In these lonely hours, in solitude and in pain, I often look back at history and compare it to the current state of affairs, especially world events.

Philosophy enters into my thoughts, but more so does God, what he’s done, what he’s allowed to be done, and our human abilities to exercise freedom and critical thinking.

I’ve known for decades that the Lord doesn’t micromanage. He stays out of the fight, because we have no access to what the future holds, but he has already seen it. Before you ask for his help, he knows what you need. He has known every situation you would be in since time, as we know it, began.

No, before that, even: he’s all-knowing and all-seeing. He is mightier than we can possibly understand.

For as long as I’ve professed my faith, I have been challenged: “If God is so loving, why does he allow good people to suffer and die?”

One friend told me how, when he was a boy, he sought a local minister. The preacher said, “God is not home today.” Then he closed the doors and little James never went back. Nor had he, the last time I saw him, let go of that incident and the bitterness it caused.

It is a sin, what the minister said, most likely because he did not feel like seeing a child that day, or because he did not relate well with children as a whole. There is no excuse, but it happened. I hope my friend James turned to God and forgave the man who had hurt him.

I believe that divine inspiration is real, but likewise that evil temptation is, too.

At the SOTU address in 1991, the United States, and a coalition of other countries, were locked in combat to defend Kuwait against the military forces of Iraq.

Bush spoke of a “new world order” in which all nations “ would stand together and fight tyranny and abuse.

The speech pulled a trigger on every conspiracy theorist or adherent the world over. It was outlandish and arrogant, an insult to other countries’ leaders. It also conjured pictures of a modern illuminati, people who hold power and exploit the weak and the powerless.

Others liked that speech.

But both sides were pulled apart, and have been torn apart more in the intervening years.

There is no evidence of a modern illuminati, but the lack of proof is cited as room for doubt and mistrust.

Meanwhile, some Christians see the possibility of such a secret group as a sign that the “Antichrist” is the only one who can unite the Levant and the West against the “kings of the East.”

In other words, they’re sure the “end times” as prophesied in the gospels and the Book of Revelation to Saint John the Divine, are near.

If your eyes are open, you see the United States as a nation falling apart, and in the near future, in need of saving.

But forget about it. Forget it all.

Some people are trying to dismantle our government piece by piece in a blitz of power grabs and human rights violations. If there was ever a plan for a new world order, it’s gone south.

No group of rich and enlightened people can control what is happening to this country.

I say this because it isn’t relevant to the well-being of your soul. Fight for freedom, law and order, but peacefully. Remember that a Christian’s first duty is to choose goodness over evil, giving God praise through good times and bad; and through his divine presence and strength, to take care of each other.

I can hate the people’s deeds, those who are being more evil than even I foresaw, but I must never hate the people doing those things. And I regret judging the person in the moment, but not separating those people from their crimes and sins.

They have an evil agenda, but I believe that most have no idea what the consequences will be. Evil does not require that; it just does what it does.

As far as the evil itself goes, it is obvious to me that demonic forces are hard at work, and none of it is escapable. Only faith can help us, a solid faith that perhaps doesn’t keep you from sinning, but does keep you going back to the Lord.

It is not your standing in the world that concerns me. It is your soul that matters.

Are you truly forgiven?

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father but by me.“

If you publicly declare yourself a Christian and you believe that he is the Messiah, your place in Heaven is secured. If it was just words to you, then your soul is in danger.

You will not love equally. You will find no forgiveness in your heart. Your compassion is not real. Your mouth will never praise God. That choice comes down to the fact that we are all free to choose. Refusing to acknowledge Christ is one of those choices. It’s not a good one but by lying to yourself you can easily live in sin without guilty feelings.

What I want to say is, there are exhausted people out there. Both good and bad. Like shipwreck victims, they’re treading water. Soon, they will sink in the sea of their own sins, and some will die unsaved by the blood of the lamb.

Remember: until your last breath before slipping beneath the surface, you can still repent. You can still claim the sacrifice of the Messiah as a gift, for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

For months, I have been under attack by the devil and his demons. I have given in to temptation and felt myself growing darker, my soul turning pitch black.

If it happens to you, walk away from the things that the devil knows you like. Return as a prodigal son to Jesus, to the Lord. I can think of nothing more terrible than finding out that God is real, Jesus is real, but it’s too late when your time comes to account for you life in front of them. Go to them now instead. Before it’s too late, go home.

The devil screams in your ear, but Jesus calls to you in a soft voice. Which one will you listen to?

Another, beautiful version. You know the words now: enjoy this powerful music. I consider it medicine for the weary. Wait til you hear those fiddles start. I cry every time.

Let your heart, as troubled as it is, soak in the tunes and words, and ask God to help you do what’s right. Come home now, out of the darkness you don’t deserve.

Thanks and all my love to those who have been praying for me. Special thanks to our good friend and brother, Jack Flacco.