As classical composers go, all can be said to have put real emotions into their work, but I think, of most, whether Romantic, Baroque or any style or time you favor, Tchaikovsky was the one who put his terror, his bitterness and his shame to music better than anyone else. The one exception is arguably Barber, but only for Adagio for Strings, truly the most heart-rending nine minutes in classical music.

It was a failed marriage that caused him such grief. That, and the homosexuality that the marriage presumably hid. And he clearly suffered from clinical depression and unspecified other disorders. Nobody knows why he was terrified that his head would fall off while he was conducting or if that’s just something he wrote in correspondence. I read his biography 30 years ago and while I can’t remember much of it, I remember that his sexuality shamed him. That was something that even back in my younger years was the societal decree for all whose sexual behavior didn’t conform to what was “normal.” The decree: live in secret in shame and a hell on Earth.

And so his darkness–and his moments of joy–appear in his every composition.

It is from both light and dark that true artists create; there cannot be one without the other. How shall I judge him? As a sexual deviate whose music should have been burned long ago?

I don’t judge him. He’s gone; only the Lamb can judge him now. His music remains, though, and I have always loved it, always felt free to love Classical music and its composers without biased and hateful judgement.

Now, every year at this time, Tchaikovsky shows up in the Christmas classic “Nutcracker Suite,” or just simply “Nutcracker.” And we all know some of the tunes, don’t we?

Ah, beautiful music. The March. The Sugarplum Fairies.

But have you watched it? The ballet I mean.

Here’s the one I hope you’ll watch. Indulge me just this once.

I score the conductor a perfect 10. Likewise the orchestra.

Now the dancers, they’re something really special. I only caught a few flubs where timing was off, but the recovery was always flawless. I score them a perfect 10, and tell you that around the one hour mark, they nailed “the Dances;” you won’t see better.

For the lighting, a 9.5. uneven in two places, but not hard to forgive.

Costumes, a perfect 10.

Makeup: 9.5 but only for making a supporting ballerina stand out too much and breaking the balance of “The Battle” number.

If nothing else, at least play the music, especially with headphones, and lie back, eyes closed, and see how moved you are.