I came across a clickbait ad recently that deals with actresses of the 1990s who people of a certain generation still love or, as the article put, “still crush on”.
It caught my attention. I know clickbait well, knew it was going to be a slideshow, where you have to click for each page, but the slow-loading ads make the page jump, invariably making me click on an ad instead, which makes everything worse. Each click, no matter how fast you hit the previous page key, gets counted. Those clicks let everyone on the clickbait site and their sponsors know that they’re being seen, that their despicable techniques work. And so more will follow.
This slideshow had the names and pictures of people I’d never even heard of in the 90s, and still don’t know. The “then-and-now” photos rang no bells.
So I got to thinking, and realized few today of that generation would know who I “still crush on.” And if we’re honest, we all have star-crushes.
I have a list, and yet in 1990 everything changed. That year I saw a movie that sometimes is difficult to watch despite being genuinely funny and well done.
The list is not by any means to be taken as misogynistic; these magnificent women are inspirational to me. I look up to them as more than pop icons. They’re hard-working, talented and most, from the little I know of them, engage in humanitarian activities. That’s a resume I never had. Oh, I could work hard, including the rare 24-hour shift, but even though I eventually took pride in my work, two things kept me from it for decades. The first was my father’s constant criticism and humiliation of me. The second was, what I did never made a difference to anyone outside of myself or my immediate coworkers. The world was never going to know me or what I did. Wouldn’t know what I fought every single day. What a victory it was just to “punch in”, to get to work on time or make it at all.
And I worked for 30 years.
Thinking that you don’t make a difference is a horrible thing. We get a lot of our self esteem from what we do even in a job we hate. I put it to you thus: no matter what you do, from pushing a broom and cleaning commodes to high political office, everything you do makes a difference. And more so if you have to bite the bullet, hold your tongue and do your job honorably.
I once had this dream. No more driving a forklift or standing the nightwatch. What if, just once, someone would get a look at me and see I was so ugly I’d be the perfect villain in a movie. I wouldn’t mind being typecast. I knew I could act.
I’ll never get that chance. It wasn’t meant to be. I was just too bound to the past, and hell, maybe it’s for the best. I never dreamed of riches, though. I would have lived humbly and given money to charities. Retired in the Rockies, in a cabin, writing lousy fiction.
All that said, there were actors and actresses I’d have loved to work with. I could put myself in movies they were in and imagine how a scene might have turned out.
***
Actors, models, athletes and singers are our scope through which we imagine our dreams. After every one of my dreams had been smothered, choked from me by abuse, the acting dream popped up. These women helped. I imagined acting with them, but more, I saw myself riding off into the sunset with them, to live happily ever after.
Keep in mind that some names aren’t going to be familiar. That’s okay. I want you to meet them anyway.
7. HELEN REDDY (1941-2020)
In the 1970s I was struck by lightning the first time I saw her. My young, distorted view of sex, the sexes and the NOW movement confused me, her message confused me, and my father encouraged his kids to hate her. But there’s no doubting her impact through song on a generation of women and girls. She encouraged them and called on them to do great things with their own lives and talents. Her beautiful voice was distinctive; when a song came on the radio, you knew it was her. She’s gone now, passing in late 2020 from complications of Addison’s disease. But we cannot forget her, any more than I could escape the gut punch I felt on hearing of her death. As if part of me was now gone, making that empty hole in me bigger. I encourage you to look her up. Her life and career and family are still an inspiration, and she helped me to understand that there was nothing wrong with, and everything to love, about strong women. We owe her a great deal and the least we can do is remember her.
My favorite songs of all time include this one by the one and only Ms. Helen Reddy.
I pray she’s free and at peace in God’s hands. Goodbye, Helen.
6. ANN-MARGARET (1941-)
Born the same year as Helen Reddy, Ann is still with us. She’s always been dynamic, often exuberant, extremely talented and ever beautiful. So many people still love her that she’s in the top tier of most treasured actresses and singers of all time. How do you ever stop loving someone like her?
5. LESLEY ANN DOWN (1954-)
What a film and television career she’s had! She completely stunned me in an unlikely role: Olga the hired killer, assigned to kill Inspector Jaques Clouseau in 1977’s The Pink Panther Strikes Again.
Following Herbert Lom (Dreyfuss) escaping from an asylum for attempting for the fourth or eighth time to kill Peter Sellers’ Clouseau, the maddeningly dense and clumsy detective, he sets assassins from different countries to get the job done.
After a madcap string of bumbling moves at Oktoberfest which ends with them all killing each other, Omar Sharif is the last one left except for Olga, played by Down. Disguised as Clouseau, he gets into the hotel room Clouseau is staying in, and Olga sneaks in. The two end up bumping uglies, but the Arabic assassin is killed and Clouseau returns to find Olga in his bed. God, she seduced me, from a scene in a slapstick comedy! Make no mistake about it though, Lesley Ann Down is worth watching this or any other film she’s been in. From guest spots on TV shows to major films, her talent is exceptional.
4. GLORIA STEINEM (1934-)
She co-founded MS Magazine and was a leader of the feminist movement from the harsh 60s into the 70s and nobody on this planet is fit to even summarize her influence, the changes she helped to make (a work that, sadly, is not complete) or the many wonders she performed with typewriter and in candid interviews wherein she was eloquent but pulled no punches. Many women who came before and after have not been given proper credit or attention for hard, and at times dangerous, work. But when it came to articulating the trials of women in the era of barefoot housewives and the potential, which men ignored, for women to be given equal rights, job opportunities and pay, for independent women to be safe if they chose to work, wear a miniskirt or protest, Ms. Steinem remains the best. If not for her, we might not even be where we are now, and with everything still hanging over women’s heads, that’s too terrible to imagine. Here’s to an American hero: we love you, Gloria. Thanks for everything.
3. SHERRY LANSING (1944-)
Another WWII baby, Lansing is one of the most beautiful actresses of all time, yet few ever knew much about her except for fans. I mean, she mostly got bit parts, and did only a few guest spots on TV shows like Ironside.
But then she went behind the camera and whoa, what she has accomplished!
First woman to run a movie studio, Paramount Pictures. First woman studio head to put hand and footprints in front of Grauman’s Theater, or to get a star on the Walk of Fame. She also produced such blockbusters as Fatal Attraction.
That is incredible and absolutely wonderful. You can’t help but love someone like that.
Along with my admiration, she snagged my heart in 1970’s Rio Lobo.
While a bit player in the film, she steals the show, upstaging Jennifer O’neal. On the men’s side of the film, Jack Elam comically upstaged the Duke. But Lansing made a real difference to me. I can’t stand seeing women hurt and the makeup and her acting combined to make her character unforgettable. Well done, Sherry. You’re awesome!
2. MERRILEE RUSH (1944-)
In 1968, the ultimate hippie girl was Merrilee Rush. Her album “Angel of the Morning” hit hard with the single of the same title. Ever since, I’ve been in love. Another WWII baby and strong, gifted woman, she changed the music world in a single song. It’s been used in film and she performed it for television, and it has since been covered loads of times, but she did it first and she did it the best. Any Questions?
1. DAYLE HADDON (1948-)
A strikingly beautiful Vietnamese-Canadian actress, she changed everything for me when in 1990 I finally had the chance to watch North Dallas Forty, starring Nick Nolte, Mac Davis, Dabney Coleman, Steve Forrest, John Matuszak, Bo Svenson, Charles Durning and of course Dayle Haddon as Nolte’s love.
A brilliant film, well edited and shot, with a great screenplay and an all-star cast, it was acted with perfection by every player. Combining latrine (I’m never saying “locker room talk”, that’s OB) humor, neat football footage, football management intrigue, romance and betrayal, it has all the ingredients. The soundtrack is stellar. Haddon’s exquisite beauty almost made me hurt, and left me with a forever heartache.
A model, actress and business owner, she’s also worked with UNICEF and does a lot for African kids, mostly through funding for schools. She’s an authority on and advocate for aging women to do anything they can to be well, proud of their looks and to use anti-aging products and methods, the end goal being to boost self esteem and good health. It’s not rare for women of celebrity to want to give back when they’ve gone through things that gave them empathy, but Dayle Haddon is one who certainly didn’t have to. Her heart and her intellect are out there for everyone to see. I followed her on Instagram for a while, and she reads comments, which made me happy. But I got away from social media.
I love and “crush” on this extraordinary woman, and she’s never far from my thoughts. If I have any regrets it is that I don’t feel right having genuine feelings that have nothing to do with sex for a woman I’ll never meet. I guess that I feel kind of creepy. Or like a creep, I don’t know which.
But as I remember my life and tell it here, for anyone to see, I’m struck by how much horror and evil I’ve had to live through, how many times I’ve hated, been angry, broken in heart and spirit, my mind turned against me by illness, horrendous abuse…and terrible loss.
And I wonder what my life might have been like if I had been allowed to develop normally, if I had just been loved by my mother and father instead of being an object of their hate, anger and fierce control. And I think of all that shit, and you know what? I’m not sure it’s creepy at all to love anyone. The more any one person feels and voices love, the better our chances as a species to survive these dark times. Love is, in pure form, the best part of us. It has the power to fuel dreams, to give us empathy, to urge us to be kind, to help people who need a hand.
I can’t do much, and my time is short.
The last thing I want to do is die with regrets, but that’s what will happen. I don’t think I’ll go out regretting feeling love.
I say, no matter your age or station, crush on. If it remains safe, if it’s real and not obsession, it is a good thing. I’ll never regret that.
Memoirs of an American Asshole 