This one caught people off guard. They usually brine the streets when snow is expected. They didn’t. The forecast was for a dusting to an inch. Then 1-2 inches. Someone mentioned cold air.
They didn’t say shit about this. It’s been below freezing all day. Currently, it is 16°F. And it’s gonna get colder. And it was really 3-5 inches of snow. And it sucks.
Another 3 inches coming Friday. I don’t need this shit. I’m too old. Snow isn’t pretty anymore. It sucks a fat one.
Some idiot wrote about breaking a “snow drought,” whatever the fuck that is.
I’ll put that stupid phrase alongside some others: “We’re in a snow drought” makes no sense. Either there’s a drought or there isn’t. If you’ve had sufficient rain, then there’s no drought. What does it matter, rain or snow?
“Are you kidding me right now?”
The best response to such a stupid and overused question is, “No, bitch, I was kidding you five minutes ago.”
“You can do this.”
Do what? What the fuck are you talking about? Chances are, we both already know what I’m trying to do, so telling me I can do it is encouraging. If you say this, then you’re being redundant. Fuck you very much, but I think I know what I’m supposed to be doing. Shut up.
A snow drought. Holy shit.
If that’s a real thing, I took a short walk. Here you go. Snow ain’t so fuckin pretty now, is it?
The only thing that could cheer me up right now is heat. Heat pumps suck. Whoever invented them should be executed. I have to sleep fully clothed, including a coat and underneath two blankets, or I’ll surely die. I don’t mind leaving here, but exposure ain’t no way to die.
Memoirs of an American Asshole 