Nobody’s Reading, But I Still Love You

It’s come to this. Nobody is reading here anymore.

It’s okay. Blogging is dying out with Tick Tock and other things. I have no social media to use Jetpack with. I may have to change that. My first followers have by now turned off notifications for my posts. Email subscribers have marked me as spam. I don’t check the numbers of followers, but even if the number is the same, nobody’s reading.

I guess I was more entertaining when I was a cussing curmudgeon. I’ve gone back and looked at some older posts. My dry, sarcastic humor was kind of funny, I guess. But mostly, there’s just rambling.

Too, I have lost every friend I had on Facebook. I had to get away from the fighting, the hate, and the madness. How long has it been? I don’t know. I suppose no one was prepared for my sudden change in content and language. I don’t even curse in my everyday life anymore.

So, any humor I had is gone. It was never the real me anyway. I was unhappy most of the time. Broken and angry and bitter. People on Facebook who were friends stopped reading my posts. I deserved it, with my shifting moods to mention just one thing they had to have had trouble with.

But I still love everyone I’ve known, going back to MySpace and 2008. Most were good friends, but I did add a few people that my original friends had trouble with. But the climate shifted. When MySpace became some weird music site, everyone’s profiles, blogs, and photos were deleted. It was up to Facebook. That was worse. I was burning out and breaking down.

From 2009 to last year, I think it was just one big breakdown mentally, spiritually, and physically. But since 2019, you have been able to see it. It had to end sometime. It couldn’t go on. I would be dead now. I’m in no hurry for that even if I don’t fear it.

I’ll tell you what. A failed marriage and two dead children is enough to break any man. Well… I was broken to begin with.

But since Easter weekend, I’ve seen and learned new things, and I felt a strong faith grow in me so suddenly that it’s hard to remember now. People who told me I had a good heart had already ceased all communication with me. Blogging about religion is obviously more than they can stand.

Yet my joy can’t be diminished. I can’t describe how different I feel. There were things that I did that I rationalized as being okay, but which made me feel guilty afterward. Now, I no longer want to do them. That has given me freedom I’ve never felt. Sin is bondage, separating me from God. Not only did I feel guilty, but also hollow and lonely. I feel so differently now that I can’t go back. I never want to feel that way again.

Also, I have lost my bitterness and anger. Oh, I can get angry, but it passes quickly, especially with a prayer. My depression is not gone but is better and usually bearable. Prayer absolutely helps.

I can’t be healed, as I believe some hurts never go away; they run too deep. My past haunts me even if I’m aware that my sins are forgiven. And I know I can pray for complete healing, but I won’t get it. God lets us go through trials, Jesus warned us that it would be so, but told us not to fear because He has overcome the world. With our trials, we learn, and we are to pass on the lessons to others to help them in any way we can. That’s really why I do this.

One day, this website might be gone or changed to something else like MySpace did. With that, beautiful poems, short encouraging sermons, and wonderful photo galleries will vanish forever. I’ve written a lot here, hoping to help just one person who happens to visit. Of course, I will not get to know if such a thing does happen, but then, we do what we do not for thanks but merely to help if we can.

My change is profound. I’m sorry that so many hate religion, to the point of avoiding anyone who talks about it. Because it’s not religion. This is just a new Christian trying to help others avoid the place I was heading.

I was baptized at age 13. I regret it, because I was too young and already too hurt by my parents to know what I was doing. But baptized I am, and there’s no need to do it again. The Bible tells us that God knows who will be saved and sends angels to help them in times of trouble so they can live until that day. That explains why I didn’t die all those times that I came so close. That’s how much He loves us, not wanting any of us to spend all time in Hell. He knows what Hell is like because He created it. He never wanted his children to go there. But many will. I would have been one of them.

It’s time to stop wanting things that I don’t need. Materialism will drag many to Hell because it’s a sin and idolatrous. It’s time to stop even more things that I haven’t yet. I will do it. Because my joy is something I have never known and something I never want to lose. And if I should lose every friend and every reader, because they don’t believe me or they hate Christians, I’ll still have that joy. I hope that you, too, can reach for and get such a great feeling. Having Jesus as your motivator and guide to the truth is the best thing anyone can hope for. It’s salvation.

And don’t forget: I still love you. All of you, and you’re in my prayers. May God bless you.