In a special web-only episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver skipped politics, water treatment and Tucker Carlson to talk, or rant to be more specific, about how dull dry cereal is, to lament the absence of anything new on the market and call out the makers of Cheerios for having a twitter footprint more bland than the cereal itself. He challenged them to tweet “Fuck you” and tag any random Twitter user, and if they did, he would donate a large sum to the charity of the bland cereal maker’s choice. But when the Cheerios Twitter account attempted to shame Oliver by claiming a family brand made it impossible to rise to his challenge, they promptly fucked up by failing to give Oliver the respect he deserves, underestimating him in the process. What followed was almost predictable. Cheerios challenged Oliver: tweet “Family makes the good go round” and they would double their donation which, according to the tweet, it had just made.
Oh, no. No, no, no. You don’t fuck with John Oliver. You don’t call him out. The host really had been successfully challenged a time or two but he’s brilliant and everyone should have known, he would use the juggernaut of HBO’s legal resources to learn from it and be on more sure footing the next time.
His response to the wholesome counterchallenge is nothing short of genius and hilarious with a bunch of irreverent, sick humor smashed inside. Like candy with a bitter cream center: the joke’s on you, Cheerios. You take your bland baby food and claims of lowering cholesterol and your family image and stuff em. You’re corporate and will always, on the surface, deny it; raking in millions and acting charitable when called out while kids starve any other time. That’s the corporate mentality and working principle. Never cut into profits unless you have to; after all, this crisis with covid isn’t over. Nor is the fallout from it with millions unemployed but being able to find jobs they aren’t experienced enough to have and being shamed on top of that as being lazy and finding benefits preferable to work.
What if American food producers donated more? What if all of them did? What if they didn’t need cajoling from people like John Oliver?
General Mills, you fell for it. You did exactly what he wanted you to.
“…consisting of pulverized oats in the shape of a solid torus.”– description of Cheerios, source: Wikipedia
Sounds very appetizing, doesn’t it?
Cheerios, you’ve been owned.
Memoirs of an American Asshole 