You did WHAT in the Piggly Wiggly?

This cell phone shit has gone too far.

You mean you can’t even get through your grocery shopping without reading a whole thread on Reddit?

And don’t blame prices, because inflation makes shopping a very short trip indeed, except for me, when it takes two hours to find three items and make it to a register, even though I can’t be on Reddit until I get home, have the lighting just right and use 8.0 magnifying reading glasses. But if I could see the screen, I wouldn’t be on the web or phone in a Winn Dixie or a Kroger’s (I wouldn’t shop at either one of those anyway).

YOUR shopping only takes five minutes to get eight items. Except NOW, you read whole Reddit threads while you’re there. How long do you spend in there, anyway? Do you pack a lunch and make a day of it, or what?

Either Reddit threads are getting shorter as illiteracy rises, or you’d fall to your knees in the grocery store for just about any reason, which would probably, in this fucked-up country, be taken as an OFFER and end up in a queue of people in front of you stretching all the way to the pharmacy.

In any event, I have one small piece of advice for you:

TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF WHILE YOU’RE IN THE STORE, YOU WORM!