This may be funny to us, but I’ve seen Baltimoreans turn beet-red as they speak these words, knowing that the look you’re giving them is full of disgust. This list updates and revises the one I wrote in 2008-2009 or something like that.
First, I’ll give the proper word, and beside that, give you their collective barf-making versions. Hold on to your stomachs, or have a sick-bag handy. Ready? Here we go.
The Word: What They Say
12-Crabs: “Craibs”
11-Sink: “Zinc”
10-Thing: “Think”
9-Wash: “Warsh”
8-Dollar: “Dolglar”
7-Mount: “Mayount”
6-Rinse: “Wrench”
5-Oh: “Eww”
4-Quarter: “Coorder”
3-Pound: “Peeyound”
2-Valentine’s: “Ballantines”
Also, as: “Valentime’s”
1-Baltimore: “Bawlamer”
Overcompensation: “Balteemore”
When you can’t even pronounce the name of the city you live in, you’re pathetic, hopeless wastrels.
You see the sports teams. Beyond, there be darkness, death, and the functionally illiterate. I’m not certain of which is worse.
And they never even change their bed linens. That smell you get hit with on I-95 headed to or from the Fort McHenry Tunnels?
Well, now you know the rest of the story. If you’re lucky, maybe the sewage will be more predominant on the summer breeze.
1987. Oh, I know that year. I began to serve the first of 3 presidents, my Commanders-in-Chief. I wasn’t all that political about it. I could not afford to be. There was no room.
My wife became pregnant with our son.
And I had just done the impossible: gone through basic training and combat medical school with a disabling, pre-existing condition. I couldn’t believe it. But the real problem remained and trouble was coming. Could I know the half of it? Of course not. It was always one day at a time for me. Besides, I was not much for the news back then.
Had I been able, I’d have seen what these guys did.
The song goes fast for post-punk, but in the 80s, a decade full of okay music with some great masterpieces mixed in, it is a true standout. It stuns you, it goes so fast. But now, I can make myself believe that these lyricists knew something. A lot of somethings, to be honest. Watch the lyrics on the screen as you listen. Back then, this was dreadfully cynical and pessimistic.
Today, the general idea or theme is not so obscure as it once seemed.
I’ve been writing about mental illness as affected by multiple levels of harm done that were beyond my control. I’ve noted that healthcare is harder than drug ads or even ads for doctors or insurance providers make it seem.
Before this, I’ve written about industrial pollution, global warming, elitism, the looming failure of the United States government because of the Trumpian Party, racism, bigotry, corruption and greed, and the unscrupulous politics of organized religion.
There’s one line in the song about reporters being “trumped” and it has accidentally taken on new meaning.
The general idea of the song is that we’re all going to sit here and let the downfall of society happen, and how it happens won’t make a difference.
I wish I could have a better feeling about the future, because we had the means to escape the climate crisis we face, and we had the choice not to elect a lunatic for a president, and we’ve had power as a species to change to a different path.
But we have failed. We have abandoned the righteous cause of women’s rights, we have resorted to giving voice to violent criminals who should have been outnumbered by law enforcement and righteous citizens on January 6th, 2020. We care nothing for the sick, the elderly and the poor, we don’t protect children, we have elected leaders who give their souls for money and power and have made dishonor seem normal, and we’re not stopping.
People don’t care. Sex crimes are ignored and victims scoffed, shamed and left to themselves. Guns are far more valuable than an owner’s own child. Public safety is a joke with whatever disgusting tagline you care to attach to it, and here we all sit. Not caring, not doing, not helping.
I know that the impeachment of Joe Biden sounds like a joke. That’s McCarthy and MTG sitting around and fingering each other. But while people with mental illness are dismissed as fakers or lost causes, those two are proof that there are dangerous nuts in our own government. Politicians are now vetted by zealots and fanatics who belong in fenced-in hospitals while treatment remains out of reach of people who need and beg for help yet go unheard and forgotten. I’m not one to sit by and watch injustice and the end of the world as we know it. I’ll keep looking for help for those in need. Because I don’t feel fine, damn it.
This story is sad. It is also very difficult to read or to even imagine what she’s going through and what she’s in for. By Louisiana law, she carries a fetus which cannot possibly live. It will be stillborn or, more likely, taken by C-section. But until then, she walks around carrying a non-sentient fetus.
Why any law wold force such a horror is beyond me. It’s what we all should have known would happen when the Nine Nazis of the Potomac overturned Roe v. Wade: cruelty to women that was common before 1973. A stripping of a woman’s rights, starting with the right to choose to terminate a pregnancy. Other things are sure to follow, egged on by the super conservative (Nazi) church, the catholics and the protestants alike. That’s right. I just called Catholics Nazis. Since 1973, the Roman Catholics have pushed to have abortion banned. Much suffering will come from this, and what’s Godly about that?
I’m not going to discuss Roe. I’ve done that. But now I’m warning you that white men carrying crosses are going to straight-up go after more women’s rights. And they’re going to be successful unless we stand up for what’s right, for freedom over tyranny.
Fascists and Nazis are a serious threat to the people of the United States. Oh, and to the world. If you don’t believe me, if you think I’m blowing this out of proportion, there’s a woman in Louisiana who can tell you what’s real.
Memoirs of an American Christian 