Omicron A Great Concern, According To The WHO

Whereas most of the covid variants have 5 to 10 variants between mutations, the newest one of real concern has 25 to 32 differences in its protein spikes, which are what allows the virus to enter and stay in place in the host body.

That’s a big problem. The question is whether the vaccines will still work.

Short answer: we don’t know, but current vaccines, social distancing, using masks and frequent hand washing are believed to prevent the serious symptoms should you be exposed.

The longer answer is that if this isn’t the case then there can be different vaccines prepared rather quickly for testing, but we can’t know how long that will take. It’s a process, but one that’s been prepared for and anticipated. Currently the virus has an unknown number of strains or mutations. Using Greek letters (Beta, Delta, etc.), the ones most virulent are designated, but there are more than letters can define, and most are not likely to make anyone sick except for unvaccinated and high risk people with pre-existing medical conditions.

The changes in RNA don’t always mean trouble; the virus replicates itself once inside a host, and sometimes the process is flawed and the copies can’t do what the original did.

Other times, these copies are more efficient, and that’s the case with Omicron. When designated “of concern), it means health experts just don’t like what they see because the potential is unknown as far as the strain’s abilities. Will it spread more easily, will it make people more sick?

All viruses mutate. That’s why every year we need a flu shot. Last year’s flu shot may not work well against the current strain (we use Australia as an indicator of what we should expect because as they’re coming out of flu season, we’re heading into it).

***

European countries are already engaging travel bans. Most countries affected by these bans are in southern Africa (South Africa, Namibia, Lesotho, Botswana, Zimbabwe). I hate it right along with everyone else, but it is a necessary evil. And I hate to say it, but major protests for shutdowns are taking place, making sure that the illness spreads. Football matches, events where large crowds gather, living conditions where a lot of people are forced into small places, failure to use masks, failure to receive vaccines, poor decisions– all contribute to the continued spread and therefore further mutations of the SARS-CoV-2 virus which causes COVID-19.

You remember that it was called a “novel” coronavirus? That’s because it’s new to humans. It existed for probably ages in animals, and one of its mutations made it possible to make the transition to human hosts. It’s happened since long in the past, and always will be a threat with any virus seen previously only in animals.

This is what viruses do. That’s why I hate all conspiracy theories about the current coronavirus being engineered in any lab, whichever one people are using, from North Carolina to Wuhan Province, China.

Do What’s Right

I’m not suggesting that you should be panicked or even very worried. I’m not an influencer or expert. But it’s time for people to decide: you want travel bans or not? Want to see the latest covid numbers on Morning Joe for the next decade? It doesn’t have to be like that.

Ask your higher power, what’s right? If you have no higher power, then ask yourself, but be careful: consider the question valid and important. Be honest.

Carrying hand sanitizer and double-masking are both things that everyone should be doing. When at home, wash hands with soap and hot water often. For dry skin you can always use a moisturizer. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Unless it gets much worse, no shutdowns should happen, so for now if we do these things, we can avoid that kind of situation. But going out to protest mask requirements and not wearing a mask is the height of recklessness. It’s really very stupid.

I still believe some restrictions were lifted too soon, but that’s a moot point. Just think of the health of others, if nothing else. Staying in is fine, so long as your ventilation is good. Going to work is great but be vaccinated and wear a mask.

We’ve all had enough of this. I get it. But it won’t go away just because we’re tired of it.

Update: as of late December, Delta remains the worst strain in the US, but Omicron is spreading rapidly due to a high transmission rate facilitated by its protein spikes. Even those who have received booster shots catch it, usually with very mild symptoms, like a head cold. The symptoms include sinus distress, headache and sore throat but pass quickly. However some develop a fever, but other symptoms seem to be rare. The effect on unvaccinated people is not clearly known but it seems that the dangers are quite serious. People are missing work, causing massive issues in airline services and shutdowns elsewhere. It’s no joke.

A word of advice?

Stop attacking Dr. Fauci and wear a mask, get the shots and stay out of the hospital.

Why Do People Insist On Being Flagrantly Stupid?

Stupid woman.

Okay, that was interesting. She clearly planned her “presentation” well enough, complete with Elmer’s or perhaps a more “aromatic” glue fixing her pictures to a sign. And she wrote and read from her own, really demented and hysterical speech. Holy shit. But look. If you want to prove that you’re a “patriot” by singing a song, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that you get the fucking lyrics right.

Some people can’t be troubled, though. It’s just not enough to prove yourself an idiot and mark yourself as a candidate for psychiatric observation; no, you just have to sing, too. And fuck it up.

I’m not calling into question a person’s right to speech. If I did that, I wouldn’t be able to write. But she’s a mess, a train wreck, like everyone else who reveals themselves Trump supporters. I know I laughed at the clip, and it’s unusual for me to do that when someone so obliviously embarrasses themselves. I usually feel bad for them. But this is funny until after it’s over.

That’s when I stopped laughing and eventually felt overwhelming dread that she’s not alone.

That’s truly sobering. Trump has apparently sold out the venue for his rally on Saturday and people are already camping out waiting for it. Right in the middle of a county with coronavirus cases rising fast. It was supposed to be on Juneteenth but he changed it and I can’t tell you why. Then he claimed to have made Juneteenth famous, that nobody had ever heard of it. And then we had to hear that he “polled” African American White House staff and they had never heard of it either. At least that’s what he claims. It’s horseshit but his cult followers won’t care either way. Right now he’s losing voters to Biden. He’s pissed, too. He’s pissed about lots of things. He’s asked, “Do you think the Supreme Court hates me?” Hes called them out and he’s rejected having masks be compulsory in the enclosed venue (to buy a ticket you had to sign a waiver). He’s ranted that people are wearing masks because they hate him (if that’s true, then why the need for a waiver?). And as far as COVID-19 is concerned, he’s lied so many times I can’t keep up with it all, but one of his latest was something about him inventing the “greatest machine (ventilator?)” ever. Ever. He’s totally fucking out there.

And this event is being described as a “superspreader” event. In other words, if the average COVID-19 patient infects two other people, this event will just plain kill a shitload of people and nobody seems to give a damn except for those who stand susceptible to these morons who will return home and kill them.

And since incubation can be indeterminate, between 5 to 14 days, and some will be asymptomatic, those victims will continue to spread it if they live.

Have you noticed that people are paying less attention to the numbers? Did you know that a month ago, several politicians from red states actually said they were going to stop the daily updates even if they really can’t? Based on my observations so far, it’s possible. Politicians, public behavior and myths have cooked a perfect soup. COVID-19 isn’t going away right now. It isn’t going to go away anytime soon. There’s no need to fear a “second wave” this autumn: the first one won’t even be over by then. Forget a vaccine. It’s too soon, and we may never get one anyway. That’s what we need to prepare for. You can’t count on Trump or any of his brainwashed cadre to tell the truth. The truth is, Trump fucked us with every step he took or failed to take during this pandemic; now we’re looking at the deadliest year in our history and that’s without a war. It’s going to claim more lives, and it will not stop.

The latest studies have proven that masks do help to stop coronavirus from spreading when used with physical distancing and obsessive hand washing. Yeah, it was working in areas where it was mandated and not voluntary. At first, yes, we were told masks weren’t effective. An article still pops up once a week with false or outdated information which has it that masks in public are useless, but its it’s dangerous not to wear them.

In this way it becomes harder to laugh at the woman in the video. It becomes easier to hate her. She will kill someone. If not by catching and transmitting the virus, then merely by example because people listen to morons like Trump and his death cult.

As we get to July fourth, it shakes me to the core to picture what we’re going to see. In my life, there’s never been a worse man in the White House. No one, not even Richard Nixon, came close to this man. And never mind the upcoming books by his niece and John Bolton. The former is reportedly flouting a signed non-disclosure agreement to publish hers. Now what kind of family would have something like that between cousins, uncles and nieces? What the fuck happened, anyway? Because it had to have been particularly horrible.

And I’ve saved John Bolton for last. People are applauding this piece of shit. Why? He’s a pussy! He could have testified any time during critical hearings and investigations. If he’s such a patriot, he would have. A true patriot couldn’t have been stopped.

He didn’t. He hid behind Trump and only now, when it looks like Trump may lose, only now, when a prestigious publisher stands ready to cut checks, does he claim to be brave with a tell-all book. John Bolton is a traitorous, cowardly and greedy man. He’s everything that’s wrong with this country. Because a weasel and a traitor, an unpatriotic piece of shit like him can’t have one or two weaknesses; he’s probably a bigot and a womanizer too. Don’t buy his book. The details will be discussed ad nauseum on cable anyway.

We’re in big trouble, America. Big trouble. Watch the video again if you doubt me.

Sometimes You Drink From The Wrong Cup

CAUTION: This post is for adults. It has graphic and possible triggering subject matter, crude language and sexual material.

It went on and on, the nightmare. It began badly enough, but that didn’t last for long. I was in a dream place, you know, the place in a dream that’s half real and half filled-in? Like that. I was walking out of the woods, to the old Montgomery Ward store at the old Glen Burnie Mall. Why? Hell if I know. It didn’t look right. It was alone with no mall. It had gigantic store front windows. I looked, and in both I could see dozens of nude women, painted and posing, still-life art. Erotic but not erotic. Just nude art. What the fuck is wrong with me? What, I can’t have a wet dream, I gotta be so dysfunctional that women are reduced to alabaster mannequins? Holy shit.

How long I looked, I don’t know. Not long but long enough to see that they were real, not statues. Some smiled. Well, I walked on past, shaken, never wanting to see it again. Would I have to return this way to go home? Never thought about it. The parking lot was empty. Bold as brass, along toward me walked two girls, probably about 20 years old, one dark haired and tattooed, one blonde. Both clean shaven and the blonde’s genitals high and visible. I stared, they grinned and giggled, and I turned to look when they passed. It was something new. Nudity was allowed anywhere and I just hadn’t seen a lot of it. But the times, I guess they had just changed.

Then it was night. Just dark. I entered a store, but it happened again, one doorway leading to many others, and once I picked one, I couldn’t go back. I was in a labyrinth again, this one mostly straight but still a maze all the same, and what’s worse was, I knew it. I mean I consciously knew I was dreaming, and I said, “Oh, no, not again.” Sadly, lucid dreaming isn’t a cure for nightmares. I woke up several times. I even propped my head up to watch TV, but sleep took me back like a prisoner and the dream continued. Stuck going from store to store, not buying anything because I found myself without any money, and in the next minute I had two canes, one traditional and the other metal and uncomfortable to the left hand. I needed them to walk. But did I? I didn’t remember that. As I walked along, a highway above me on top of a slope I wasn’t able to climb up to, I sometimes emerged outside, interacting with several people or groups whom I begged for help. Lots promised to help but then vanished, and others tormented me to some degree. A group of boys seemed concerned, then decided to mess with me until they realized who I was and backed away in dread, into the woods, behind a streetlight. How I had gotten up on the road I don’t know. I don’t know why the sudden realization of my identity was so terrifying to tough older teenage boys.

Some thing, some certain, specific thing happened. I don’t know what it was. An older black couple helped me get to the road, but there was nothing else they could do. Nearby I could see the giant screen of the old Governor Ritchie Drive-in theater. It was in the right place in relation to Montgomery Ward, more or less. It was too creepy. I don’t know of a Drive-in theater left in this country. I think they should be brought back, though.

Out of the maze of stores I seemed to have walked miles through, I wasn’t that far from my starting point. Yet I was helpless. Three women showed up. Not my age, a bit older, but not much. One seemed familiar and I can’t remember the other two. She was blonde, likely by coloring, had her hair in a style on top, had a gap in her front teeth, was very tall and strong-willed. She asked for my cell number but I had to struggle to remember it and I didn’t have it on me. I gave it to her, and for some reason it reached my ex and her husband. She said they were one their way, which meant that I could get out of the dream. None of this shit makes sense to me. Being trapped, and knowing I was dreaming it, and waking up several times only to have it keep going while I was awake and continue when I fell back to sleep is something I’ve never experienced. Like most people, I try to find some meaning. Why all this bizarre shit? It’s getting worse. And I don’t want to dream about nudity. I really don’t. And I hate the fucking trapped, maze-dreams I can’t escape from mostly ever, this time in a truly remarkable way.

It could be that I was filling out annual paperwork the other day. The program requires I have an emergency contact and next-of-kin. I don’t have any. Perhaps that’s part of it, dealing with that thought. Old people whose children are gone don’t have next-of-kin. Get over it.

Look. I don’t have answers. I have questions. I’m haunted. I’m trapped. I just got rapped in the nuts on prescription co-pays again. I take twelve pills in the morning and the rest of the day I’m useless. What I take later doesn’t even matter after a cocktail like that.

BITCH, BITCH, BITCH

I wish I could have more insight into my damaged brain’s workings. I don’t. And of course, some things I never want to know. Right now, I’m not by any means alone. People are experiencing sudden loss of memory, short-term, forgetting why they went somewhere, watching TV and not remembering what they’ve just seen. If it’s on demand, they have to rewind. Errands are missed, time deadlines, appointments, you name it. Things do not go well with us.

It’s not hard to see why. The COVID-19 cases are rising so sharply I’m terrified that the mass grave thing might become a thing again. I hate seeing others suffer, and so do most other people. But when we can do so little to stop it, that hurts. Yet during this time, we can help. We can wear masks, use physical distancing and stay home whenever possible. I went out today and I was very pleased with everyone but one person who seemed like she didn’t care and only wore a mask because it was required in the store. People here are serious about it. That’s good. But it ain’t like that everywhere. Pictures of people without masks, grouped too close together at restaurants, those get to me.

The BLM protests had to happen. George Floyd was murdered in cold blood. But people close together, unmasked, well, that’s a price we have to deal with. And we can bitch all we want, we can blame all we want, and we can listen to ass wipe Trump lie if we want, but he’ll still be an ass wipe, people will still die, and there won’t be any second wave of the coronavirus because we are not through the first wave yet. We ain’t even close. Trump had Pence lie yesterday. The Wall Street Journal praised Trump’s “leadership” in the crisis. You can find bullshit anywhere now; once-reliable sources are compromised, and I pray that trend doesn’t continue. Because you don’t want to be caught drinking from the wrong cup.

If you’re not on social media, forgive yourself immediately. It was toxic before Trump. It’s a deadly atmosphere now. It is bringing morale lower. The hatred is everywhere. Zuckerberg is not to be found. He took it over, now it’s a monster. He drank from the wrong cup before he was weaned.

It’s not fair. Or it’s scary. We have nightmares of being trapped, chased, and worse. Your dreams may not be as demented as mine, but I’ll wager they’re pretty awful.

When we drink from the wrong cup, nothing good can happen. I did that once.

THE WRONG CUP

It was the dry summer of 1994. During a heatwave the devil in hell himself would have bitched about. I don’t know much about it. I had no idea it was coming, and I had driven to Glen Burnie to the mall. I stopped on the way to get a Big Gulp from 7-eleven. I always had one with me. I got to the mall, parked at the section for Montgomery Ward. I was headed to Radio Shack. All of the sudden, the sky turns olive green, thunder cracks the sky, and I had never, until then, seen rain like that except from the remnants of Hurricane Agnes. I opened my door to see if it could really be that bad, and barely got part of my head out and it was soaked. In an instant, as if a five-gallon bucket of water had been poured over me. I shut the door, but immediately faced a problem: between the Big Gulp and the rain, I had to piss. It was okay. I had an empty Big Gulp cup on the passenger side floor. I pulled down my jeans, arched my back and filled the cup. I had plenty more left, so I quickly emptied the cup outside, then finished pissing. I wasn’t about to open the door again, so I sat the piss cup on the console and smoked a Winston. The radio had a tornado warning out for the area. I could believe it.

Long minutes passed. It didn’t let up. I was guessing five inches fell in short order. It was like that. Downhill, the parking lot sloped toward Montgomery Ward’s entrance. Water was almost up to the doors. I saw someone cross the water. Knee deep. I sat and waited. Thirsty, I picked up the Big Gulp and took a drink. I was dry after the smoke. I immediately opened the door to spit and throw up. It was piss! I’d forgotten all about it. I tossed the cup on the pavement, rinsed with soda, and ever after threw my cups away before getting another soda. Fuck that.

We’re all having nightmares. Even if we don’t remember them, we do have them. We have never been in such a position as we are in now, and it’s scary. We forget why we are in the store. What we went to the bedroom for. It takes three trips for us to get it right. We’re in a daze. Shell-shocked. And there’s more to come. Stay on your toes, and to the extent that you can manage, remain awake, and pray your souls are not taken over by darkness. Do good things for yourself and others, and whatever you do, don’t drink from the wrong cup.

And Bear, fuck you. Telling people to drink piss. What’s the matter with you, anyway?

Last Week

If you’re like me, you couldn’t keep up with it all. Or even process everything. What a week that was. I’ve never seen anything like it and nothing in my memory can compare to it. And yet, George Floyd was not unique in that horrible way he died. So people asked, “What’s so different now?”

I looked at the TV. I looked at videos and read articles. With a thrill of nausea and lots of dread, I saw the tear gas used on protesters, saw crowds running, saw the church burn on Sunday night, then, Monday, a debacle the likes of which I’ve never even imagined as Lafayette Square was gassed and crowds charged by cops with shields and riot sticks.

Which was followed by a bizarre speech by Trump with an open threat and a singularly bizarre walk by Trump and an unbelievably scary entourage to the burnt church. The fucker used a church and an upside-down bible as props for a photo op. No shit, and it’s still hard to believe.

Then, in a blinding speed, images and sounds like nothing that could be real, but was.

A 75-year-old man shoved. Lost his balance because he was shoved. Immediately bleeding from an ear and the posterior skull. Listed as serious but stable condition. But how serious? That’s a severe concussion and probable skull fracture you’re seeing. He could have died.

Surrealism: a reporter and his crew fired at as they try to retreat. Cannisters and rubber bullets. Two Sikorsky UH-60 Blackhawks buzzing protesters, a maneuver someone called “dusting”, which is basically terrorism. The twin engines and the monster blades of the Blackhawks are weapons at low altitude. If you’re beneath them, you’re getting hit by particles of dust, small debris and anything they feel like dropping. You better tuck into a ball and cover your face. No shit. Whoever justifies this shit is stupid.

But there was no shortage of that. It didn’t begin or end with Trump’s bible modeling. He was asked if it was his bible, and he really answered, “It’s a bible.” Translation: “I don’t own a bible.”

While Reverend Al Sharpton gave a powerful and simply perfect eulogy for the family of George Floyd, others were beginning to fall away from supporting Trump. A number of former chairmen of the Joint Chiefs were vocal in their disapproval of his threat to use regular military personnel to police the streets of any state he chose, and Joe Biden failed to tell officers not to shoot at suspects. Instead he suggested that they aim for legs instead of center of mass. Joe wants to win, but waffling is not a good strategy. There’s no middle ground in a firefight and nobody aims for legs, but then again, that’s if someone else has a gun and can, or is shooting back. You aim center of mass unless you’re the highest tier in an elite sniper class. Then you can try for headshots, but even that’s mostly Hollywood and videogame bullshit. If you’re forced to shoot, you’re forced to kill. Fuck around, and you’ll be the casualty.

Besides, you know how easy it is to hit a major artery in the leg? If a shot goes astray and you score a leg shot, your high velocity round will be very likely to cut or sever the femoral artery. That’s still a kill.

Why all the stupidity? Andrew Cuomo and Mayor Diblasio are not handling things. The tear gas. The pepper balls. Vehicles running into a crowd.

The result: officers shot by anarchists or just plain dickheads using brute force against civilians as an excuse, which makes everything worse.

The police have been less than honorable in every city where protests took place save one, Newark. What are they doing different?

Hitting kids over the head with riot sticks has nothing to do with law and order. It has everything to do with wanting to crack his fucking skull open.

In my life, I’ve seen and been the victim of things nobody should ever see or endure. But though I’ve been bitter about it, there wasn’t enough evil in me to act on it. Oh, when I thought about shooting my parents, I was well and truly capable. I would have been convicted of first degree murder, too. But I’d have saved my nephew from things I knew he was already having done to him. Cops kneeling on a man because he had a rap sheet until the guy dies isn’t done to save anyone.

It’s done out of racist hatred and a disregard for civil rights and the sanctity of life that chills my blood. Watching George Floyd die is to watch a part of your own soul break off and die. Seeing that cop with a hand in his pocket, squeezing the life out of Floyd and smirking is to watch a cold-blooded, first degree homicide. That’s exactly what it was, straight murder. Other officers watched. And it doesn’t matter that one said something. It doesn’t matter because they all stood around and watched a bully cop with a bad record commit murder. Now they’ve been photographed in orange, and they should get used to that color. Other cops are pissed. They’re striking out at people because a “brother officer” is “guilty of doing his job”.

Meanwhile, honorable police officers are lumped together as assholes and murderers. That’s not cool, but what’s less so is when someone says, “If you get a bad hamburger it doesn’t mean McDonald’s is bad.” Speaking about police officers to a crowd. That’s not the way to handle this. It’s degrading, simplistic and grossly condescending.

Trump, on the other hand, notorious for not wearing a mask, toured a plant where swabs for covid-19 tests were made. In there, he alone wasn’t wearing a mask. The entire batch made that day are confirmed as contaminated and we already did not have enough.

Then he claimed based on flawed numbers that the economy was doing great, and that George Floyd was looking down on him and smiling. African American jobs were up, he said. Which confirmed, if anyone had any doubts remaining, that Donald Trump is a racist idiot who is so self-serving and egotistical that he would actually talk like that while the nation was caught up in protesting the man’s murder, his family was grieving, and he was standing there mocking them and perfectly happy to risk more unemployment when the coronavirus spreads.

Covid-19 is not over, is not slowing, and will continue to spread. There won’t be any second surge in the fall; we’re already into June and there’s no reason to believe next month will automatically be free of COVID-19. That’s unreasonable, unrealistic and too close to Trump’s lies and delusion than anyone should be.

Fortunately I have just the man to properly explain all of this. If a comedian can’t be funny right now, it’s not because he’s not willing to try. It’s because laughing at this shit is unthinkable. He gets in a couple of jibes, but this is the most serious episode he’s ever done.

Colin Powell and others are now openly calling Trump a liar. Why the fuck did it take three and a half years?

Cundrums: Good For PPE?

Warning: Mature Content

Can’t get gloves? Cundrums–I mean condoms, no lubricant, work well on fingers and can be held secure with clear packing tape around your palms. You may need help for that part.

Besides. What comments you’re going to hear from cashiers as you leave the store! People will even take your picture and shit.

I got interrupted one night when I was a teenager. Cop pulls up of course, with the spotlight right on us. “Park’s closed,” he says. He got a look at my date and decided to leave without watching us get our shit together and leave. I was so upset I stuffed myself back in, condom and all, zipped up, lit a Camel and drove the half hour to her house, dropped her off and drove the 25 minutes back to Pasadena. Where, once I got inside, I of course needed to piss. You see where this is going, right?

Yeah, it was stuck. Shriveled up and stuck like it was glued on with industrial epoxy.

And I gotta get it off. And I never hadda do this before. Oh, hair was stuck in there, too. That’s why I understand man-scaping now even though I won’t even think about it. There’s no sense trimming the weeds around a dead sapling, is there?

But I digress.

How was I gonna get this bloody thing off?

I know what you’re thinking. Just stick the damn thing under the faucet and run warm water from the top down, easy peasy.

I was only 18. How was I supposed to know! My father’s out in the den watching TV. I run the water, flush the toilet, and dig my thumbnail under the top and give it a yank. I had to choke in my scream. That shit hurt. I was free of the Trojan, but I was bleeding. And back then, we didn’t have Neosporin. Merthiolate tincture, rubbing alcohol. Peroxide. Bactine. Fuck it all, they each hurt so I tried to pick the lesser evil. I got that wrong, too. I screamed with my mouth closed and I swore I would never, ever put on another cundrum. I mean condom. Never again.

So maybe my ideas aren’t so great after all. I always try to help. Only to end up remembering I’m still an asshole.

Never Before

I’ve seen a bunch of bad shit in my time. Been through my share, too.

Now, I can’t claim academic creds or knowledge. I got my GED nine years after dropping out of high school on my father’s order. Didn’t even crack a book and passed on my first try. I used to be proud of it. I’d proved my father wrong. I called him right away from Fort Bliss. My wife at the time never forgave me for not calling her first. She never understood why I needed to shove it in his face. In 1978, after my junior year, I had six goddamn credits. I’d have been in school another two years and probably still not have enough to graduate.

That year at Wroxeter-on-Severn school in Arnold, MD, I had dated a girl named Julie. All we ever did on our dates was park and have sex. In the Spring I got a blowjob from her down by the Severn River in the woods. Someone saw us. Well, someone followed us and I never did find out who. But in short order, it became known that the prep school wasn’t “inviting” me back, and that’s when my father informed me that I was so stupid that I may as well drop out and go to work for him full-time.

I’m getting off the track here. Julie broke up with me in early July by way of a postcard from Ocean City, New Jersey. I was plunged into a period of depression and self-loathing that no matter how much she and her parents hated me, it was nothing to how much I hated myself. I would never have, from that time on, a normal relationship. At least I learned from it. I’ve not been in an intimate relationship since before the Twin Towers fell. I’ll die alone.

At least, I tell myself, I did finally learn. And taking the GED almost a decade later, earning it without opening a book, was vindicating. I began to realize that I was no dummy after all. I had passion for learning and I studied several things. The first was history. My teachers had made me bored to hell with their stupid lessons, one asswipe doing nothing more than to read straight from the textbook for a whole period except for examination days. I also knew he was fucking two students who were sophomores but what the fuck did I care, I mean, I thought they were sluts and he was a rapist but I couldn’t prove anything. So fuck em, I thought. He lasted two semesters. I rather suspected that staff had deduced his promiscuous proclivities. Fuck him.

I was bitter. I grew more bitter over time. I dove into a study of the paranormal and ancient mysteries. I’m still studying. It’s a subject you never finish. My experiences with evil and the paranormal made me thirst for understanding.

I also studied The Passion. I believed in God, but I had to know if that belief was good or bad. In the Bible, so many horrors were written that I really didn’t like it very much. Well, that’s not completely true. Some selective reading from the New Testament was okay. I concluded, as have many before me, that some of the book is the inspired-by-God truth. But written by men. And men are imperfect, frail, weak, always tempted toward evil and crime for personal gain; political and religious agendas could well have influenced scribes.

Inconsistencies between the lyrical prose of many parts of the King James version changes many meanings, leading fundamentalists to take nonsense far too seriously. And when I read any version, The Passion made no sense to me. I understood the meaning of the resurrection, but I was missing something. I had to dig for decades before I found it.

I wasn’t stupid after all. But following the revelation that I wasn’t going to finish school, one of my father’s employees, a diesel mechanic, told me that my father had told all of his drivers and mechanics about the blowjob in the woods. God I was embarrassed. My old man was the most evil, hurtful son of a bitch in my life. And for much of my life, through beatings and lectures, I was too much like him. A racist, a workaholic. But racism had been reinforced by experience.

I lived through the Baltimore riots of 1968. It was terrifying. Why my mother had to go into the city, I can’t recall, but she did, and I was with her. Black youths threw a bunch of crates into the street, hoping to hang her up and stop the car. Had she stopped, I can only wonder what would have happened.

That was the beginning of my race-based fear. That story changed my father, too. He got his handgun out, broke it down, cleaned and oiled it. He made a declaration I can’t repeat even in writing.

In junior high a few years later, at a school so overcrowded because of bussing that there were split shifts, a morning and an afternoon split of students, we heard rumors of a race riot. Fortunately the police were there as the morning shift left as the afternoon shift was incoming, and nothing happened. But I was terrified. I was also bullied by one classmate who was black, but he eventually found me funny, and let up. And I determined never to be like my father.

And come to think of it, I remember “White” and “Colored” restrooms. I saw the signs but couldn’t read yet. Somehow on a trip with my father, being very young, I opened the door by myself and went to pee. I was in the wrong restroom. Some men scared me, but an older man in suit and fedora waited for me to finish and stood guard. He yelled at the others and they stopped their teasing. The old man took my hand and led me out and asked me where my daddy was. My father saw me and grabbed me and later, of course, there was a belt whipping because I’d scared him. I can no longer see the old black man’s face, but these many years later, I still hear his gentle but stern voice: “Now you go to your daddy, boy, and don’t you do this again.”

We look at science and medical advancements and think we’re really smart. Instead we are looking at our own foolishness and everything it has wrought.

Miles of garbage floating in the Pacific. Hazardous chemicals in our food. Species going extinct, crops failing, bees vanishing. In 50 years our map will be different because of climate change. Many will die along the way from heat injuries, inaccessible drinking water and food shortages. Homeless children already haunt our cities and no one cares. What we’ve become is something I never imagined I’d see.

CORONAVIRUS

We’re less than a week away from March Madness. The NCAA has said that it may not admit spectators. Or it may, but in limited numbers to give people space. Meanwhile, all the New York-based late night shows have begun to tape without live audiences. The Coronavirus has shown itself to be a major threat if we treat it as Italy and China have done. And we have a nutball president telling people that they can still go to work if they test positive. Only that’s just bullshit and still merely half the problem since even getting tested is unlikely at present.

I’m not going to downplay this. It’s bad and it is spreading. I see people taking precautions, but I see more people not doing so. They don’t give others space in checkout lines. They don’t clean hands when they should. The virus had been previously though not to survive for long periods on surfaces, but now we know different.

Then I see the ones that act hysterical, wearing masks, their eyes wide with fear if you come anywhere near, and it’s chaos. Trump and Pence are not only proving our government incapable of rising to meet a crisis. They’re also proving that they, the two of them, are so inept that I can’t be the only one wondering if they can even wipe their own asses.

Look. I’ve been through a bit of shit. Seen a lot, too. But I’ve never seen anything like this. March Madness without any spectators? The Late Show with no audience?

Never been here before. We have to do better, but we have to demand better. How can an individual self quarantine if they haven’t been tested? The flu season isn’t even over yet. Trees and grasses are beginning to react to warmer weather. Allergies aren’t far off. Symptoms of other things can and will lead to more hysteria, which I’ve seen break out many times. Not like this is causing, though.

Nope. Never before.