There are still things, despite my condition, that I want to do before I go. None are within my means or ability, but they would make me happy. Here goes.
•Visit Slovenia and hear the Ljubljana Radio Symphony Orchestra play Ravel’s Bolero.
Slovenia is beautiful. And the best, by far, recording of Bolero came from that orchestra.
•Visit the Giza pyramids, temple of Hatshepsut and the ruins of Karnak. The structures are among the most amazing ever built.
•Take a day to ride a good horse out in the countryside.
•Go deep sea fishing one last time.
•Play the elevator game.
•Publish my novel.
•Experience five minutes of peace that’s not drug-induced.
•Do something nice for a little kid. Leave some money to them perhaps. It would be anonymous, of course. Because that’s the most wonderful part of giving.
That’s it. Really, not a small list considering what’s on it. Not possible, but it shows, I hope, that I’m not as shallow as I think some see me as.
Maurice Ravel’s Bolero performed by the Ljubljana Radio Symphony Orchestra:
Memoirs of an American Asshole 
Curious, have you had any experience with or done any research about meditation? I too have an unholy amount of garbage in my head and I’m trying to learn to do it. It’s harder than it seems, but apparently it can have many benefits, not the least of which I’m hoping for is some peacefulness.
I’ll have to check out that version of Bolero. That is one of my favorite pieces, too.
Wishing you peace.
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I have indeed tried meditation and I wish I could do it. However, I always ended up in a trance, which left me open to bad things. There must be some way to protect myself and gently meditate, but I haven’t been brave enough to search. I wish you peace as well, and hope you can find your answer. If you do, please come back and let me know. Thank you very much for being here and letting me spend a few minutes in such good company. Be well.
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This is going to sound terrible but tbh I’m envious of your meditation ability; I’m still at the stage where I cannot clear my head even for a minute. Any tips or thoughts (ha) would be welcome. I did do a free virtual guided meditation class from the library that was helpful. Maybe doing guided meditation might prevent unwelcome consequences? I found some at the library (I liked some writings and audio by Pema Chodron) as well as on their free app, Kanopy.
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I can’t advise anyone about this, but I will look for a guided meditation course. That seems like a very good idea. It might keep me grounded and prevent me from getting too far. One thing I did learn after a horrible experience is, do not hold your hands facing palms up or out. Cross your legs and your arms and don’t let the palms be open to anything spiritual. Some people don’t know how mediumistic they are, and therefore can’t control it. You mentioned baggage. That usually means emotional trauma of some kind and that important to treat first because antidepressants and mood stabilizers help the mood and nerves, and seem to close out supernatural tendencies. There’s a high correlation between trauma and psychic ability. PTSD even shows up on brain scans in the worst cases and sometimes completely overlooked by doctors who don’t know to look for it. Drug therapy has helped me but I still have things happen. Best to be grounded at all times and seek help if you need it. You may even benefit from a benzo for nerves. That can help a lot with racing and intrusive thoughts. If you have a higher power, you can also start a session with prayer, I find it relaxing. I’m sorry not to be able to help more. I’m definitely on your side.
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Hey, it’s just nice to connect and share whatever. I value anything you have to share. I know you have seen some shit and I respect that. I have some old xanax…it just makes me sleepy so I never use it but maybe I will try a tiny bit and see if it helps clear my head. I’m pretty desperate in that regard…I can never stop the music, the stupid thoughts going over and over the same thing, etc etc ad nauseam.
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I wish the best for you. It isn’t easy going through this kind of thing. If you can find a good doc, please consult them. Sometimes we need help, and that’s okay. A milder drug than Xanax might work better. I liked Ativan myself. After the first weeks I didn’t fall asleep and I was much more calm. Talk therapy also helps because it’s hard work but a great relief for invasive thoughts. I’m going to go back to it as soon as my Medicare advantage plan kicks in. Also writing does help. You don’t need to be as open as I am to get things off your chest. Watch movies, take walks, and occupy your empty spaces. I have a vested interest in you, so hang in there!
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