Being The Better Man

For Kyle

Gentlemen, I was reminded last evening of how much negativity there is out there. In addition to our own struggles, there’s a problem in this country (USA) that’s grim. And no matter what, we have no right to make it worse.

It isn’t just negativity either. There’s cruelty and hatred and death. Natural disasters leave desert cities flooded, the northwest is in a drought, California’s dry and wildfires are more frequent and destructive. It’s been a quiet hurricane season, but that will change.

Add to that political and religious conflict, and it all feels so overwhelming that nothing positive seems to happen. You get depressed even if you have no history of it. You get a feeling of doom lurking around the corner.

On top of all of that, social media can bring anyone down. People (and bots) fight, insult, scam and plain take you to an emotional basement. When are you going to say, “enough!”?

Still An Asshole After All These Years

Yeah, I’m still an asshole. I freely admit it. I do asshole things.

But this past year, I’ve experienced something I never thought I would; never believed it possible. I’ve had positive feelings and experiences. Oh, sure, on reflection, I’ve had them before. But never anything like this amazing feeling I get when I help others or I’m just polite and kind. It’s easy to treat neighbors and friends that way, but strangers are different and you don’t know how they’re going to react.

I get that. I used to get really hurt when I’d greet a stranger and get silence in return.

I finally learned, though, that it’s not about you or me. We tried. Anything else is on them.

When a woman walks past, I tip my hat and say, “Good afternoon, ma’am,” and maybe that’s corny or old-fashioned or sexist, but it comes from respect and sincerity. I knocked on a neighbor’s door last week to make sure she had gotten some deliveries when she got back from out of town. When she answered, I took my hat off.

People may laugh at that sort of thing, but it shouldn’t hurt you. You’ve done the right thing and that’s honorable. Take a bit of self esteem from it and move on.

People will hurt you, or try to, with words. Make no mistake; words can pierce your heart. We’ve all been there.

What I’d like to challenge you to do is rise above that kind of thing and be the better man. As long as you try, you’ll rarely go wrong and you’ll rarely go to bed with hard insults repeating in your mind.

Do something cool for someone today. A smile and a “hello” can save a life, and you’ll never know, but it happens. Once I was walking toward railroad tracks. I wasn’t planning on coming back. Before I left the shopping center a beautiful lady smiled and said “hi”, and made me reconsider. Later I’d try suicide 3 times, but I finally got help and haven’t tried again. But yes, kindness really does save lives. Helping someone does, too.

Just please try to be a little bit better each day. Because it doesn’t just make others feel better. It makes us feel better, too

Rise above it all.

We can’t get back the things and people we’ve lost. We can’t take back the hurtful words we’ve said or the harm we’ve done. It’s all in the past and all we can do is look back, and try to learn, because in the learning lies the beginning of peace.

My children are gone. But I dwell less than I used to on my pain, because I understand that they have been released from their pain. That’s what really matters. I’m alone, sometimes lonely, but with everything that was done to me as a kid, I’ve realized that some people are meant to be alone. I have accepted and come to peace with it.

Yet, I’d be lying if I claimed that I never thought about turning back the clock. If I knew then what I know now, how would things have changed for myself and the people I loved? We all get around to that question sooner or later

Would I still have become an asshole? Could I have been happier?

Just be kind to each other. Be good to yourselves. It has its own rewards.

And try not to look back too much. I do it and it hurts. Save some kindness for you. Don’t be me.

Thanks, Kyle. You reminded me of one of life’s greatest lessons–and gifts.