Can’t Miss Movies- Bad Santa 2: Even More Raunchy Than The Original!

If Billy Bob Thornton ever made a movie where he pulled off the impossible, it was 2003’s Bad Santa. He’s not my favorite actor, but as a department store Santa with a drinking problem, a foul mouth and a serial quickie artist, he found a niche. This was because he somehow found a way to combine a single character into more than just a filthy-mouthed thief and alcoholic into one whose heart could be soft, and a bit protective of a child who came to his defense.

Years later, when we felt confident that it was a once-in-a-lifetime film and that we were safe at last, they made a sequel.

It was expected that, like most sequels, it was going to be a real stinker.

John Ritter and Bernie Mac were long gone.The love interest in the first film for both lead characters were on to other things.

Willy is about to commit suicide by turning on the oven and stove top burners until he figures out that it’s an electric range. He tries to hang himself, but his old friend Thurman intervenes. He bears a message and lots of cash; Marcus is out of the joint after ten years and wants a meeting to tell Willie about a new mark: a charity guaranteed to gross two million dollars.

Thornton is at his most abominable, which of course is the way we like him best, and Tony Cox can still belt out more one-liners with one or more uses of the word “fuck,” and pull it off.

There’s only one little snag. Oh, and for Willie, it is a big problem: his long-lost mother (Kathy Bates) is involved, and Willie hates her. He even swings on her on sight.

As well as this film is executed, and as much as the trio of Bad Santa characters pulled off staying true to their characters, it is Kathy Bates who blatantly steals the show. Her filthy mind and raunchy language, her unrefined mannerisms, and overall hilarious creepiness are a scream.

Of course, it still has to follow the formula of the first movie, so you’ll see the end coming… sort of. But it’s still satisfying and a riot from beginning to the end.

Retro rating: four out of five. Worth it.

I Know What I Saw, But It Never Existed

The Mandela Effect. You’ve heard of it, right? If not, it works like this:

Nelson Mandela survived prison in South Africa. But there are some who would swear that he died in prison.

Some recall an American peanut butter by the brand name of “Jiffy”, but in truth, there was no such thing. It was always “Jif”. I even got the corrected spelling wrong, initially using two “Fs”. I had to look it up to make sure.

One of the more famous examples is the spelling of the name in the children’s book series “The Berenstain Bears”. Some swear until red in the face that it is “Berenstein” Bears, and when I read the books to my children, I saw it and pronounced it “Bernstein”.

In fact, I’m dyslexic, and the longer the name, the better chance I have of seeing it wrong. However, reading was my most reliable way to escape real life growing up. Early on, it did not matter to me if it was from another country, translated into English. I wanted a deep, engrossing experience that would put the tears, torture and rape behind me. No bullies, no beatings, interrogations, no.

But I would also pick up nonfiction, and that’s where I ran into trouble, mostly with dates and names. Especially English elaborations of Greek mythology. Those names would silently slide past as I read, becoming a quick, garbled monster made up mostly of vowels and little else.

Hippocrates, the famous ancient Greek physician, can have his name pronounced two ways. Not until I played Assassin’s Creed Odyssey would I get it right. To make It easier on players, the names were spelled with a k in place of a c, so Hercules becomes the proper Herakles. Socrates becomes Sokrates, pronounced so-CRAT-ees.

And now that I’ve learned that little lesson, I also wish I could travel to the mainland and Greek Islands. So much beauty, such wonderful people, and ages of rich history. Funny, what a game can teach you.

Motion pictures can also help correct our misremembered experiences. Where you might think something was in a particular film, it really wasn’t. Remember North by Northwest? Really, you think so? OK. But some people remember different lead actresses. And what was the theme song of the last version of TVs Lassie?

If you go so far back, you can see that memory is a very peculiar thing, and sometimes we get it wrong.

My Search For What Never Existed, But Saw Anyway

Some time ago….call it the early 2000s, I saw a movie. It was about two boys, both invisible to other students at, I want to say, a college. So, freshman year. One was diminutive in stature, one tall and thin. They became friends, each looking to the other for the acceptance that they could not get from others. The bond became strong. I don’t remember much, but the taller one gets a girlfriend, becomes popular, and leaves his best friend alone. Eventually he is dared to prank or otherwise do the ultimate betrayal to his friend, and later finds out that his mistreatment had consequences. The smaller guy dies. Whether he was beaten, had a terminal illness, or killed himself I can’t remember. There are several times when the song “One of Us” plays, especially at the end. The song, covered by Joan Osborne, went on to become the running theme song of the series Joan of Arcadia.

My problem is, I can’t find any sign of this movie. I don’t even know if it was a movie. It could have been a TV show pilot or episode. And I can’t remember if God actually appears in it. My impression at the time was dark; as if God was represented by the smaller of the friends, and that the whole point of the show was a lesson in friendship and betrayal.

I’ve searched for pop culture media with that song in it, I’ve searched for movies with the theme of two boys bonding and one is betrayed. The very first search comes up with Close, a 2022 French film with much the same theme, but the actors look nothing like the ones I saw, and the production was American, not French, and I saw it long before 2022. More than a decade before.

Question: what exactly did I see, when was it, and why can’t I find it? Was it a miniseries, a pilot, a show’s standalone episode, or a movie? I know I did see it, because it was a really tragic story and I cried. How could I have seen it if there is no reference to it in any search results? Or is the Mandela Effect a real phenomenon, wherein realities shift at random, or is it some science fiction mess like getting switched with another me in a parallel universe?

I’m uncomfortable with things that make me question reality, but I’m not the first to be in this position, and I won’t be the last. Maybe, next time, it will be you.

Hey, Friends, What Have We Learned This Week?

What’s a topic or issue about which you’ve changed your mind?

What can anyone at all get out of my posts this week?

Anyone? Some are way ahead of me. Others are just mystified that I share so much. But mostly I go unnoticed. I’m not an influencer. Not widely read or known. I’m nobody. Just an asshole who’s honest about being an asshole.

But this week was kind of different from from my usual complaints about life. Or my stupid observations and even worse interpretations.

Because this week, I came close to really losing myself. “Beware the fury of a patient man” is truly a term that applies to me. Being two steps from Hell feels very real and dangerous to me. And certainly, my sister Michele was right: my soul has been shattered. Pieces of it, scattered around, I don’t know where. One, subconsciously left behind simply because I loved my siblings, like she and my youngest brother, and I feared leaving them behind. But, had I remained, even for another month, I would surely have gone insane.

I don’t know how my sister senses things like those, but all of us emerged with “gifts” that typically show up in extreme trauma victims. Later she would become a survivor, but all of those retain those same perceptions that, all are born with, but by reason of extraordinary survival challenges, develop to degrees many people never imagine. Or believe.

All my dreams were long since gone by the time I turned 14. I worked that summer as a carpenter’s helper, and he so impressed me with his patient and humorous, gentle nature that I decidid I, too, wanted to be like that. The foundation was there, all I had to do was to build on it.

But such was my anger and trauma that my coping was crude. I couldn’t be kind, or gentle, and the monster we each have sleeping inside us just became more hungry, demanding to be fed. I had to go through a lot more, to mature with time, to learn how to ignore it. Decades slipped past.

My ability to be patient would eventually come, but it took a lot out of me; it’s a fight that never ends and the initial caging of the beast was only the beginning.

Rarely, I encountered people who threatened the security around my personal creature. I came damnably close to disaster when aggressive assholes decided I was a good target. No longer a coward, but somewhat willing to engage in combat, I fought instead that hungry demonic thing in me that screamed, “Let me OUT, you know you want to. Together we will avenge your soul!”

That kind of payback would have cost me my soul. It would avenge nothing. You can’t get back what’s lost, not your fragmented heart or soul, not your lost childhood, wrongly destroyed though each was. Its over.

But nothing is over in your mind. That is a battleground that will be fought for until the end of your life.

In the clip above, you saw a movie scene that still makes me weep. Sometimes, I can’t stop.

John Rambo. All he wanted was something to eat. And nobody cared to let him, starting with the sheriff.

This scene, at the end, is entirely accurate. It has been played out too many times in too many places. If this 80s movie isn’t your cup of tea, or if you just never got around to seeing it, I recommend it. There’s nothing major in this scene that I think is off. This is a man who was triggered, whose guard against the inner beast was dropped, and it ended up this way.

And while every sequel that followed this film was ridiculous to the point of being comical, and this as a standalone film is perfect, the ultimate takeaway is this one question: is it really possible? The answer is, of course, yes.

Now, watch this. It’s vloggers reacting to “First Blood”, and mindfully pay attention to the facial expressions of each as the final scene plays out:

Most end up crying. But not all. One woman looks up, almost as if she is about to roll her eyes. But she doesn’t. She’s clearly keeping busy holding in her own monster, and it’s hard. Dasha, in particular, is very emotional. In empathy, she already sees where this is going. It clearly hurts.

I was shocked at their reaction to the brief glimpse of all the police lights flashing outside. How could they not have seen that coming?

These reactions are priceless. None of them knows what the end scene has for them, and when it’s over, they’re somewhat stunned.

In the book, they don’t know, Trautman shoots Rambo. Call it a mercy killing. Things had gone so wrong that they couldn’t be fixed. Rambo had been triggered, mindlessly obeyed training and rage, and once released, that beast must be exhausted, played out and then caught and killed. His life was over. It was over when he was drafted.

All trauma patients harbor The Beast. All fight their own battles to cope, to survive, to keep their worst hidden, not from others, but from themselves. But triggers can be anything, anywhere. And this week I was triggered and sunk to helpless victim behavior because that’s what I learned so long ago. Victim behavior is, ironically, one of the things that I didn’t even know was holding back my personal beast of rage, vengeance. I would freeze but not fight. Could not run. I just stood there. For years.

I lived by a code. Be kind. Be polite. But kill when given the order to fight. To this day I call people sir or ma’am. To this day I search for honor, a thing I lost or never had. And that sandbag and rock base was such a small part of it all. Exchanging fire with an MG nest, you don’t forget. The sound of bullets tearing through foliage a foot away from you is horrible. You think at least one round will surely get you.

You know, it’s the same feeling as being under my father’s lash gave me. Live? Die? Go mad? Which will it be? But you never think it’s going to be like this.

Not this. So many years of hiding, suffering, shamed by even a spouse if you had a nightmare, shook for no reason, or cried. You’d better not cry. You do that and you’re a pussy.

You can’t laugh. You’re inappropriate. You can’t talk. You’ll piss everyone off. You can’t go out. “Everyone” will surely be watching you and thinking how crazy you are. Your life is gone.

I keep thinking. That time the old man held his .357 magnum against my head. Scared, yes. But not until later did I realize that I wouldn’t have cared what happened either way. The threat of death can only cause so much fear after you’ve already lived with it all your life.

Now I seek peace. Honor. A place I can call home.

But I’m sure that it is not to be. It saddens me. My reaction to what I know from experience to be stalking behavior proves that I am not an honorable man. That I will never find peace or my own place. No, I am not honorable. I am not even a good man. I’m just an asshole. There were better ways to handle it. Those ways I cannot do. It is disgraceful. I am ashamed.

But I will never be able to go shopping again without scanning the cars going by, or the people inside, because I fought being triggered and ignored red flags. Trying to keep the beast trapped. My post about not testing the patient man whom you know to have a violent past stands. Don’t push them. Don’t mistake them as being what they cannot possibly be. Predators make the world hostile for more than their victims: they make their victims to be potential time bombs that endanger others. And if most never act on triggers the way Rambo did, please understand that it can happen. That it does happen.

My advice is that you take these past few posts to heart. Be kind, be careful, be gentle to and with others. You don’t know what battles they are fighting. Pray for them. Get them to trust you and let them talk. You just might be saving lives by showing that you care. Otherwise, please just leave them alone. Never start a war you can’t finish. As for what lessons I’ve learned, I think you know by now.

The Magic of Jesus Christ Superstar 50 Years Later

What’s your all-time favorite album?

August of this year marked the 50th anniversary of the release of the film Jesus Christ Superstar.

It is an historic event, celebrating a masterpiece of art and culture from a time so long ago that you may not have been born yet. That’s too bad, because this is a musical film every bit worth seeing, but also a snapshot of popular culture and music from a time when people felt lost and teens were searching for their identity amid very troubled times.

Shot on location in 1972, released in August of 1973, the first thing to know is, it stirred up a lot of controversy.

That is no understatement, either. Protests happened outside of cinemas, then the entire Christian community became divided. When given a screening of it by director Norman Jewison, Pope Paul VI praised it. He found it inspiring and said that it “would bring (a lot of) people to Christianity.”

The pope also felt stirred by Mary Magdalena’s song “I don’t know how to love him” and felt that it was inspired.

There was, however, the age-old controversy of the Romans versus the Jews as to “who killed Christ”, and some of course claimed that it had an antisemitic theme.

It did not, but you would first need to understand what was already happening at the time of Christ. The movie chronicles the final week of the life of Jesus, what we Christians call “the Passion Week” which begins on Palm Sunday.

Contrary to belief, the Romans never flogged a condemned prisoner before saddling him with a cross. Known as the “half-death”, Rome had a set of rules to be followed to the letter regarding flogging and execution. Pilate had no intention of giving the Jews what they wanted. He hated his post and dreamed of a promotion, but Tiberius was slowly going mad and threatened to punish the prefect if he stirred up the Jewish people again, which he had, heretofore, taken great joy in doing. Giving in to Caiaphas was inevitable. He had no love or sympathy for Jesus, but there is reason to believe that the auxiliary soldiers (barbarians) consisted of semitic men who hated the Jews and wielded the lash with nothing held back, causing Pilate to recoil on seeing Jesus afterward. No victim of such a beating was ever supposed to be crucified; they would not last long, they wouldn’t be able to carry their cross, and the purpose of public execution to deter crime was rendered useless.

Also, the “39 lashes” was a Jewish custom and carried out not with a flagellum but with rods. Then, the act of washing his hands while pronouncing the death sentence, that, too, was a Jewish custom. He was throwing it in their face in a spiteful act.

One can argue these and many other details ad nauseum, but the act of the Sacrifice is always there, no matter what. It was meant to happen and no one race or group was responsible.

There’s really nothing here to fight over. Except one glaring detail…

The movie begins very curiously. A camera in some ruins pans, then shows a red, blue and silver bus raising dust as it approaches. When it stops a bunch of hippie actors begin unloading props to put on a project, and we know it’s a movie. The cross lashed to the bus roof is not a surprise; we know what this movie will be. As the Overture plays, Ted Neely (Jesus), wearing hippie threads, walks past the now grounded cross and looks down at it, a detail I missed for 20 years. I did see the movie on the big screen, which is still the best way, but details escape me.

As everyone dons costumes and makeup, the music intensifies until we see Neely changed into his Jesus costume and Judas (the one and only Carl Anderson) walks away, symbolic of his isolation from the other Apostles.

Since Anderson played Judas and was black, another protest sprang up. But the production could never have been done without him. His voice, the notes he could hit, his expressions, all made him the best man for the job.

In the heat of the deserts of the Holy Land, the crew and actors required 5 quarts of water or more a day. Temperatures reached 120°F, causing heat exhaustion, dehydration and they were all overdressed. Metal helmets, bloused military boots, heavy robes, even tunics…this production was brutal.

But everyone stuck it out. Friends were made. Their was love, a joy among them. That’s pretty special. Ted Neely even met his future wife, Leeyan Granger, on set, and their first encounter is sweet and romantic. She literally took his breath away.

The cast became so close that during the shooting of the Crucifixion, the actors watching cried.

The magnum opus is “Gethsemane”, and Ted nailed it in a single take. In the song “Superstar” we see a renewed, resurrected Jesus is clothed in pure white, while Judas asks him “Did you mean to die like that, was that a mistake or did you know your messy death would be a record breaker?”

In the Bible, the priests of the temple were greatly disturbed by the buzz created by Jesus of Nazareth. Stories of miracles worried them enough, but his words to the crowds filtered back to Jerusalem and caused High Priest Caiaphas to picture a revolt by the people against temple authority. By Palm Sunday when Jesus arrived in Jerusalem, he was already a marked man. This is shown in the movie. And in the Trial Before Pilate, the Roman prefectus tries to help Jesus escape death, but Jesus does not defend himself. It turned into a chess match (in the Bible) between Pilate and Caiaphas, one in which Pilate made mistakes with every move, underestimating the high priest and his frenzied crowd.

Following the Crucifixion, the actors board the bus to leave. Some are happy, some somber, especially Mary (Yvonne Eliman). Carl Anderson is the last to board and we see what he keeps looking at: the cross, now alone and bare, the sun setting behind it. Ted Neely doesn’t get on the bus. Jewison didn’t believe in the resurrection and it hadn’t been in the original play anyway. But some say that, if you look closely, in the foreground of the cross, a shepherd with his sheep just happened to walk across the scene. They take it as symbolic of Christ leading his sheep (believers) even after his earthly life had ended.

After seeing the movie, I was forever a fan. The double vinyl LP soundtrack became my favorite record of all time. It always will be. I hope you give it a listen or watch the movie. A Universal Pictures release, it still bears a G rating. You can buy a digital copy on Amazon or find the DVD.

The Overture

“Superstar” from the soundtrack album

The very emotional final number, the instrumental “John 19:41” bookend to the Overture.

The masterpiece that could not have been made without every piece falling into place exactly as it did. Jesus Christ Superstar, from 1973.

Movie Review: “Ghosts of War” (English, 2020)

First off, this very dark and graphic movie isn’t for everyone. Most critics hate it and won’t recommend it. And although it is a release of the Lockdown, not many got to see it then because of limited access. As subscription prices rise to rival the cost of cable, free streaming is a myth standing in front of the growing cost of internet service.

Assuming that you have internet access, then, I suppose you already subscribe to at least one streaming service. Through the magic of the web, once online you can see a load of free movies and TV shows with ads that aren’t unbearable in the commercial break length.

So what to watch, with horrible weather and too many reasons to just chill inside?

Take your pick. Search any film title and the results show where you can see it. Some are on specific subscription services like Disney Plus or Hulu. Not worth the cost, since you’re already paying for Wi-Fi.

I’ve been getting Fios emails warning me that my service will increase in cost in January. They ignore the fact that they’re not the only game in town and should stay competitive, but then again, when does a corporation ever care about its customers?

Tubi is my go-to app for free movies and TV, but I still love the Amazon Prime benefit of tons of movies for cheap, without censorship or ad breaks.

That being said, the heat of summer and the bouts of rain here keep me indoors a lot. Discovering Ghosts of War was one rare treasure that I found compelling and intense. On Tubi now, it’s worth seeing by anyone who likes science fiction, horror and war in one movie.

That’s not to say that it’s particularly frightening; my first viewing had me pausing to take considerable breaks for smokes. It’s ugly stuff, as any movie about war should be. I’m not pushing an anti-war conviction here; all wars have always been nothing but humanity at its very worst, full of carnage, disease, war crimes, and the always present deaths of civilians, crudely called “collateral damage”. I’m saying that in my view, war is terrifying, leaving damaged or dead people everywhere it goes, like a plague. It is stupid, but not merely so; it is the very height of the stupidity of the human race.

I have never been in a major theatre of combat, but I’ve had a brief taste and it can’t be described. The closest thing on screen was the Omaha Beach portion of Saving Private Ryan.

When grenades and mortar shells hit nearby, the loss of hearing except for ringing in the ears and general shock and disorientation Captain Miller experiences are real. You’re terrified by bullets zinging past you, but that state is, and must be, overcome by the adrenaline it produces. It is unforgettable. Years later, decades later, the haunting memory of it gets worse, not better.

Our movie begins in the French countryside in 1944. Five soldiers from the 82nd Airborne are camped at night. The squad leader awakes and sees someone in the trees lighting a cigarette and watching them. He clenches his eyes shut, as a child does when trying to banish something out of a nightmare. When he opens his eyes again, the mysterious man is gone.

The next morning, they continue toward their assigned destination, a chateau 30 miles away by foot. On hearing a German jeep coming, they mine the road and watch as the vehicle hits it. This is our real introduction to the squad: they shoot the survivors, all but one of which would die anyway. Butchie, the big guy, wants to fistfight a major who’s in remarkably good shape considering what just happened. It’s unlikely. Also, the jeep was completely blown apart, but is now lying upside down and basically in one piece. You think it’s a goof, a cheap plot device by the director.

But it’s not. This is how they’re experiencing it. Butchie starts out strong in the fistfight, but the Nazi major quickly begins to beat him. That’s until the squad leader shoots the major in the head with his pistol.

Here’s the cast of the squad:

Chris, the squad leader: Brenton Thwaits

Alan Richson as Butchie, the big, tough guy

Theo Rossi as Kirk

Skylar Astin as Eugene, the brains in the outfit

Kyle Gallner as Tappert, squad sniper, who chews up every scene he’s in. Without him, this movie wouldn’t be worth watching.

Not to be overlooked is the dynamic between the squad members. There’s mistrust, apprehension and a tension that is visible from the beginning, but which becomes palpable later.

On reaching the chateau to relieve the current squad on watch, they find that the relieved members are dodging questions, antsy and far too anxious to leave: our first clue that something isn’t right here.

Searching the house, they find clues of a disturbing nature, and experience doors slamming shut, noises from the fireplace that sound like voices and then Morse code, and a dead animal dropping from the chimney. Eventually, even the level-headed, dedicated Chris admits that the chateau is haunted. Butchie wants to leave, but Chris refuses, saying that abandoning their post is sure to end in their court-martial.

But things get worse. Eugene finds the journal of a Nazi soldier, which describes what the Germans did to the Helwig family, the owners before the Reich moved in and made the beautiful chateau a headquarters. It’s ugly, merciless stuff, enough to horrify anyone. Having discovered that the Helwigs had sheltered Jews, the family’s executions are appropriately gross and barbaric; Nazis executed almost everyone suspected of harboring Jews.

This theme could trigger Holocaust survivors or their descendants, or anyone with a soul. But that’s not the end.

Through the course of the movie, I spotted what I thought were major mistakes. One was the 90 degree angled flashlight. But I looked it up and found that different models were in fact issued, but not widely, to G.I.s in WW2. The earliest had black caps at either end, but later the entire thing was OD green. No problem there.

The use of Thompson machine guns by everyone but the sniper is as incorrect as you can get. Squad leaders (like Captain Miller in Saving Private Ryan) would bear a Tommy, while the others would have carried the M-1 Garand, a rifle so superior to everything the Axis had that General George Patton called it the best weapon of the war and credited it with the Allies’ victory. All of these men carry Tommies, and sidearm, a mistake.

But, I do not consider this or any other inconsistencies to be mistakes.

For one, the squad wears the patches of both airborne and infantry. This is accounted for in the end.

Tappert overhears the others talking about him and later tells Eugene the story behind the cat’s cradle. This makes him both sympathetic and the worst mental casualty of them all. His face is worn by extreme fatigue and yet he tells the story of how he didn’t sleep for 5 days after Strasbourg.

“What I did to those Hitler youth was a fucking nightmare,” he says, but describes the scene as seeing it as an out-of-body experience. “I wanted to kill the eggs before they hatched,” he says. He describes decapitation of one boy who then sits up and makes a cat’s cradle with string. Eugene had told the others, “it wasn’t the first move”, which is inexplicable. Tappert gives that wan smile, tears coming from his eyes, and says in a southern accent, “…and what am I gonna do? I mean, I just cut his head off, am I gonna be rude? So I played cat’s cradle with him and then he just layed back down. It was like a fever dream. I forgot that happened until you reminded me.”

He already told Eugene that his mother liked scary movies. He names two: Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy and I was a Teenage Werewolf, both of which were not released until a decade after the end of the war. Some are quick to jump on this, calling it a glaring mistake. I believe it’s not a mistake at all but is explained in the end.

The chateau ends up getting attacked by Nazis, but the squad fends them off, but Butchie jumps on a grenade and won’t live much longer.

He comes awake through the morphine shots and screams, “This isn’t real” several times, then saying, “it was us!”. Then he tells them to “Remember”, and dies.

I’ve checked everything I saw and questioned in the movie and came away with very little that couldn’t be explained by the end.

In closing, I’ve met many war veterans in my life. Almost to a man they displayed behavior that can only be explained by trauma and tremendous guilt. And which is worse? Or are they always together and come in a bundle like insurance? I’ve known men who bore guilt but never admitted it. I learned how to spot it and adjust my discussions accordingly. The more I learned about my own condition, the less I understood it. PTSD costs millions in lost time at work and accidents from dissociation. War and abuse have more power to wreck lives than modern medicine has to fix the damage.

Here, we see a shocking end that makes a wild payoff, but leaves questions. I found no evidence of the curse used, and the men could not have “all said it at one time or another,” as a doctor claims. Chris had a tube for ventilation or feeding, Tappert has no lower jaw, and Butchie died. The questions linger. But that’s effective, as are the jump scares, phantom images and floors creaking. Critics call this a movie full of clichés. I don’t. I recommend it and score it 9 out of ten.

Underrated Movies 1

Ever since I first saw the theatrical release trailer, I’ve wanted to see this movie. The reviews I read were pretty bad, and I never saw it on any cable channels. Here, on YouTube, I finally found it. Streaming free with ads, like a dream come true.

Now, it goes back far enough that people my age will get it, but not so the younger ones. You’ll get no spoilers here, because even revealing the plot would ruin it. There are so many pop culture references, though, as to have kept my attention (no small feat) and made me laugh out loud, quite an accomplishment.

Let me say it: the beginning is a slow burn, but once the characters are established, it never lets up. Unrelenting and unashamed, it attacks everything about TV and cinema and you have to see it if you have not already.

Pam Dawber (before Mark Harmon turned into a bag of perfumed vinegar and vanished her from just about everything,) is a perfect fit as a fed-up wife and mother, John Ritter is his fumbling best, and this is an hour and a half that will fly past you and leave you in a good mood. Rated PG for mild language and violence, this Peter Hyams (director), Morgan Creek (production company), Warner film was a bomb in theaters in 1992, has lukewarm ratings on Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic and did not recover production costs.

At all.

The reasons for the mediocre scores are the reviewers themselves. They just happened not to like dark parodies, which leaves those who do shrugging. They said, “too scary for kids”, “not deep enough” and mundane generic rhetoric.

But it’s also a funny study of good VS evil, and how Satan can be tricked and beaten because his henchmen are operating in eternal darkness.

Don’t Look Up!

Don’t do it! Because watching the latest major Netflix release, you’re bound to throw away your backyard telescope!

As the end credits began, I asked myself, “The bloody hell did I just watch? What the fuck was that?”

Okay, okay. I’ll say it. This movie is a major film worthy of a theatrical release, which it is, but COVID-19 restrictions have been put back in place in some areas. It’s worth getting Netflix to see this, and hey, I’m not messing with you. It had me, from the first second I saw the opening credits and saw who was in it, enraptured. I couldn’t look away. With attention span problems, that’s saying something.

And do not turn it off when the end credits begin! Don’t turn it off when they seem over. Let them roll until you get the Netflix screen. No spoilers here, but I can tell you that this film just pushed Christopher Robin (2018) to the number two spot on my favorite movies list. I didn’t think that could ever happen. I mean it, that movie hit me in every right place it could. Nostalgia, Pooh and Eeyore, a grown-up Christopher Robin, laughs, a bit of suspense, a sad bit, and fucking Eeyore!

If you see this film on IMDb, you’ll see the words “comedy, drama and Sci-Fi.”

That’s not enough. You have to see this. The premise: in the first scenes, Jennifer Lawrence, a Michigan State astronomer, discovers a new comet. Everyone’s happy until her supervisor, Leonardo DiCaprio, calculates its path.

Chris Evans, Ariana Grande, Tyler Perry, Meryl Streep, Ron Perlman, Kid Cudi, Cate Blanchett and so many more make this a well-rounded movie, and I sat there waiting for someone to steal the show, but it never happened. They’re all spectacular, and yet, for a moment, I have to say, Ron Perlman almost did it. His part wasn’t long enough for that, and in truth it’s perfect. It’s his kind of part, short, but a custom fit that nobody else could have ever done.

Jennifer Lawrence is good. Not since Hunger Games and Silver Linings Playbook has she shown off like this, and it’s good to see. Meryl Streep as the president is, uh, well done. Perhaps too well done. She’s the one and only, though, and has she ever let audiences down?

That’s all I’m going to say. This movie gets a perfect score from me; everything is perfect, from the first frame to the last: sound, music, writing, directing, make-up, sets and lighting.

Please do treat yourself to this awesome movie.

The Best Things In Christmas Movies

There’s something about Christmas movies. I don’t know. So many have their moments when they bring us to tears, make us laugh hysterically or just plain hit that sentimental sweet spot. I have my favorite ones, but everyone has their own. See if yours are on this list.

•Joe Pesci’s scream when he grabs the door knob in Home Alone. What a scream, I still laugh at it.

•Chevy Chase making Freudian slips with the woman in the department store. The first time I saw it, I rolled. It’s still hilarious! (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation)

•Here Comes Santa Claus (Christmas Vacation) perfect timing!

•You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch (classic cartoon special) Have you actually listened to every word? This song is a scream!

•Bad Santa is the worst Christmas movie since Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Nevertheless, eh. Funny if you’re a bit of a sadist, but he redeemed himself in the end.

•”Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!” (Christmas Vacation) oh, dear lord. No other actor could’ve pulled this scene off. Too funny!

•THIS!

•Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer the misfit Toys

•It’s a Wonderful Life ending

•This poor guy from Home Alone

Bonus Content:

We love our Christmas music, and we could talk forever and a day about it. But some leave an impression and never leave you. Here’s a few favorites.

•Never liked this song til these geniuses came along.

As always, thanks for letting me be a small part of your life.

Movies For Halloween

The Monster Squad– 1987, Tristar Pictures

A group of children who love the old Universal Studios creature features must face off with the real Mummy, Dracula, Wolf Man, the creature from the Black Lagoon and Frankenstein monster after Ibrahim Von Helsing failed to vanquish the Count more than a century ago.

Ghost Story– 1981, Universal

The cast is perfect. Fred Astaire is Frederick Hawthorne, John Houseman is Sears James, Melvyn Douglas is Dr. John Jaffrey, Douglas Fairbanks Jr. Is the elder Mr. Wanderly and Craig Wasson is Don Wanderly. In a small New England town, the seniors who comprise the Chowder Society are suffering terrible nightmares. What’s coming next is the real thing.

The Shining– 1980, Warner Bros.

Jack Nicholson tears up the screen with pure terror, Shelley Duvall is his wife who, ever so slowly, comes apart while the Torrance family do winter caretaking at the closed Overlook Hotel. Real scary.

Duel- 1971, Universal, ABC Movie of the Week directed by Steven Spielberg (his first movie)

Dennis Weaver plays in a, basically, one-man story. He’s chased across California by an evil driver in a filthy Peterbilt pulling a 1950s fuel tanker. Trust me here. You trust me, right? Well, then just this once, okay?

Frankenstein-1931, Universal

Boris Karloff in the role of a lifetime. Eerie, scary and, finally, heartbreaking.

Creature from the Black Lagoon– 1954, Universal

Still too intense for me, but you gotta see it.

Predator– 1987, 20th Century Fox, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Jesse Ventura, Sonny Landham

An action film about American mercenaries in Guatemala, I didn’t see this one coming. It’s a semi-slow build from jungle warfare to a terrifying chase and a desperate struggle to survive.

It (2017) It Chapter 2 (2019), Warner Bros.

A group of kids are all traumatized by parental abuse or the bullies of Derry, Maine. Suddenly people start to vanish, and they band together as The Losers to fight an enemy more dreadful than anything from a nightmare. The first part is typical King formula with weird but ultimately valiant kids coming of age. 27 years later, one who never left notices posters of missing kids all over town and calls for The Losers to reunite. Both parts have horrifying openings, especially the first. Both are terrifying films, expertly acted, filmed and edited. Starting at sunset on Halloween night, watch them back-to-back. Don’t overdo the popcorn, though.

Graphic, It and It Chapter 2 are as far as I can go. I don’t do slasher faire and therefore don’t recommend them. But Pennywise actor Bill Skarsgård is so terrifying in his role that I can’t help myself. Unforgettable.

Sleepy Hollow– 1999, Paramount, Director Tim Burton

One of my favorites, this is not what you think it is if you know the story by the Irving classic short story or the Disney cartoon.

Starring Johnny Depp as Ichabod Crane, a queasy New York City Police constable in 1799 who insists on scientific methods for detection of clues to solve crimes, which does not sit well with his superiors.

Christopher Lee, the one and only, is the judge so fed up with Crane’s insistence on seeking true justice (he is quickly interrupted when stating that innocents have been routinely imprisoned) that he tasks the constable with the impossible: journey upstate to the town of Sleepy Hollow and use his advanced detection methods to catch the person responsible for 3 decapitations within a fortnight.

Michael Gambon (who would succeed Sir Richard Harris as Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series), Christopher Walken as the Hessian mercenary whose thirst for battle and blood make him formidable and terrifying, and Richard Griffiths (Vernon Dudly, Harry Potter’s uncle) are part of an incredible cast. I defy you to tell the difference between stage and exterior shots; the sets and techniques for filming are quite mood-setting, and the yarn is well told in its new form. This is one to buy; you’ll want to see it again.

The Ninth Gate– 1999, Artisan, Director Roman Polanski

Another 1999 Johnny Depp adventure, featuring Frank Langella, this is one slow burn broken into segments by puzzling and violent incidents. Depp is Dean Corso, a rare book appraiser and shifty middleman who cashes in on the ignorance of others who have rare volumes but don’t know their worth. When Boris Balkan (Langella) hires Dean Corso to a determine whether a rare book is genuine, Corso travels to Portugal and France to examine the only two (other) remaining copies. Which one is genuine is not the mystery, as all three have differences. As Corso finds himself in something deeper than the usual rare book would carry with it, things go from troubling to pure darkness. Depp did not play Corso as Polanski wanted him to, but it works. His understated version adds to the burn and lends something surprising to the end.

End of Days– 1999, Universal

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Kevin Pollack are partners in a security firm that is hardcore, with high profile clients. As the title suggests, 1999, the end of the millennium, marks the time when the antichrist is to be conceived. Moody, dark, gory and scary, the film was ripped by critics and did not do well at the box office, but for me, it’s a classic Arnold film, and he plays a perfect straight man to Pollack’s irreverent quips. The film works to remind me that in the battle between good and evil, people are never sure which side they’re on until the last second, and this is illustrated as the Time’s Square New Year countdown begins. Screw the critis and check it out.

An American Werewolf in London– 1981, Universal

David Naughton, Jenny Agutter, Griffin Dunne

Dimwitted backpackers in England are attacked by a werewolf. Stellar acting, Director John Landis at his best, and classic soundtrack make this one a classic. Dry British and American humor and vivid nightmare sequences and outstanding creature effects all work perfectly together. A classic.