A Lie

One of my followers has her own site. Claims the creds of a techie. And a Christian. But the pictures on her blogs can’t be her. I knew she looked familiar so I went porn surfing.

That’s nothing new. I’m a Christian too, but I’ve been straight with you. I’m a sinner with serious, disabling problems. Yet here I am, telling my life, telling where it has brought me, even when it makes me feel like I’m going too far. That’s as I’ve said before: we can’t learn anything from each other unless someone wants to be honest. So I’m honest, hoping I’ll touch the life of just one person who can see in me something of themselves, realize that they have a chance I never did, deciding to, hopefully, make a comeback. To rise above it all.

I realized from the beginning that I was doing something that would make others uncomfortable. I’m sorry to everyone who has found my posts triggering, depressing or that they were brought down by my words. So sometimes I try fiction or the occasional poem, but they’re dark too. This...is what I am.

I understand why people don’t use their real photos on Meta or Twitter. I get it. Such a hostile environment.

Me, I don’t hide anything. Sometimes I have to look something up because of a detail or spelling I can’t remember, but with politics and news, I usually provide a link. I’ve also, from the beginning, urged readers to think for themselves, decide for themselves; and trust me, I never want to be an influencer. I’m too much of an asshole to be an influencer, and life coaches are owners of a special dark place in my heart. Heavy online influencers, they snag you, offer help, then tell you what it will cost. You want to influence, fine, but don’t scam your readers or viewers. If you do that, then fuck you.

Mostly, influencers feel the weight of a responsibility they have gained. They act accordingly. Honorably.

Some do not. They feed the racist fires and the conspiracy theories and all kinds of bullshit that really are horrible and really cause trouble. Those, I can’t forgive. I have no tolerance for that kind of misuse of power.

I’m sorry that one of my followers is, apparently, a fraud. I wanted to trust her. But now I have a new reason not to follow any blogs by avowed, scripture-thumping Christian bloggers. And that’s just sad. Genuine people seem ever more difficult to find. Online, you can hide anything if you know how. Quoting scripture or acting as a life coach while hiding behind a porn star? I should think it’s fucking hilarious.

I can’t manage that.