Trigger Warning: this post deals with sensitive and disturbing subject matter. However, if you are feeling alone, feeling unloved or rejected, or that there is no way out of a horrible situation, read this. It’s for you.
You know that a YouTube vlogger from Brooklyn was just pulled from New York’s East River. He was very popular, with thousands of subscribers. He had posted a sad video that was the equivalent of a suicide note, then vanished.
NYPD asked for tips to help their search. Desmond Amofah, known to his YouTube fans as Etika, was soon pulled from the river. Evidence places him on the Manhattan Bridge, just north of the Brooklyn Bridge, and that he jumped to his death.
I’m so sorry to have come across this story. The 29-year-old young man from Brooklyn had his whole life in front of him. Gaining a following on YouTube isn’t easy to pull off, as many who have tried and failed can tell you. Etika had charisma. A presence. Something that made people watch his life above many others. He’d taken heat from employing some sort of homophobic-type of slur, and everyone famous gathers haters and trolls.
And we all know those are relentless and cruel, and unforgiving. Getting hateful comments isn’t something YouTubers just slough like a wet jacket when they come in out of the rain. Those comments hurt. How would you feel if you, claiming to take up for a group like the LGBTQ community, drove a man so low that he felt alone against the world? And by the way, that particular group isn’t interested in having someone hateful fight for them. They’d rather have someone disagree but with civility and peace.
There’s no indication that it was Etika’s remark and backlash from it that drove him to such hopelessness. But I suspect it was part of a bigger picture. Suicide is a complicated subject. The victim may have one main reason or many. And they may or may not leave a note or video or audio message behind to give a clue as to their final decision and how they got there.
The WorldHealth Organisation (WHO) estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a globalmortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 therate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds.
The video Etika left behind was particularly difficult for me. He said he had pushed everyone away, and that he was alone. I’ve spent a lifetime running away from people or being so cruel that I have made them run. I know how it feels. Except he didn’t do that. By all accounts, his video caused alarm in his devoted fans. Many were physically sick with worry when, following the video, he went missing. Now…he’s gone forever. And they’re grieving.
Suicide doesn’t have any boundaries. It is not something restricted to the poor and desperate, prison inmates, celebrities who see their careers going downhill or their fame and riches slipping away, business owners who have gone into bankruptcy, the terminally ill or anyone else.
Suicide is final. There’s no coming back from death. You can’t correct anything, can’t repair broken hearts, bring others back from death, you can’t do anything at all. You’ve taken every opportunity you had with you to the grave.
Etika also said one other thing, something that hit me in the gut with a powerful blow: “I guess I really am mentally ill.”
Damn it. I want him back. Right here, right now. I want to hold him and tell him that mental illness is not a death sentence, that there’s hope, that all the stigma around it is bullshit. That he has an opportunity and a platform to discuss seeking help and actually getting it.
I wish he had used his connection to his fans to open a dialogue about what was going on with him and letting them follow and support him on his path to wellness.
We were stronger with him than we are without him.
And that goes for you. You’re reading a blogger right now who barely gets a view a month. There’s a reason you’re here. Before you make any decision so horrible and final, you need to stop and think about this one thing: YOU matter. Your life is, no matter how desperate and alone you feel, no matter how persecuted or hopeless you feel, priceless. You may be replaced in a job, but your life is unique and special and can never be replaced. I encourage you to seek out help. Right now, because if left to second guess this moment, you could really kill yourself. I don’t want you to do that. We may never meet, never cross paths. But I want you here with me on Planet Earth. Because you don’t know what’s going to happen next. You can, given help and time, go on to be a rock star. You can do things no one else can do. Giving up now robs both you and the world of every good, every great thing, you have the genuine potential to do. And since you don’t know yet what those things are, deciding now to end your life is just not right. You are in danger. Even if you don’t have a plan, sometimes suicide is a spontaneous act.
Start here. A simple phone call that can begin a process that can take you to a better place, a more peaceful place.
Call 1-800-273-8255
You’ll talk with someone who will give you their full attention. Someone who wouldn’t be answering phones unless they cared about people just like you.
And I want you to consider something really deep.
The “history” channel left real history behind in favor of pseudo science-and-history that make us stupid.
Aliens built Egyptian pyramids. Aliens in space suits visited meso-America.
You know what? That’s rubbish.
All of our stealth fighter tech and supercomputer tech came from reverse-engineered alien space ships.
Twaddle. What do you think that says about humanity in general and the people specifically who came up with those things? It’s an insult. It presupposes that we’re incapable of growing and learning. It says that those who gave their whole lives to improving the human condition never even existed. It limits, and labels us, at one and the same time.
In my career, I’ve seen men and women solve problems with simple critical thinking, dispassionate logic and experience. Tough problems, the kind that can cause serious damage to everything from a small transaction to a company staying in business. I’ve often been amazed at the cleverness, brilliance and durability of the human race. I therefore find ancient aliens to be pseudo science-and-history. And I submit to you that you are a part of an awesome species. The things you can do are without limits.
In hospital after my third suicide attempt, a doctor I usually didn’t see stood in for mine. He looked at my file and said “If you try again, you will kill yourself”.
In that moment, I realized the finality of what I sought. I was forced to think about where God would send me. I didn’t want demons coming to escort me to the afterlife.
And I’m sorry, but whether you believe in God or not, you have to consider whether there is an afterlife, and where you’ll go. Because once you’re dead, your life ends and you’re going to be judged. What I’m asking you to consider is, what if God is real?
One thing I’m not going to do is put a guilt trip on you. A lot of people respond to friends who talk of suicide by saying “think about the ones you’ll leave behind. How can you be so selfish?”
It’s not selfish, what you’re going through. It’s a lot of things, but selfishness isn’t one of them. You’re genuinely suffering and feeling hopeless. Like there’s nothing you can do to make things better. No way you can right a wrong. No one else who understands the fix you’re in.
But you’re not alone! There’s hope. Help. You might worry about the stigma around getting treatment for the things troubling you. You can’t allow that to stop you. Better to choose life and take risks than to die by your own hand.
The benefits of getting help are enormous and many.
Talk therapy is a great way to vent, and gain understanding of your feelings. When backed up by drug therapy such as a simple antidepressant which could be temporary or long-term, depending on your psychiatric diagnosis, you can feel better in a few weeks. Be honest, tell them what’s going on. Don’t be scared of 72 hours at minimum in a hospital. Don’t be afraid of anything. You’ll have every chance to get your life back, and decide to keep it. After a few months I left the hospital in summer, 2005. I’ve not been to a psych ward since, even though if I were in serious need of help, I’d go in a heartbeat. It’s been challenging. Hard. But I’m alive, here today to tell you that you are important, special and full of potential that you can’t see right now. That you matter. And that we are stronger with you than without you.
If you’re in crisis, you can call the number above. I recommend a visit to the emergency room if you actually have a plan for your death. That means you’re in serious trouble. Call 911. Or get a ride. Prepare to be stripped to a gown and restricted to a certain area. It’s protocol for your safety.
It will pass quickly. You’ll be in therapy sessions and see the doc every day. There’s occupational therapy which is a lot more calming and fun than you can imagine. When you’re released you’ll have a treatment plan. Probably some medications. From then on you’ll have a support system you can call on anytime. And you will get better.
I care very much what’s troubling you. What your past holds. The fear you’re filled with, the tears you’ve shed. I’m sorry you’re having so much hurt. You and I are forever brothers and sisters in heart and soul. Claim your life. Get it back.
Because together we can do anything.
Finally, if you are one of those who make fun of people in crisis, you need to know that your cruelty can kill. I know that’s okay with some of you. I’ve met the likes of you before. You could benefit from some psychiatric help yourself. You really want a life on your conscience because you said cruel things?
I leave a challenge with you.
Be kind. Say hello to people you don’t know. Show sympathy even if you have trouble feeling it. And when someone else says something you don’t like, then here. This song is for you.
Be the better person. It’s a tough challenge, I know. Try it anyway. One wave. One smile. One kind word…can save someone’s life. Oh. You won’t get to know. That’s how it works. But at least you’ll know you’ve done no harm. I have to tell you, that is an awesome feeling.
In Loving Memory
Desmond Amofah, “Etika”
1990-2019
Rest in Peace
Memoirs of an American Asshole 