What the ASS is up with all these “unboxing” videos on YouTube?
Why the ASS would I want to watch someone unboxing some stupid shit I don’t want or can’t afford? They don’t DO anything with the MERCH but describe it? Come on, what the ASS is that?
It’ll escape and kill us all!
One question though. What would happen if I ordered a Marjorie Taylor Green doll and unboxed it on camera?
A: it would come to life and eat my liberal-progressive face off and escape and take Chucky’s place
B: I’d start getting hate mail from liberals and progressives and invitations to speak at every church in red states
C: I would be banned for life by Google for posting excessively grotesque videos on YouTube, whose censorship is dramatically increased, which is saying something,
D: I would start a national panic because people would flood hospitals because they dehydrated from excessively vomiting
E: I could run for office on the republican ticket and become governor of Florida
Answer: None of the above because I wouldn’t BUY a Marjorie Taylor Green doll! IT WAS A TRICK QUESTION so wake the ASS up and see this stupid country die unless you wield your powers and turn off stupidity on video feeds and stand for what’s RIGHT.
I really don’t know how to write this. When faced with stupidity, I often cut some slack because we all do and say stupid things. Nobody is perfect.
But then you have Senator Ted Cruz from Texas, a man so devoid of intelligence that he cannot even manage to win a war against muppets, a war he himself started.
It began when Cruz was on Twitter, seeking something to rant about. And he found it, but this was not his first fight with a muppet. He should have learned from it, but apparently something happened after that first round, and it made him seek revenge. Big Bird of Sesame Street had gotten his or her (I’m not sure, having never watched the show) COVID-19 vaccine. Cruz accused the government of unduly influencing parents to get their children vaccinated. And that’s because Sesame Street runs on PBS, a government funded entity.
I don’t know if Big Bird kicked him in his useless testicles or what, but Cruz began following the characters on Twitter.
A United States senator…
was stalking muppetson the internet.
Let that sink in.
Elmo recently asked his muppet-daddy about the COVID-19 vaccine. He got the shot. He announced it.
And the muppet-stalking, castrated-by-a-muppet-bird-kick senator pounced.
Against all science, he said, the toddler had taken a shot not meant for muppets that young.
In fact, the vaccines have been approved for all muppets 6 months of age and above. But Cruz doesn’t care about that because he doesn’t believe it. He’s also terrified that if muppets keep surviving COVID-19, it will make his former president, Donald Trump, look bad. Some people who claim inside knowledge say a lotta muppets died while Trump was president.
This devotion to Trump is incredible after Trump emasculated him repeatedly. Ted Cruz is far too stupid to even know when he’s been insulted. Of course he realized something was wrong because he sucked up to Trump like a lamprey on a swimmer.
And so, this time, Cruz wanted blood.
This time he did his research.
He should never have done that.
A satire site ran the headline that Elmo had died due to myocarditis. The chance of having that condition after a vaccine is far less than a one percent number. More like a 0.001. And dying of it is not an absolute outcome.
Cruz also read this and forgot that muppets don’t have hearts, so they don’t have myocardial anything.
He shared the story on Twitter and wrote, “I wish this were satire.”
It was satire. Could it be that the man who doesn’t feel anything for others, who fled the country while his constituents were freezing without power, somehow believed Elmo was dead and felt sad about it? “I wish this were satire.”
Senator Cruz is not the only man who can lose a war against muppets: they’re honest, good, wholesome, smart and cute; all the things that Senator Cruz isn’t. But Senator Cruz is the only man who could lose that war simply because he hates them so much that he reaches for the first thing he sees that will back him up without even checking out what it is.
Cruz is so dense that he actually thought a muppet was dead from a vaccine reaction.
Muppets, however, cannot die.
And if his wish that the news of Elmo’s death were satire was sincere, it indicates sadness. So he likes muppets.
Then why did he wage a Twitter war against them?
The worst part is not that he’s an apparent anti-vaxxer. Or even that he believes “The best site for fake news you can trust” is real. Or that muppets can have fatal reactions to COVID-19 vaccines. No.
The worst part is that a man this fucking stupid still gets to vote in the senate chamber.
He’s the Republican governor of Texas, and he’s a man with a plan when it comes to solving the problem of pregnancies brought about by rape and incestuous rape. Texas may be deceiving when you view it on a map.
If you live in a morecivilized country, like Albania or Venezuela, Syria or North Korea, then you see Texas as a bastion of lunacy and power mongering sex offenders. On a map it may look big, but not much of it has anything but sand and oil drills. Or mountains with nothing to offer even a novice climber; no stunning green vistas but plenty of half-assed snakes and the odd scorpion, both of which are so lazy they can’t be put upon to bite or sting.
I’m referring to Gov. Greg Abbott and Senator Ted Cruz, of course. I leave it to you to decide which is the snake and which is the scorpion. Doesn’t matter to me, but my money says they’re interchangeable.
The solution to unwanted pregnancy is, according to Abbott, to round up and incarcerate every rapist in the state of Texas.
I guess that means he intends to lock them up beforethey rape a woman; otherwise it’s not going to prevent pregnancy.
It means arresting someone before a crime is committed. Which, under the law, is defined as false arrest, and in psychology is defined as fucking idiocy; the clinical term being evasive to me because he’s really more nutty than squirrel shit.
It also has no effect on mothers who have legitimate reasons other than rape or incest who genuinely want an abortion. And under Texas law, a woman beyond six weeks of pregnancy may not get an abortion. Which is pretty stupid, considering the fact that in six weeks, a woman may have no clue that she’s pregnant and therefore have no reason to get a test kit. You skip one period, it’s not uncommon, and does not mean you’re automatically pregnant. In fact, you can have a period and still be pregnant. Six weeks? Fucking nuts. The law is a hate crime against women. It’s as simple as that.
The law effectively bans all abortions. And again, rape and incest are not considered legitimate exceptions. You are not going to abort the pregnancy in Texas.
The state, of course, is infamous as a Good Ole Boy state. That means men in pickup trucks wearing Dingo boots with spurs and blasting contemporary country music are by default sitting in front of a window rack with two shotguns, or one shotgun and one AR-15. And they can’t wait to get to the nearest bar, suck on a Pabst (brewed in Texas) and pick up girls who “always look prettier at closing time”. And if one of these hockey pucks gets lucky, he ain’t a gonna wear no condom. Know why?
You know. Yes, you do.
The mother has no power in a paternity suit. Courts don’t and never have sided with women, except for the odd case or two. That’s just not done in a Good Ole Boy state. Expecting justice for women in Texas is like expecting coal to be beautiful and clean: you ain’t gonna get it, and it doesn’t come out of the mines beautiful or clean. You might belive that coal can be cleaned, but whatever that means, it’s expensive and doesn’t make burning it any less harmful to the environment.
And hey, I get it: human beings really love sex. When I had a working weenie, it was all I thought about. Sometimes the fantasy included actual women. Sex is a strong human drive, and very difficult to suppress. And yes, fantasies mean that the brain might actually be the biggest organ involved in sex, unless of course you’re Johnny Holmes. Oh, wait; he’s dead.
Getting on with it, this mess, as I’ve said before, is not so much about morality as it is the money flowing into Washington from Christian crusaders as well as the absolute hatred men in this country have for women.
Understand, it was always there. It came from the earliest invaders of America and it only grew worse. It doesn’t matter though; it is a hatred (can we please call it that? Misogyny is just another political weasel word that sounds better than what it means) of women on a societal level and proves that they have never been, and never shall be, considered equals of men. Which is evil, a lie, and inspires a host of hate crimes.
Do men in Texas fall in love? Sure they do, but it don’t mean they don’t hate their women. They might not even know they hate them with their condescending words and everyday behavior. It’s like they say, “Good evening, ma’am, how are you? Think I could fuck you tonight? I’d like to creampie you and prove my superiority by forcing you to bear my child, which I ain’t gonna be around to see and by the way don’t even think of getting child support.”
In a more civilized country like Sudan, Yemen or North Korea, you never had to deal with a piece of shit like Greg Abbott. My advice is to stay where you are and never come here. Disneyland ain’t worth it.
The Supreme Court has made me ashamed to be an American. Those walking, talking commodes are hateful and as un American as anyone I’ve ever heard of in over half a century. They make me want to puke.
And Greg Abbott should be in a padded room with nothing but coloring books and crayons. The small box. The big one is way too complicated for him to use responsibly.
Memoirs of an American Christian 