurt us the most. The death of Fornell’s daughter Emily was occasioned by serious viewer outrage. They cried foul and called it unnecessary. Mainly because we had sort of watched Emily grow up and partly because earlier this season, ME Jimmy Palmer lost his wife Breena to COVID. Everyone loved Breena, beautiful, sentimental and strong, and during the continuing epidemic, we question why she had to go that way.

I’m glad I missed those episodes, but I know I eventually will have to see them. When Emily is found dead, Gibbs finds out by getting a phone call.

That is exactly how I learned of my son’s overdose and death: a bloody phone call.

That day, February 14, 2018, and the day my daughter was removed from life support, July 5, 2012 are the absolute worst days of my miserable life. Death had come for them and left behind something I don’t like when I look into a mirror. Not that I ever really liked myself much anyway. But since 2018, the mirror shows me the worst of humanity: a failure at everything, the worst of all being a parent. I was supposed to go way before them. They should be here. They should be here!

What’s left? What are we supposed to do now that those whom you and I loved so much are gone?

I’m glad that tragedy is dealt with in our culture, whether in literature, film, television or documentary. Without the tears we shed for others and ourselves, we would never be able to see, to learn, to grow stronger, to pass on what we know. As a species, we cope with loss the same way even if different religions and cultures have their boundaries and rules. We cry, we ache inside, we scream to the heavens that it isn’t fair, it isn’t right, and we demand to know what is the point of it all if Death steals away with our own children.

Death is a cruel transient, stalking, ever stalking. Seeking the weak and strong alike, and it makes no difference how good or bad a person is, or how old they are.

As I’ve been mentioning, I’m doing an epic playthrough of an epic game on the PS4: Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. It could be the greatest game ever made. I’m over 400 hours into it, which would make hardcore gamers laugh at me. Nobody takes that long to finish a game, right?

But the story is indeed epic and there are two DLCs to add to it. They’re worth it. I didn’t buy the game because I wanted it to be over in a few days. I knew it was deep and that I’d want to wring everything out of it that I could.

It deals at times with untimely death, which the ancient world knew better than we do. A child is killed early in the game, and it did get to me. There are definitely triggers in Odyssey, but right now my character is stuck in the Underworld, in Hades. It’s a horrible place, rendered so well that suggestion makes you catch yourself having trouble breathing, as if hot ashes were really getting into your lungs.

The worst thing is that you constantly hear babies crying. Not in hunger or pain; every parent learns that there’s a difference. And those can be soothed and the crying made to cease. These cries are of terror and torment. I could tell when my kids were babies if they cried out of fear. They might have had a bad dream. They may have been scared by sensing that they were alone. But you learn the sound, and hours of cuddling later, they’re fine. These cries get to me. They distract, they trigger memories, they fill me with hopeless pity. Who the hell recorded this?

I don’t believe babies get sent to Hades, or Hell. Never could I believe anything so cruel and unjust as that.

Death makes us all think about an afterlife whether we want to admit it or not. In the end it just leaves us with broken hearts. Pain enough to last until our time comes.

We can console and we can pity the survivors, and we always should.

Those I pity the most, however, are all those who refuse to or are incapable of love. They cannot feel the sting of a broken heart. The pangs of first love. The horror of their baby crying in the night but refusing the teat or bottle. To know something is wrong but to be helpless before that something.

It isn’t our intelligence that makes us human. Grief, fear, the emptiness of loss…those are proof that we have loved freely. That is what truly defines us.