Christmas 2019

I awoke thinking Christmas is a humbug. Last night something was in my house. I was watching a movie. Behind me in the dining room, there was a noise. Something fell onto the table; the sound of plastic hitting the polished oak. I got up, looked all over the dining room, and there was nothing that could possibly have caused such a sound. It was cold by the table, yet because I have a heat pump, and it was quite cold, the thermostat was set to 77, and I was wearing a sweatshirt and a knit hat.

Sometimes I wonder. Time is catching up with me. I know it and I can feel it. I don’t know how long I’ll be around. Sometimes it’s my depression and anxiety; those will fill you with dread and doom. Other times, that’s not it. I heard another sound a few minutes later but couldn’t tell what it was or where it came from. I wasn’t scared, but I felt, time’s catching up with me and someone is trying to tell me.

But today is a good day. It’s been a good week. Two neighbors upstairs presented me with a box of Bonnie and Pops chocolates. They’re out of New York, they’re famous, and man are they good. I looked up the tin I got online. It retails for thirty five bucks. Wow.

This morning I was so hungry I didn’t think I could go all day without using stuff for my evening meal, the only one I take at the end of the month because I’m broke. My neighbor Jeremy and his little girl showed up bearing steaming hot cinnamon rolls. I made coffee and now I’m feeling pretty good (later they brought over a whole dinner!).

Stephanie gave me a Christmas card. I cried (see my earlier post).

Then my very excellent friend Chris showed up. He gave me a Christmas card, and I was overwhelmed. Then I opened it and there was a gift card for the market up the street. And my very best friend wired me twenty dollars yesterday.

Just when I thought I was bottoming out, my friends showed me I’m not alone. I cannot find the words to give any of them the true honor they deserve.

Sometimes, I forget I’m not alone. Sometimes, I can forget the ghosts that try to tell me my time is coming, and I remember that I love and am loved by good friends.

When the time comes for me to get out of here, I’ll leave behind some who will miss me. I’m grateful for that. And for you. I wish you all a happy and prosperous holiday season.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! My favorite Holiday video. Enjoy and have a wonderful day!