All of Them

I’ve looked back. My stats and likes have fallen so far that I’ve deleted every post since January first. Today’s stats have me at minus 100 percent, and that’s pretty humiliating. But I did that to myself. Politics, impending war, acidic criticism of public figures…it seems I’ve turned off a lot of people.

As I gained followers to my blog, I felt secure. People were reading. There was a time when I paid no attention to stats, but once I did, things began to fall apart. I felt pressure, and wrote to be putting something out there. I guess I felt that I could get a pass. Certain content was no big deal to me.

But it was to you. And I have to say I’m sorry. Whatever drew you to this site had vanished. But I never started these chronicles to get followers, never thought I would get any at first. Didn’t care. I hoped the nightmares and nostalgic elements would provide some humor and, in keeping with my mission, reach just one person out there who could see a bit of their own experiences in mine.

I hoped that I could inspire awareness and therefore the seeking of help. That’s all I wanted. Then I strayed from the mission. I could not help but be myself, whatever that means. Some days, I am an asshole. It just works that way.

I comforted myself in the firm conviction that at least I’m not a total dickhead. But then, judging by likes and views, some people disagreed with that.

As a blogger then, I have failed. So, I won’t be looking at statistics anymore. Besides, WordPress has some sort of bug. People have told me that they tap the star to “like” a post, the screen says “You liked this post”, but I never see it. Also, since I have comments enabled, I just assume I only get rare comments. But one day I found (by accident) some sort of purgatory holding old comments hostage. I tried to tap to approve them and I couldn’t.

Never think that I ignore comments. Sometimes I have nothing to say in response but do tap the star to like it only to find out later that my like has been removed. Look, as long as I’m not spammed in a comment, I’ll let it stand, even if we disagree. Discussion is the meat of free speech. Why not engage in it?

All that’s left to say is, WordPress has bugs. I haven’t helped much. I apologize. I left the January first post up. Please forget everything between then and now.

I’ll be back.