My elder half-brother Ed “Eddie” Smith of Visalia, CA has passed away. We grew apart over the years, and as things of that sort happen in families, you may think that I would be unaffected by the passing of a half-brother I had not seen since the mid-1980s. But this news has hurt me very deeply.
We often leave things unsaid, then regret it when it’s too late. Everyone does it.
That I loved him was set in stone when I was a child. He always had time for clowning around with me, which made me feel loved and special at a time when I was suffering from terrible abuse by my parents. His brother Joseph did the same. The children of a different mother but the same father, they were both the best part of my life during the time when our father was given to beating me down and belittling me. I had terrible self-esteem, but those two actually made my life better. There’s no greater gift anyone can possibly give.
Eddie will be in Heaven when my time is done. We will talk of happy times and laughter that we shared. He was a hero to me, giving but never taking. Once, for my birthday, he gave me a model of the starship Enterprise, and it was a limited edition with clear parts which could be lit up. That model never was built. I didn’t have the skills, and he had far less time than before. But I, just this month, bought one very much like it. It will be finished in his memory.
He turned 18 in the summer of 1969, a dangerous time to come of age. I remember that he got a surfer on his cake, as he was a music lover and listened to all kinds of music. Our father gave him full-time work, and he was also in college, a history student at the University of Maryland. He never got drafted and he was far too intelligent to volunteer, despite being a conservative and a true patriot. Had he been drafted, he wouldn’t have run to Canada. I have no doubt that he would have done his country proud. He was tough, far from being a coward, and he and Joe took up for all of us half-siblings. Once, my oldest sister came home crying because at the little community beach, she had been harassed by a pair of twin boys. They took off after those boys, teenagers, and I saw what happened next. It wasn’t pretty. They caused no lasting harm, but the twins never, as far as I can remember, harassed anyone ever again.
I know that the trauma of being threatened with death by my brothers was unforgettable. But they loved us all, and through the years they were our substitute dads. They helped shape us into the people we became. I’m so very grateful for them.
Eddie was a man with a huge sense of humor, always wanting to evoke a laugh, have fun and help out. I never had the honor of meeting his widow, but I sincerely pray that in this terrible time, she can find the peace that he is experiencing right now. I grieve with her.
It is always the loved ones remaining who suffer, but the ones who pass on will know the peace of Jesus Christ, and after a life well-lived, and knowing that he was a devout Christian, I can say only, “Well done, Brother. Well done.”
To his mother, his surviving widow, brother and sons and all those who love him, I pray that you will be comforted by the Lord’s touch.
Memoirs of an American Asshole 