Someone in a YouTube comment used “incel” to describe me and reason out my response to a terrible comment on some video I can’t even remember. I didn’t know what it meant so I googled it.
I’m not one of those guys by any stretch of the effort or imagination of what was probably the real thing or a Karen.
That was bad enough, but it wasn’t quite on. Today I found the real definition.
I’m also not a “Ken” or a “Chad”.
“Incel” refers to any male who can’t have sex, for whatever reason, is bitter about it, and basically tries to censor nude art or who does the opposite (the opposite would be, in my experience, a very dangerous man–he’d be a predator in the making).
Holy crap was that a long sentence. Still, not as long as the years Trump deserves to serve at some country club prison. Cause you know no ex-president is going to no supermax. Nor should he; it would be a disaster, and no matter what he’s done, his acolytes can not be handed a martyr. Not if this country is to survive.
Trump himself may be an incel. Look at how he treats women. His diet alone justifies the guess that his veins and arteries are fit for an entire circulatory system replacement. I’d bet real money that he can’t have an erection. For him, screwing the American people is a substitute for sex: he’s a control freak, a liar and a cheater, traitorous and treacherous to the last cell in his body.
Aside from that, “incel,” or “involuntary celibate”, has its internet tentacles everywhere.
There’s another group, “volcels”, men who are “voluntarily celibate”. Why anyone would blame others for their own decision to abstain is a red flag question. These guys are fucked-up in the head, and one must question whether they truly abstain by choice. That would be repression and I believe it makes them a threat. Perhaps I exaggerate, or overstate the danger. But if one man harms a woman or child because of it, then my point would be valid.
It has happened. History is full of monsters who tried to suppress sexual drives and ended up as predators. And worse: they tend to be the torturing variety. If not, they’re likely to feel incomplete after a sexual assault and murder their victim.
Sure, I’m overthinking, but someone has to do it. You have to be able to spot these groups and individuals and by whatever means, overprotect yourself and your family. I say this because it’s a matter of life and death. Don’t take chances.
Someone with internet porn activity isn’t nearly the threat you are told. Their search histories mean little compared to who they are.
But men who identify as incel or volcel are a potential, and probably imminent, danger.
The reason is, most have feelings of sexual or other inadequacies, and I get that. All my life, I never measured up to anything anyone thought I should be. Add the guilt I felt from sexual abuse and you have a boy who grew up hating himself inside and out. Exposed to porn and voyeurism, taught exhibitionism and that my body wasn’t mine to keep private and protect, I was doomed to have PTSD and I didn’t even know about autism or dyslexia, and everything about me became dysfunctional. Especially romantic relationships.
I’ve written about that. I did so because I thought I could help others. And looking back, I hope that spouses and family members got some insight. As a writer, you never get to know these things. All you can do is open up the wounds and let others see them in all their grotesque horror.
In the spring of 2001, after leaving a trail of awful relationships behind me, I quit the game. Sex was secondary to everything else as I grew ever more sick.
The PTSD and everything else had taken their toll. I didn’t want to just have sex. It was good, don’t get me wrong here. But I wanted most just to be loved, and I wasn’t. I could never be valued by anyone in matters of the heart. At least I finally saw it. After being stalked and somehow always choosing women who were wrong for me almost as much as I was for them, I’d had enough. And shouldn’t that be enough for anyone?
Because I’ve known beautiful women I could have been treated better by. They either lived contentedly alone or they already had someone.
I always got along best with the single women who had given up on men. And while they generalized and stereotyped, I didn’t think they were unjustified in doing so.
But it goes that way for men, too. Sometimes you have to realize that the old saying “there’s someone for everyone” is a lofty lie with a filling of bullshit. No, there isn’t. And for the walking wounded like me, this is especially true.
I am not bitter about making a life choice that has been good for me. Why would I be? That makes no sense at all. I quit the sex game because I was not capable of that kind of relationship anymore. I was never one for one night stands which my generation is infamous for. I always wanted the whole deal or nothing.
After being divorced, I kind of figured that one of those should be enough for anyone. I’ve never understood how little regard people have for what I hold as something very special and sacred. People who have been married more than twice are a genuine puzzle to me. I just don’t get it.
So there’s another reason for my decision: I no longer wanted sex without marriage and I wasn’t going to be marrying anyone.
When you see incel groups, volcel groups or others, stay the hell away. And you can’t win a battle with a Becky, a Karen, a Chad or Ken. Ken is Karen’s male counterpart, pushy, loud, obnoxious and prejudiced, probably narcissistic. Chad is Becky’s male counterpart; unaware, privileged, prejudices flowing out of them. Chads and Beckys are wildly promiscuous and full of themselves and not bashful about texting selfies, clothed, in swimsuits or nude. They are uncaring that these selfies will wind up all over the world. They don’t give a shit.
Until one potential Karen saw her picture on a porn site and sued. And apparently won. Every mainstream website immediately scrapped almost every photograph in their archives. Videos were slower to be gutted, but with billion-dollar industries, you know it won’t last. When the heat’s gone, it’ll all bounce back. They just need to find and expoit loopholes or lobby for new laws. And they can do it. And they will.
Why take selfies then? Don’t care what happens to them? Oh, but you will. You will.
Don’t call me “incel”. I’m mot bitter about not having sex. I may admire the beauty of the female, but I also admire her.
And one last thing.
If the United States ever gets to survive, it will be because women of integrity lead us out of the darkness. Marjorie Taylor Green is a Karen and probably more. It will be women who kick her out of office who will get the job done. But do they have their own slang name too?
It turns out that yes, they do. And we have known so many.
They’re called heroes.
Memoirs of an American Asshole 